minding GC stopped for extra nursery hours

Just because your SIL works from home it doesn't mean he has time to do all the housework, cooking etc and possibly actually finds your presence in the house a distraction from his work. Working from home is not a cushy option - a lot of us are stressed just as much as those who travel to their place of work and struggle to do much else. Your original post about the change of plans does seem a bit excessive - they were given the opportunity to put their child in nursery an extra day where they will benefit from social interaction with other children and get them ready for big school. To throw out food and treats just because you were let down at the last minute is just silly. Given your husband's health issues I would think he welcomes the freedom of driving an hour each way to babysit too. Life's too short to be so angry about this and you risk alienating your family completely which might result in not seeing your grandchild at all. Use the time you would have been childminding to go out and enjoy yourselves pursuing your own interests - and don't worry about their cooking, cleaning etc - they're adults and quite able to look after themselves and their family.

Btw, it's clear you don't like sil (I understand why), and he and dd can probably feel it, even if you haven't said anything about it. Also, dd is obviously stressed and, perhaps, taking it out on you (hence the ranting). But maybe she also rants at you because you're doing/saying some things that get on her nerves now.

Whatever, it could be that there are tensions behind this daycare decision that go beyond timing? I'm so sorry if they are.

Sorry, franticnana, you may have chosen that name "for a joke," but I think you subconsciously picked a name that fits. You do sound rather frantic, ready to co everybody, just because of a change in plans.

I agree, dd should have told you sooner. She didn't need to discuss it with you - gps don't have a say in nursery - but since you and dh were going to be affected by the change, she should have given you more advanced notice. But reacting the way you are comes across as quite frantic, indeed.

I can not understand what franticnana is frantic about. The dd should have given more warning, if she had it. None of the decision has to do with nana, other than timing. With additional facts of dd's mental health, husband, job, what problem is nana's to be frantic?

I do not understand binning treats for no cause. I would save treats for a later visit, I think. Our gc do grow up and go to nursery as they should.

Are there hidden problems, maybe even hidden to nana's mind?

Unfortunately the levels of good manners and respect we expect rarely exits any more. As annoying as it is move on and don't ruin your own health by being annoyed about it.
Young people seem to be very self centred these days and they probably can't see anything wrong with their behaviour. Say your piece to them and then live your lives as you want and not to fit in with everyone else's arrangements. Sometimes we as GPs centre our lives around others when we need to learn independence ourselves x

thank you beau for your support and kind comments- I am not sleeping well but every day is different - my username is just a joke as many nanas rush about to fit it all in. - my lovely best friend has 12 grandchildren and is like a spinning top rushing here there - spending one whole day wrapping xmas presents and remembers every birthday and special event- well done to nanas everywhere and grandmas and grandads god bless

I think this is the perfect timing to enjoy more time with your lovely husband and that extra day without all the travelling may be a boon I m sure you will still see plenty of your grandchild but maybe more on your terms
As for your daughter and her husband they will need to sort that out themselves we can only be there to help if the help is wanted and asked for

Yes, it would be lovely to come from a family where everyone helped each other, however that is a pipe dream to the many people whose families are mostly not on speaking terms, like my own. My situation is not like the OP but I was expressing solidarity with the hurt she was feeling. I actually moved to the other end of the country last year to look after my baby DGS, leaving my whole life behind me, so nursery days came as a shock to me - in my day that was for 3 year olds, not tiny babies.

I think you are right about your daughter being exhausted, a late baby, useless husband and responsible job what a combination. In the midst of this, whatever you think, she has had the worry of sick parents. I hope everything calms down soon.

It sounds as if your son in law is half the cause of the stress.
I hope you can sort it all out (and son in law too!)

Original post says We have had no rows or anything
Last post says in the last 3 months my daughter has had 4 angry outbursts ranting and raging at me in my home about silly things
Do you not regard your daughter ranting at you as a row franticnanna ? Do you just allow her to do this and not reply? I really think you need help with your relationship and it isn't just about a nursery place.

