Grandchildren's attitude

Apart from the 'sit down but don't sit next to me' comment they sound pretty normal to me. On boxing day we had our nine year old plus all my grandchildren ranging from 8 to 2. Straight away the 9, 8, 6 and 3 year old shot upstairs to play. One of the 2 year olds was asleep and the other was totally mardy (as usual) and stayed on her dad's knee. Apart from 'hellos' and 'goodbyes' nothing much was said. When they left kisses and hugs were given by the 2 year olds (yes mardy madam is always happy to say goodbye lol), 3 year old and 8 year old but the 6 year old boy would rather be locked in a dark cupboard with spiders that give anyone a hug. He's just growing up. Our 9 year old doesn't do hugs either.

Celebgran...No it's not taught now unfortunately. I used to have my 3 get straight on the phone to thank whoever had sent gift. Everyone has too much on their minds these days. They don't even read the tags to see who has sent the gift.

I recall with horror the being forced to sit in a room with visiting distant relatives or family friends of my parents while the adults droned on and on about boring subjects and having to thank people I hardly knew for gifts I didn’t like! Obviously I taught my own children to say thank you and to call or write a note to thank for gifts but I did not make it the draconian exercise in Victorian style manners that I was subjected to? I am glad things are more relaxed these days

Yes things are more relaxed but that does not excuse bad manners. I had to behave very formally as a child and would not like to see a return to those days. However I think gifts should be received gratefully and a thank you given. In fact my husband & I decided today that one adult grandson would not receive any more cards or gifts as he never gets in touch with us. It is so easy these days with emails, Whatsapp etc. Unfortunately the down side of that is the constant presence of screens.

Totally agree chrisinefrance in fact we are stopping sending gifts to dh relatives as don't even get acknowledgment.

I don't see anything draconian in good manners
How horrifyingly to let child rip open gifts without even seeing who they from! What is that teaching them?

I guess they just have way too many gifts but not enough time given to teach them how to behave possibly?

It certainly is so different nowadays. Last Christmas DD2 with SIL and their 4 children; eldest two 18 and 19 ( they say they're like the Queen and had two batches, ten years apart) and two youngest 7 and 8. Eldest was on phone texting when they came to us for lunch so, when it got to serving puds, I texted her and asked what she would like! It got a reaction-lol!

My dd teaches her kids to say "Thank you" for gifts. If it's 'just clothes," though, they don't always do it very enthusiastically, unless maybe it's a particular type they want. Did you check to see what the kids would really like, Jules? That might make a difference next time.

Is it possible the parents have been having some struggles with them, particularly the 12s? They are "at that age," aren't they?

Or could it be the kids find it "boring" to spend time with adults?

Maybe the parents decided to "pick their battles" and as long as they joined you for dinner and came down to say "goodbye," they were satisfied.

The "not next to me" comment was rude, imo, and should have been corrected. But that's up to their parents, of course.

Imo, dh could have said, "that hurts my feelings." I don't think that would have been overstepping, just saying how he feels.

Other than that, I think you have to leave it to the parents. It's their decision what to teach their kids, not yours, even if you don't agree.

apart from that very rude comment which should have earned an instant reprimand from the parents, I think that was pretty normal behaviour. I remember being forced to sit in a room with my elderly grandparents and listen to the grown ups conversation - it was very boring. My own mother was brilliant with my children and although she did not see them that often, she arranged to come and watch their sports matches/swimming competitions etc. So she showed them great support, was interested in what THEY did and knew most of their friends by name. All of her grandchildren's friends adored her (usually she came armed with chocolate cake!). So perhaps if you get interested in what they are up to you may find the relationship being more natural.

To me it is the age for the 12 year twins. The 8 may be following to be 'grown up' the same, I think.

I am grateful that my daughter has always limited screen time for her kids. When I pop in , which is often just for an hour as they live quite near, one of them may be cleaning the chickens or playing in the garden or building Lego (boy, 10) and the girl now just 13 will stay around, but on her phone if her mum and I are chatting. But if it is a “proper “ visit eg around Christmas we all play a board game together.

With my other grandchildren we had a games evening, they chose Monopoly, and they are 13 and 16.
So whilst it is up to the parents to sort out rudeness, maybe everyone could join in a game together for an hour or so, then it is surely ok if they go off after that whilst the adults chat. A bit of effort and give and take on all sides.