Gransnet forums


minding GC stopped for extra nursery hours

(126 Posts)
franticnana Mon 08-Jan-18 01:48:30

has anyone on this forum been told less than 24 hours notice that their GC is now enrolled in nursery on the only day you see your GS while other granny still does her day each week. if so what did they do about it. We have had no rows or anything and have minded GC for more than 3 years sometimes at very short notice. We are both very upset and feel we should have been spoken to earlier and discussed the matter. Seems we are not important anymore. We have a very close relationship with GC and are totally baffled at this change.

WilmaKnickersfit Mon 08-Jan-18 02:45:53

Have you asked what other day you can look after your GC? Perhaps asking that simple question without any hurt emotions in your voice would start the conversation?

ninathenana Mon 08-Jan-18 06:27:59

Maybe "your day" was the only one available at the nursery. I wouldn't expect my DD to consult me over whether it was ok for her to book a nursery place for a GC.

I agree with what Wilma said.

Starlady Mon 08-Jan-18 07:21:32

I agree with both of the above posters. I know you're disappointed, but stay pleasant, and I'm sure you'll keep up your relationship with gs in other ways. You'll still probably be called upon on short notice if you don't mind.

This was all bound to change anyway once he's in full time school. Then neither granny will "have a day."

Marydoll Mon 08-Jan-18 07:25:46

I can certainly see why you are upset. Could you offer to help on another day and give the parents some time to spend together?
It is difficult to get nursery places and perhaps that was the only day available. Could you and the other GPs share and do alternate days?
Whatever happens, you cannot let it eat away at you. You need to have a conversation about it.

BlueBelle Mon 08-Jan-18 07:26:22

I agree with Nina it may have been the only day available and it may have come up unexpectedly and they were put on the spot to say yes or no or lose it However I can also understand how you feel having it dropped on you without any prior consultation Don’t please don’t make it a battle because the other gran still has a day that may be going very soon too as the little one gets older
How ever hurt you are do not make it a war that you may regret, if your relationship with your daughter (or son) is good just have a calm conversation with them
It’s the lack of communication that has made this normal process so difficult

suzied Mon 08-Jan-18 07:48:49

Your GD is over 3 so surely you’d know she would be going to nursery and school soon? I guess it’s the feeling you are “out of the loop” that is hurtful. Have that conversation with the parents, but at the end of the day, it’s their child and their decision about nursery.

Humbertbear Mon 08-Jan-18 08:00:39

I think a lot of us have been through this. With older GC you suddenly find they can’t come after school because they are now doing drama/ swimming/ music lessons. As with everything else, we have learnt to smile sweetly and take our medicine. I think the children’s p- t nanny gets better treatment than we do but then we can’t actually resign.

OldMeg Mon 08-Jan-18 08:19:33

This is something you have to negotiate your way through. Yes, it was a shock being told suddenly and without warning that this was about to happen, but it was inevitable.

I’ve just managed to negotiate picking my GDs up from school one day a week so I get some time with them. These are girls that I used to look after full time until they stared a couple of days at nursery and then full time school.

Luckily I don’t have the other GPs to ‘compete’ with as it were. Try to negotiate another time, even if it’s just an hour or two and (and this is very important) don’t fall out over it.

mcem Mon 08-Jan-18 08:23:28

I agree you should suggest that both you and 'other gran' can benefit by having alternate weeks. That will only last for a year or so and then it might be all change - possibly sharing pickups and tea - before that cycle of after-school activities kicks in.
It would be sad if the present routine lasted forever.

tanith Mon 08-Jan-18 08:29:37

As the others have said did you expect the arrangements to stay the same forever? Of course things are going to change your GC is being eased into some independence which is how it should be and you have to accept this as normal. Please do not cause a falling out but accept things with good grace.

BlueBelle Mon 08-Jan-18 08:33:25

Wait till they hit 12 and you ll never see them 😢 but that is how it is and how it should be they are not our children there is a difficult mental cross over when you have sole care for hours to realise they are not actually yours
It’s the shock and lack of communication that’s the problem here, don’t carry it in your heart or it ll fester

Violetfloss Mon 08-Jan-18 09:08:50

If she's 3 years plus, she will be starting pre school soon if not already?
The school both my DDs are at did settling in periods really for fulltime school.
I'm guessing that's It?

A heads up would be of been nice but the parents didn't need to discuss it with you.

If it's been less than 24 hours they have not had time to arrange a day/hours or anything for you to see your GC.

eazybee Mon 08-Jan-18 09:16:12

The parents of your grandchild may feel that you will be relieved not to be tied to one day a week child care. 24 hours notice is not very long to discuss arrangements, and nursery places are offered very quickly, with little chance for negotiation.
Bide your time, then offer kindly to share duties with the other grandparents, but don't make an issue of it. Your grandchild will soon enough be in full-time education, and pickups after school will be appreciated.

radicalnan Mon 08-Jan-18 10:17:57

Everything changes and we have to be prepared to go with the flow. I suspect the nursery offered them a day and they took it. Don't be upset or read too much into this. Your GC will want to see you too.

