How can I curb my anxiety?

Sluttygran, your GP should not have laughed at you. What an idiot he is! You have recognised that your worries have gone beyond the normal and you were asking for help, which you should have been offered. Why not go to another GP in the practice and ask for a referral for some counselling. It sounds as though you have become hyper-vigilant after the emergency with your grandson last year. I agree with Lemongrove, by the way, that her approach to her grandchildren's condition is rational. I hope that you will be able to take that stance when you have been able to work through your current anxiety. It sounds as though you recognise that your ruminations are over-the-top. You are unhappy and know you need a bit of help to get back to being a resilient person. All the best!

I could have written your letter as I have the same problem I too was a nurse and I think a little knowledge is not necessarily a good thing. I was always a worrier but now that I'm a granny I'm ten times worse! There are so many stories in the news these days as well, regarding childhood illnesses and accidents that I always seem to home in on. I found it helpful just talking about it as both my son and daughter always say did you worry this much when we were little. I think as we get older we're so much more aware of what can happen and the world seems a much more dangerous place these days. I do try to change the way I think and cognitive behavioural therapy is a means of doing this so maybe it's worth seeing a therapist. We can't protect our grandchildren 24/7 so I try to stop worrying and just enjoy the time I have with them Like you I am so glad to see that there are other grannies out there who feel the same and we are not alone.

I'm a therapist....and know G.P should be laughing at you or making light. If you thought uyou needed to talk it over with a G.P Sluttygran, you are concerned. See another G.P, and maybe ask for some CBT therapy. x Mindfulness is also good, but you have made a big step in asking for help, dont be fobbed off!

I have a little sympathy for the GP because of conversations we have had about some people. One came to him saying they had diarrhoea and when he asked how long for they said 2 hours. Another asked for anti depressants which he refused to give so they took 4 paracetamol and went to hospital saying they had taken an overdose and made an official complaint against the GP. Bearing in mind that they must see a lot of people with not a lot wrong with them, it must be really hard to decide who needs help and who doesn't. I said somewhere up thread that going back to the GP was a good idea because a second visit for the same thing might make them realise it is more serious than they thought. If the OP is the type to not make a big fuss then it is hard for the GP as they are often accused of over prescribing some meds. Damned if they do and damned if they don't.

I know exactly what you're feeling, Sluttygran. I have been a worrier since childhood, and suffer from anxiety and the occasional panic attack. Like you, I'm also a trained nurse. As others have said, anxiety isn't logical, but I do find that yoga and swimming help me to relax. also being in the company of people who make me laugh. Kalms can help too, also the odd glass of wine! Good luck, you aren't alone!

I empathise with you, Sluttygran, I have thought about why we ladies get into this mind set, I have come to the conclusion it is about control & before anyone shouts, what I mean is that when it was our own children we did have sole control & we did what we thought was best & just got on with it etc, without giving it a second thought ,however when it’s our grandchildren I think because we are once removed from being in control,it turns to worry & then we start questioning whether the parents are doing all the right things & have considered all angles etc to keep the child safe. The only think that helped me was to continually remind myself that our children ( with some exceptions) are perfectly capable just as we were of safely caring for their children & that it is in fact none of our business . It is not easy ,but there is no peace of mind if you don’t accept this.

I think we are more prone to worrying as we get older and we are not all the same. Some folk can shrug off worries by being super busy, some can rationalise their fears. My family know that I like to know they have arrived safely if they have been to stay or are going on a long journey and always text. We all keep in touch anyway on a family What’s App sharing fun things and photos too. Lots of advice and tips on here for diverting thoughts and keeping busy. A sympathetic GP does help, mine recognised I was under stress when I told him how my husband had suddenly become more disabled. Just recognising that seemed to help. Some people need medication, some finding a sympathetic ear and there are all kinds of self help - fro yoga to breathing exercises. You have to find something that works for you. I trust you do.

I'm another worrier and only this week my daughter said I catastrophise! I hadn't really heard the term before but I must do that. It's really not helpful to be dismissive of people who have confessed that they worry, it's like being blue eyed, you can't help it and you need sympathy and help, not criticism. My daughter is like her father, very calm and matter of fact and doesn't have much sympathy but my son, bless him, unfortunately, is like me and is waiting for CBT for which there's a nine month wait around here,

I've noticed that, whatever problem someone posts with, there are always a few people who have to take the opposite view or stick their oar in. It's not clever or constructive, just hurtful.

