help for son's polish girlfriend

Seriously, if they have been together for five years, how do they communicate? Does he speak Polish?

I think brainyblonde isn’t living up to her name
Why aren’t you showing her the ropes of how to live in U.K BB ? And why is your son ringing you up to complain about her
I m feeling VERY sorry for this girl if this is a genuine thread

When I lived in Bulgaria most people learnt English by watching films ( obviously with sub titles )
I don't know if they have a library in their town, but ours has lots of books (in Polish) to learn English.

We have had a lovely Polish cleaner for a couple of years, her husband came here before her and got to grips with English. When she started with us her English was fairly sparse but it's improved no end. A while back she arrived at 9 am and my husband remarked to her it was a gloomy day to which she responded "what's gloomy" so he explained the word to her. Now when she arrives and we ask her what the weather is like, if it's a grey day she always replies "gloomy" she tells us it's her favourite new word

It coukd be she is a bit depressed post baby, perhaps lonely and missing family back home and finding things generally getting on top of her. There are many poles in this country, so not too hard meet, they are all at our local park by the swings.
Not being flippant because my mum came from Germany with me as a baby. She had to learn english fast, the marriage wasnt happy and she found it hard. No one on her ‘side’ to talk to about her worries, her mum and sisters all back in Germany.

My mum always said to me ne ver marry a foreigner because you are alone in a strange country, it can be a very lonely place especially if the marriage isnt good.
Why not try and talk to her yourself, help with her english and learn a few words of polish.

I wonder if she is the main carer of Dds . If so they too are not going to pick up much English as they grow from toddler hood. I would be sitting her down myself of an evening. It beggars belief that five years have gone by with no communication.

She's worked for five years before maternity leave, so has been here longer. Does she really want to go back to Poland? Surely the first place for her to "integrate" is in your family. She doesn't need any Polish language resources, she needs to feel wanted and reassured that she has a home here. Perhaps she misses the support she would have if she and her children were living in Poland.

I expect she talks to them in polish. Its usual to do this because children pick up english very quickly. They hear two languages in the home, means they speak 2 languages, their mothers tongue, good for them being able to talk to family on the non english speaking side and english. Wish my mum had done this but it was not long after the end of the war, so was bad timing.

Poor woman sounds depressed to me.

Perhaps she is overwhelmed, poor girl, with a toddler and a new baby. Perhaps your DS could help more and you could offer to help without appearing to interfere too much brainyblonde

As you say you are a brainy blonde perhaps you could help her with her English.

Yes, there are lots of Polish people in this country (there have been Poles here for generations) so perhaps she could be encouraged to get out and meet other young mums, Polish, English or whatever nationality gather together.

I feel sorry for her, she seems to be struggling.

I think maybe it could be a touch of baby brain and the poor girl is struggling a wee bit and as suggested she may need the support of a childrens playgroup or similar where she will meet other mums.
Have you thought brainyblondeof getting in touch with local 6th form colleges and enquire if any of their students fancy giving her private lessons as I'm sure they would be glad of extra £s whilst they are still at school.

Polish is similar to russian, which has slavic roots. Very different from english, which has latin, germanic, and scandinavian roots.
It must be difficult for them to change.

A’m a bit puzzled how the DS ever got to know his wife!.
She doesn’t speak English and he doesn’t speak Polish.
I have a few Polish girls who come to clean every other week. The person who runs the business speaks fluent English but the others only have a few words. When here they only talk in Polish and they talk a lot!. I did ask one of the young girls why she didn’t go to college to improve her English but she just shrugged and smiled. Next time their here I will ask them to try speaking only in English.

Anyone with any common sense knows that they shouldn’t wander off when cooking chips in a pan of oil which ever country they live in, common sense surely.

How is she going to help her children when they start school?. Somehow she has got to improve her English so BB can you do some homework and find out where she can go for this. There must be colleges she could go to or a correspondence course. Do what you can to help her.

Brainy - Find some Polish people in their area. There are in many towns, and certainly in large cities, Polish shops, churches, community centres with people who could be willing to befriend her. They may also encourage her to learn English and suggest suitable classes. Or just chat to her and find out what's wrong.
However it sounds as if she may have PND and needs some support from professionals. An interpreter may be available. If the couple have been all right for 5 years something has apparently developed recently to make her distracted and tearful.

What I'm trying to say is that the young woman needs people, not resources or even classes.

With respect. What good are people if she doesn't understand them?

If she understands Polish people and they understand her, she can talk to them about being tearful and not always "getting" how people here live. That could be a big help to her. They also may know of where to find good teachers of English.

I dont think this has anything to do with her being Polish,MOST Polish people I've come across even employed are very competent ,learned English quickly and are happily integrated.Like others I believe this may be a PND problem ,brain fog through tiredness and being overwhelmed.IF the OP has her sons and GC's interests at heart she would be helping as much as possible to let the poor girl get back on her feet and her head back in gear

Yes, the languages are dissimilar but there has been so much integration between British and Polish people over many generations that there must be help available out there and other young mums who can help her.

It does sound more like PND and she sounds in need of some TLC as well as help with the English language.

There are usually meetup groups for different ethnicities, they would probably be a lot of help.

Some of our wider family's first language is a Slavic one and if they are all talking at top speed and top volume I can't understand a word! However good her English, it would still be a comfort to chat to people in her native tongue as they do.

I mean, however good anyone's English as a second language
(I realise her English is not good).

Usually when young people have babies they belong to mother and toddler groups surely there must be a Polish group within their area.Your DIL needs to want to meet people you cannot make her do anything it needs to be what she wants to do.
Common sense doesn't need a language to know what should be done for safety.
Why would your son be explaining about safety to his wife if he is the one who left the chip pan on, I am totally confused by the sentence.

I think you meant to say that SHE "almost burned down the house," brainyblonde, and not HE. Is that correct? If so, maybe she "wandered off" to tend to one of the children? Not easy to cook, keep house and watch kids at the same time. Where was ds? Maybe he needs to pitch in more either with household chores or childcare when he's home.

But if HE's the one who left the pan, as you wrote, then how is this about dil? Except maybe it means she needs to pitch in more.

Imo, they should be acting as a team. He shoudln't be complaining about her to his mum or teaming up with mum to "fix' her. I know safety is an important issue, particularly with children around. But they need to work on this together.

If dil needs help with English, imo, ds needs to convince her to take a course and help her find one. But that would mean his having to pitch in more. Also, maybe you could babysit while she's in class if you're willing and ds/dil are ok with this.

I know some posters doubt this story is real. But if it is, and if she "cries and gets upset" when "safety" is mentioned, could she have PPD? Or an emotional or learning problem? Ds needs to face reality about this.

But if a word from ds makes her cry, any "resources" given to her by her mil (you) will probably just wreak havoc. Since, again, safety is important, I can see making a suggestion or 2 to ds. But please don't approach dil. I don't think that would end well.