help for son's polish girlfriend

they have two little ones aged 2.5 and 3 months.

Maybe she's feeling the strain of coping with the little ones and having relatives who think it's all about her grasp of "the UK way of life".

Probably she needs empathy and practical help, and maybe some contact with other Polish people.

Can you afford to pay for someone to give her lessons in EFL?

Just spotted that Nina how odd!

Some local authorities have an interpretation service, though I'm sure these have suffered cuts. Often they employ speakers of other languages who also speak good English - Poles especially. Also, local information services publish leaflets in a number of different migrant languages.
Does your DS's house have a working smoke alarm?

Caladonial posts a helpful post and then soneone named Myral12345 reposts the last paragraph as if it is their own. No quotation marks or acknowledgement to Caladonial at all.

Please keep on trying to help this young mother in positive ways. Maybe you could wrap special Easter presents for the wee ones or conspire with your son to arrange an Easter egg hunt just for HER. The wee Polish boy we knew (now adult) got the greatest of pleasure re-hiding his chocolate eggs for his mama to find and share. Still does.

Reported

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Deep fat frier with a thermostat should work. And sent overfill it

No one think of that!

I think other posters may be right about a touch of baby brain re the chip pan and I agree with the suggestions about more help and support from those who love DIL and the children.

However, I got to know a lovely Polish family very well and there were some small cultural differences which actually caused some quite big problems for them. Equally, some of our wee Scottish ways also caused confusion for them and it was only with the help of a very motherly (some would say nosey) neighbour that we all learned where boundaries lay. Language was not a problem as the Polish woman had taught English at secondary level and worked as an interpreter. She still felt very isolated at times.

It must be very difficult to be far from home with young children and not have an ear for languages. Maybe the DiL worked with other Polish people and chatted to them without having to absorb so much English. And maybe now she feels she can't go to toddler groups where she might make gaffs (I'm sure she wouldn't but she hasn't a sister or bilingual companion who could go along to reassure). She needs a friend. Possibly a quite pushy one.

One of the things which we learned on our neighbourly curve was that Easter was as big a deal to our Polish friends as Christmas is here. It was a time for family and special gifts. They gave our little GD soft toys and lovely books about ducklings and angels, all beautifully wrapped. Maybe you could find out if your DiL is missing her own family and help her out with sending something appropriate.

Loopyloo has the right idea above. If DiL is religious, could you find out when the church times are and babysit specially?

Please keep on trying to help this young mother in positive ways. Maybe you could wrap special Easter presents for the wee ones or conspire with your son to arrange an easter egg hunt just for HER. The wee Polish boy we knew (now adult) got the greatest of pleasure re-hiding his chocolate eggs for his mama to find and share. Still does.

Think you need to research the local area. Perhaps ask at the local RC church . Many Poles are Catholic. They may run a toddler group. Also ask at the doctors. I would be in tears with 2 small kids, miles away from home with a husband who tells me off about fat friers.

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If dil needs help with English, imo, ds needs to convince her to take a course and help her find one. But that would mean his having to pitch in more. Also, maybe you could babysit while she's in class if you're willing and ds/dil are ok with this.

I know some posters doubt this story is real. But if it is, and if she "cries and gets upset" when "safety" is mentioned, could she have PPD? Or an emotional or learning problem? Ds needs to face reality about this.

But if a word from ds makes her cry, any "resources" given to her by her mil (you) will probably just wreak havoc. Since, again, safety is important, I can see making a suggestion or 2 to ds. But please don't approach dil. I don't think that would end well.

I think you meant to say that SHE "almost burned down the house," brainyblonde, and not HE. Is that correct? If so, maybe she "wandered off" to tend to one of the children? Not easy to cook, keep house and watch kids at the same time. Where was ds? Maybe he needs to pitch in more either with household chores or childcare when he's home.

But if HE's the one who left the pan, as you wrote, then how is this about dil? Except maybe it means she needs to pitch in more.

Imo, they should be acting as a team. He shoudln't be complaining about her to his mum or teaming up with mum to "fix' her. I know safety is an important issue, particularly with children around. But they need to work on this together.

Usually when young people have babies they belong to mother and toddler groups surely there must be a Polish group within their area.Your DIL needs to want to meet people you cannot make her do anything it needs to be what she wants to do.
Common sense doesn't need a language to know what should be done for safety.
Why would your son be explaining about safety to his wife if he is the one who left the chip pan on, I am totally confused by the sentence.

I mean, however good anyone's English as a second language
(I realise her English is not good).

Some of our wider family's first language is a Slavic one and if they are all talking at top speed and top volume I can't understand a word! However good her English, it would still be a comfort to chat to people in her native tongue as they do.

There are usually meetup groups for different ethnicities, they would probably be a lot of help.

Yes, the languages are dissimilar but there has been so much integration between British and Polish people over many generations that there must be help available out there and other young mums who can help her.

It does sound more like PND and she sounds in need of some TLC as well as help with the English language.

I dont think this has anything to do with her being Polish,MOST Polish people I've come across even employed are very competent ,learned English quickly and are happily integrated.Like others I believe this may be a PND problem ,brain fog through tiredness and being overwhelmed.IF the OP has her sons and GC's interests at heart she would be helping as much as possible to let the poor girl get back on her feet and her head back in gear

If she understands Polish people and they understand her, she can talk to them about being tearful and not always "getting" how people here live. That could be a big help to her. They also may know of where to find good teachers of English.

With respect. What good are people if she doesn't understand them?

What I'm trying to say is that the young woman needs people, not resources or even classes.

Brainy - Find some Polish people in their area. There are in many towns, and certainly in large cities, Polish shops, churches, community centres with people who could be willing to befriend her. They may also encourage her to learn English and suggest suitable classes. Or just chat to her and find out what's wrong.
However it sounds as if she may have PND and needs some support from professionals. An interpreter may be available. If the couple have been all right for 5 years something has apparently developed recently to make her distracted and tearful.