Further to comments made - in the last 3 months my daughter has had 4 angry outbursts ranting and raging at me in my home about silly things. I have noticed before whenGC first went into nursery and she had very stressful job and a boss who upset everyone she ended up in tears one day. I think she is worn out up at 6am and home late. Husband works from home on computer does no housework at all, washing is piling up - we do some when there -wash pots, empty bins, hoover, while he is watching films on laptop! My husband (70) is diabetic, had leukaemia and thyroid problems, then one day I realised he is just taking the mick out of us, so we cut down what we did. We take all our own food for lunch and GC food as well, and sometimes make family meal for tea, chicken casserole, spag bol etc. I have never heard him say thank you in 3 years and seems to have a life of riley. I think this is part of the problem, she is stressed both ends. We feel sad we have been dumped but life goes on. I will not ring my daughter for 2 weeks but I feel annoyed he is not supporting her - Lists of jobs go in the bin and we would do our best to help when we could but being 58 miles away it is not easy.My daughter will not have more children as she isin 40s now and took 3-4 years to get pregnant. My husband says "team work is dream work" and we are both a very close partnership helping each other where we can, sadly Daughter does not have this. But thats their problem.
My husband nearly died from Leukaemia and it was touch and go for 2 years. I had to have counselling and sometimes have panic attacks. I am never going to be the same but thankful we are alive and fairly well. Please think carefully before you judge people on here and be careful what you write.

And loving every minute of it Beau isnt that how it should be each generation helping the next and so on my parents helped me, and my mums parents helped her
Franticnanna I think your name is giving it away calm right done and thank your lucky stars you have grandkids to love and help out with

Beau if you dont want to watch your GC ...dont....its not compulsory.Most of us love having them and are happy to help out parents because we remember what it was like NOT getting help.My mother would take mine for a couple of hours and if I was 5 minutes late would have them ready and standing at the door.I.m not a slave ,but I've cared for all 4 of my GC from they were weeks old and loved doing it...BUT I knew they would go to nursery and wasn't distraught when they did ...life moves on ....it always has .The OP needs to get some perspective on this

I agree with night owl - I'm afraid some AC do take all this free full time childcare for granted and make one feel like a slave. I totally understand why the OP is hurt and angry. No, I did not consult my own mother about DD but then again, she babysat her for the sum total of 2 hours during her whole childhood so the situation is not comparable. These days some of us are simply unpaid full time nannies.

Um I am increasingly confused by this post which started as lack of consultation/information, moved to chucking out treats, moved to cut off for a peaceful life, bossy managerial daughters and then mental health problems. Franticnan I think that your great anger over the nursery issue is actually because of much deeper, long term issues with your daughter and between you and her ...the anger over the nursery is just symptomatic of that. You might need to think about the deeper issues and address those, rather than the nursery incident!

Blue Belle - spot on. Just 3 of my eight gcs still under 12 and what you say about never seeing the older ones is true. Still...the oldest is now 17, so I just might get in another nappy change.

Blue Belle - spot on. Just 3 of my eight gcs still under 12 and what you say about never seeing the older ones is true. Still...the oldest is now 17, so I just might get in another nappy change.

Blue Belle - spot on. Just 3 of my eight gcs still under 12 and what you say about never seeing the older ones is true. Still...the oldest is now 17, so I just might get in another nappy change.

Blue Belle - spot on. Just 3 of my eight gcs still under 12 and what you say about never seeing the older ones is true. Still...the oldest is now 17, so I just might get in another nappy change.

Blue Belle - spot on. Just 3 of my eight gcs still under 12 and what you say about never seeing the older ones is true. Still...the oldest is now 17, so I just might get in another nappy change.

Blue Belle - spot on. Just 3 of my eight gcs still under 12 and what you say about never seeing the older ones is true. Still...the oldest is now 17, so I just might get in another nappy change.

Blue Belle - spot on. Just 3 of my eight gcs still under 12 and what you say about never seeing the older ones is true. Still...the oldest is now 17, so I just might get in another nappy change.

Blue Belle - spot on. Just 3 of my eight gcs still under 12 and what you say about never seeing the older ones is true. Still...the oldest is now 17, so I just might get in another nappy change.

Blue Belle - spot on. Just 3 of my eight gcs still under 12 and what you say about never seeing the older ones is true. Still...the oldest is now 17, so I just might get in another nappy change.