I am sure something will be worked out that suits you all.

dizzygran Mon 08-Jan-18 10:21:40

I do understand, but also recommend that you bide your time - there will be times when the nursery is not open or your GC cannot go to nursery. Also when the GC starts school lots of help will be needed to cope with the shorter hours (a nightmare for most parents as lots of schools do weeks of half days). Keep yourself busy in other ways and don't dwell on the situation - things do tend to change.

Susie65 Mon 08-Jan-18 10:34:46

Something similar happened to me so totally understand. I was very upset, decided to say nothing whilst emotional & it was the best thing I ever did. I offered to help out with another day and we worked it out. Routines change all the time with young children....... good luck hope this works out for you

Matriark Mon 08-Jan-18 10:36:33

It’s hard, isn’t it? flowers Baby-care, and childcare are by definition time-limited. Try not to mind, be grateful for the time you’ve had, and look forward to a changing but equally close relationship with your little one!

Craftycat Mon 08-Jan-18 10:43:43

Good idea to suggest alternate weeks.
I agree completely that when they get to 'big' school you see very little of them & I do so miss my older dgc but it is lovely to see them turning into charming young men-although we are in stroppy young teenager stage at the moment. Funnily enough he is fine with me & reverts to the boy who gets spoilt rotten by Grandma when he does come here.
Just enjoy every moment.

Luckygirl Mon 08-Jan-18 10:45:39

The less than 24 hours notice is a bit much, I agree! But it is likely that your GC now qualifies for the free nursery place and that may have been the only day the nursery could do. Also at 3 your DD may feel that now is the time for nursery as a preparation for school. I do not necessarily agree with that as I feel they go to school too young, but that's another argument.

I do understand how you feel. There is something special about welcoming GC into your home.

I expect that your DD/DS is busy working and juggling stuff around and it simply has not occurred to them that you might be miffed. I would advise not discussing it till you have got over the shock a bit - you do not want any falling out over it.

janeayressister Mon 08-Jan-18 10:47:09

Well, the alternative to fretting and feeling annoyed and hurt is NOT feeling any of those things. The choice is yours.
You have a life, and as you get older it might be best to concentrate on your own life and getting the most pleasure out of it you can.
As your children get older they need and rely on you less and less.
This is good as you brought them up to leave you and make their own lives. So you now have a choice, feel indignant and mull it over until you can't sleep or NOT.
Get out, get going and the next time they want you to drop everything, you won't be in, as you will be busy bungee jumping.

icanhandthemback Mon 08-Jan-18 11:03:55

I find it surprising that many on GN feel that you should say nothing and take it in your stride. I don't think you should pick an argument but I certainly feel you should be able to say that you are disappointed you aren't going to get that time with your GC and ask if there was anything that inspired that decision other than logistics. I'd want to know if it was something I was doing wrong because I'd want to reassure the parents that I would be prepared to put things right. I wouldn't be accusatory or pushy and I would be respectful of their decision but I would want them to know that I was only human too. If you don't discuss these things, how do you resolve issues if there are any?

Cold Mon 08-Jan-18 11:16:46

It is very disappointing for you - but it is a fact of life that children grow up and needs change when the GC is 3-4 and getting ready for school. Many parents want to use a pre-school at this age for so that their DC has social interaction with other children and to make friends with future classmates.

24 hours is short notice - I would guess that your GC has been on a waiting list and this day suddenly become available at short notice.

Talk to the parents about when you can see GC - Is there another time you can have GC - can you offer to be "on call" for illnesses? Can you offer holiday care? Once GC has settled in - can you do drop offs and pick ups?

luluaugust Mon 08-Jan-18 11:23:21

I agree with the advice given, obviously it would have been better if someone had told you earlier but as has been said I bet they were suddenly offered a slot and grabbed it. I am a good bit ahead of you in the grandparent game and I am afraid you have probably had the best bit of regularly seeing DGC unless you get involved in after school care on a regular basis. After school activities kick in and our DGC have numerous after school things, weekends are full and the only time they get to be with their working parents. It can be upsetting but is perfectly normal. It may be you can negotiate another day to have DGC but don't look on it as other than a short term arrangement now they are 3.

franticnana Mon 08-Jan-18 11:28:21

thank you for all your feedback. My GC is at a private nursery already doing 3 days. In November it was mentioned that they would qualify for free nursery in January for 30hours. I did think that we would be told with maybe a weeks notice as we journey 1 hour each way and I had bought food and treats. These are now in the bin - we all want the best for our GC and we understand he is growing fast etc - we want GC to flourish like all GPs. However I feel there are ways to handle this better. What annoyed me they had been for tea and we said see you Monday to GS and both never said a word then phoned up last minute. I know some mums at the nursery and they told me places were given just before christmas. So they knew well in advance, there is no respect these days from young people and we are oaps now and not in great health, what a sad way to treat your grandparents. Then the next day expected us to drop all and drive for another babysitting day!! We are kind people who have got these self-entitled mobile phone fanatics for family- whatever happenned to good manners- gone forever I think. I did not sleep at all and am on various tablets-however some people expect too much - just a little few kind words would have been so much better|. I am not minding now for 2 weeks and maybe go on holiday. Two very unhappy grandparents!.