Adoptive grandparents

Yup, me too. I hope she has as much pleasure and joy from her grandchild as my adoptive grandparents did from theirs.

I think I’ve made it clear what I meant and I’m not the only one who thinks preparation is wise. I’ll jst sign off this thread now by wishing all the joy in the world to the OP with her new granddaughter

What exactly would you be preparing for, maryeliza?

I belong to the school of thought that says all adopted children should grow up knowing about their adoptions and the joy they brought to their families. None of the old idea about waiting 'until they're old enough to understand.'
About 40 years ago we were overjoyed to be handed beautiful 6weekold girls and had no adoption-related problems.
Both my girls and I agree the the new system of open adoptions would be more difficult.
However that's the way it is now and to get the family I have now I 'd jump through all the hoops.
I agree that being prepared and receptive to advice is not 'looking for probkems'.

Wise preparation is not looking for problems imo

I agree with Eglantine don't look for problems and don't make the fact the child is adopted a big deal. Of course some children do have a history which can be problematic later and you are wise to check on this. Adoption does not make us different other people do that.

Chessgirl..we have two adopted grand-children a boy and a girl. The little boy was six months when he was placed with our daughter and the little girl was seventeen months. They are now five and three and we have treated them no differently to our "natural" grandchildren who, incidentally, are now twenty and nearly eighteen.
I would recommend the book mentioned by Maryeliza...Related by Adoption. Our daughter bought this for us and was very informative.
Please don't assume there will be problems, as Eglantine says...the adopted are just people.
Love and enjoy your new grand-daughter

I think there have been huge changes in adoption practice and the type of child who is adopted. I think being prepared and not having too romantised a view is very sensible. The % of failed adoptions is heartbreaking for all concerned but especially the children. There are no national statistics but it is estimated at between 3.2% and 9% which is a lot of children, adoptive parents and grandparents. There has been academic research into this area and obviously some children are more at risk than others ( those adopted as young teenagers for example). Apologies OP if this is all a bit downbeat but I think your thoughtful approach is such a positive way to behave as it acknowledges reality. All the research also stresses how vital post adoption support is.

Perhaps you could offer some signposts for help, guidance and support nellie ?

Hmm, just getting on with it worked for me. And the rest of the family...
I can't help thinking that if everyone involved had started out by assuming there would be problems and treating us differently because we were adopted, then we would have had problems.
We just got loved, cuddled, played with, told off and (I have to say it) smacked occasionally and were generally expected to grow up into decent, independent people.
I dread to think what would have happened if well-meaning experts had ladled in with their advice.
The adopted are just people!!

I’m sorry this came across as criticising SS - I can see why it did. What I was trying to get across clumsily is that it is recognised that post adoption support is vital and it isn’t routinely provided. I do know that it is a funding issue but the fact is that the OP is right to think about the issues and that it is relevant that the child is from a troubled background. I have a close friend who works in adoption and fostering so I am very aware of the appalling under resourcing of the services.

matyeliza54
There has been some criticism of this not being addressed sufficiently in the post adoption period by SS and not enough support being offered.
And so it has always been.
L.A s do not have the money to provide more than minimal after support. In many places the attitude is something like, "you adopted this child
She/he is your child now get on with it."

corambaaf.org.uk

This looks a helpful site - it also publishes a book ‘Related by Adoption’ which you can look up on Amazon.

chess I think it’s really lovely that you are thinking about this and I believe you are right to do so - it’s well known that there are short and longer term problems with some adopted children from troubled backgrounds. There has been some criticism of this not being addressed sufficiently in the post adoption period by SS and not enough support being offered. Asking proactively for guidance is so thoughtful - I also think there might be a suitable specialist on line forum where people share their experiences?

I just want to wish you well. You have such good intentions that you deserve to have an excellent relationship with your new GD.
My DD's were adopted as babies so by the time the GCs arrived it really wasn't an issue at all.
My niece is a social worker working in adoption. I'll have a word if I can but think the advice given by Jim is excellent.
After all adoption is a whole-family affair so best wishes to all of you.

Pre-emptive worry. Now I'm wondering f there is such a word!

I had adoptive grandparents, all four of them, as well as four natural ones. Lucky, lucky me!
I think they just loved me and treated me and their other adoptive grandchildren no differently from their natural grandchildren as far as I could see.
I understand your concerns but please don't assume there are going to be any big problems and lose the joy of her in pre-emotive worry.
After all, I am just fine!

There are some excellent books on the market. You could ask your Daughter about this and perhaps her Placement Social Worker (case worker) might be able to arrange a home visit and give your her advice. I would imagine that you Daughter would be very up to date on this topic as well as part of the training program for adoptive parents.
This is what I have done myself.
Jimbow. Child Psychotherapist and Social Worker