Feeling jealous of the other grandparents.

Spare a thought for other OGPs - sounds as if this is the first time they have really got to know these GCs and are spoiling them rotten - it might soon wear off.

Thanks for your replies. The OGP only saw our GC when my DD took the children to see them, because they didn't get on with their Son. The OGP didn't want to babysit not even for an hour. When DD went into labor with 2nd child I had to take holidays to look after No1 child at short notice even though they said they would have her, let down at the last minute, they don't work. When No3 child came along and it was a planned C-section they booked a last minute holiday. Now they have made up with their Son it's all change.
It's me that is being stupid and yes I should be glad they are now in contact properly with OGP.

They are maybe going overboard making more of an effort to make up for all the years of grandparent neglect ! Getting rid of their guilt maybe

Thinking about it again, I don't see why you can't say, "That's a rude comment,' yourself if it's directed at you and dh or "That hurts my feelings. Why are you being rude to me?" One can't discipline someone else' child, but one can stand up for oneself. The kids may be testing the limits to this gp business, and that will show them right where they are.

But it seems they're only seeing the pgps more now because their dad is living there. Once he moves out again, they will probably be there much less.

Agree that you shouldn't worry if your gc express enjoyment of the other gps' gifts or their visit there. They shouldn't be making comparisons, though, and I think the 11 yr old is old enough to know that, if not the others. Imo, dd needs to prevent it by talking to them before they see you or in general ("It's rude to tell someone that another person's things are better. Don't do that.") But there's not much you can do about that.

I was putting out some oven chips, straight kind, watched by youngest DGS when he announced Granny X always has CRINKLE chips o'h dear thats children for you!

I can relate. My GD only had us in her life for her first four years. Then bridges were mended and the other grandparents came on the scene. I do find it hard, hearing about the presents being bought, the parties held at their house etc., What can you do but grin and bear it and say nothing. My GD will not remember that they weren't always there. For her that's how it should be.

Sympathies OP Just keep on doing what you've always done - involving your GC in stuff and supporting your DD. If your GC refer to the whatever their other GPs have done, just say how nice and bite your lip.

MARNIE

What a sad affair.
When your children marry or get together with a partner, they have a balancing act to perfect. Their chief concerns are wife/husband/partner and any children. You have no idea whether their marriage is under strain or financial worries they may have. Life is not always as it appears to the casual visitor, he might be using you as his whipping boy.
Go about your own life and fill it with as many happy interludes as time and money allow and remember, your GC will not necessarily spend any inheritance wisely. Don't leave yourself without some pleasures simply to give GC something when you're gone. I'm having fun whilst I'm LIVING not leaving a bundle of money to others who are earning their own money.

I thought I'd laughably children that material things dont matter. It is who you are. It is a pity that the children are comparing but just be happy you see them. Dad will probably move to his own place and usual visiting to OGP will resume. Did they see a lot of them when dad was not there. Did they do comparisons then. Perhaps dad is pointing things out to children or asking what you have. Hope it stops real soon

It says that they're children, and children's heads are turned by nice things. Also a lot of adults heads are too.
It can take years to realise that material things simply don't matter.

As adults, when the GC look back they will remember 2 sets of grandparents, each who offered them something different.
To new grandparents, try to build a good relationship with the other set at the earliest possible time. Hopefully it will offer the parents and GC more support; and if there are bumps in the road ahead, it might make things smooth out more easily.

To be honest it says more about the grandchildren than about you or the other grandparents. They ought not to be making these comparisons and I wonder where they've learnt it from.

Try not to see this as a competition to get jealous about.

Of course the kids like going to the other GP's home - their dad lives there! It's daddy's home!

Don't see my GC. We are lower class to DiL s family. My DS told me he didn't want to see any Xmas or birthday presents to himself now he has children. Then see messages of FiL asking what he wanted for Xmas. We just crawl back into our hole and when I die GC are beneficiaries. Missing a generation out.

I go through this regularly as my dgd tells me how much the other grandparents buy her and what they do. They have a posh car and plenty money and im alone and have to scrimp but im learning to find alternatives. For instance i bake and make things with dgd which is something the others dont do. So totally sympathise with the op.

I suspect the other grandparents are making the most of what was probably an unexpected opportunity to have the GC around especially if they were unable to keep in touch when the marriage broke down. I am sure their son will move on eventually and everything will calm down. Children are as good at playing games as anybody and do probably say similar things to the other side, try not to let it get to you.

I'd say concentrate on your own relationship with your GC and forget about them. If they make hurtful remarks tell them so and point out it's not a competition, no mater what you have or give them you love them just as much if not more. I'd make a joke of it and say something like 'yes, but I'm better looking and I make the best cupcakes or whatever your good at ever'.

The ex husband probably won't live with the other grandparents for ever so the situation may change in the future. If they haven't had so much contact before, they are probably over compensating now.

I live far away from my grandchildren ( 300 miles ) and only get to see them a few times a year. They live in the same town and the other gps and see them often (one daily as looked after from school ) I do have a pang now and again but I'm pleased they have good people in their life so I suppress those thoughts down. Could you try to see it that way and embrace the conversation when they tell you those things.

Maybe the other GPs are trying to mae up for the years they have not had contact so often with the children and just going a wee bit over the top.
Don't worry about it you DGCs know you love them unconditionly no matter what thats all thats important

nanawind, I'm sorry you are hurting but it's not like that for everyone.

Similar situation but we refuse to compete and let them get on with it, though as you said it can hurt at times. As they get older the children will see through anything that is not genuine and it is possibly a novelty still to young children - they can be impressed quite easily but also very fickle. Just keep being the grand parents you have always been and it will work itself out.

It's so funny you look forward and are excited to become grandparents but it's also a minefield that you don't upset someone, you have to learn to smile and keep your opinions to yourself, whilst hurting inside.

I would just be glad they enjoy going, imagine if they didnt and were upset everytime they had to.

This is said in then nicest way with no malice intended.