I totally understand your anxiety. You clearly love your family dearly. I’m disgusted with your Doctor. No professional has the right to undermine your feelings by laughing at you. I would try and see another Doctor and perhaps ask for counselling. Talk to your family and try and trust that if you love your grand child as much as you do the parents will
Love them at least as much and will be attending to their welfare. Just let them know you are there for them without pressing your concerns too much. You’re not loony. Just a very caring person. Xxxx

I am sorry you are feeling this way, but you are certainly not alone. I too worry about my 3 dear grandchildren, but it helps sometimes to remind myself that the vast majority of children will grow up normally and happily. The ones we see on the news are the extremely rare cases, the millions who make it through a normal childhood are not newsworthy and we never hear about them. Perhaps you need to visit your GP to talk through your anxiety, you may need help with it.

I completely empathise with you, slutty, and everyone else who have said they too suffer anxiety and panic attacks.

I think mine are triggered by unwanted and unforeseen events that are beyond my control. I suffered a few of these growing up and even though I'm an adult, I get the same feelings of dread and despair.

Even after the issue that triggered it is resolved, it takes a while for me to wind down and accept that actually, everything will be alright.

I find the best solution is to keep repeating words of comfort to my self and keeping very busy doing things that I enjoy. A friend swears by breathing exercises (eg 4-7-8). There are probably loads on You Tube and elsewhere if you take a look.

It seems to me that as a nurse it's difficult to take a calm fatalistic view. Nurses are always on the lookout for things going wrong so they can be prevented or diverted. And I think control is an issue. I have often worried then when I get the latest bulletin they have recovered!
What practical things do people find helps? I have a notebook and write out a list of my worries with a plan of action. That sometimes works.
But Sluttygran , I think you should go and see another doctor in your practice.

I went to my GP a few years ago because I was suffering from low-level anxiety similar to that you describe. (This followed several traumatic events: sudden unexpected deaths, serious injury to son, relationship breakdown etc). Her advice was to read up on CBT. She said that as I was so self-aware and rational as to the causes of my problem she thought that learning about CBT and applying the priciples should do the trick. I'm pleased to say it worked for me

OldMeg
I clearly said SOME people, not all, and I also mentioned that in SOME cases the anxiety was unwarranted.
I don't think that is rude, it's my honest opinion and in no way minimises the anxiousness felt by GNers who have had unhappy events in the past, which colour their view.
I've had phone calls from a relative in hospital after being airlifted from an accident but how would being anxious have prevented it or prevent anything else happening? No-one can live life wrapped in cotton-wool and for me to demand to know when my kids are flying and want phone calls when they depart and arrive is, IMO, a huge step too far.
My opinion is as valid as anyone else's, or is it only valid if I say that yes, I too get anxious and can't control it?

I sometimes feel I am abnormal because I don't worry. Whenever an 'issue' has arisen with regard to family matters, my attitude has almost always been to think what I can do about it. If there's nothing I can do, I trust my DSs to sort out their own solutions and usually they do. However, if there is something niggling at the back of my mind, I tend to dream about it and that I really can't control. I don't ever lose sleep about things I can't affect. I'm not being smug. I know I'm lucky.

I was born anxious and nothing has changed since then!

Having been to Mindfulness course...the more you think of something the more your brain will go to what your being anxious about. Can you say something soothing to yourself. Good luck from one tired Granny with a 2 and half year old, 10 months, daughter and dog! It's 7:15 p.m and ready for bed!!

I am a fully paid up member of the Anxious Gran Club so do understand your worries. I can even get anxious about my anxiety! Lots of good suggestions and food for thought from other grans in posts. I do think one of the contributing factors is that we often have more time to brood and ruminate than in previous stages of our lives and this gives us more time to worry and catastrophise.

I used to worry about anything and everything though I have become less anxious over the years, but totally sympathise with anyone who suffers in this way. I now know my DS is a bit of a worrier too as was my father so maybe it's a family trait. I used to deal with it by keeping my mind occupied doing puzzles and crosswords so I didn't have space in my head to think the worst. I always ask DS and DD to let me know when they get home from visits and they now ask me to do the same as there are long drives involved. It is normal to worry about those we love but if it feels out of control your GP should be more sympathetic and helpful. It is never acceptable to ridicule someone's very real worries. I'm thankful I don't suffer so much these days but some things can trigger a sudden bout quite unexpectedly and it should not be trivialised. It's very real at the time. I hope some of the suggestions help.

I could have written this sluttygran. I’m a first time gran of five month old twin girls. Am also a nurse.
I expect to get the call every day that one or both have died of cot death and have obsessive thoughts and anxiety about this (haven’t told anybody).
To my shame I babysat for the first time today (first time my daughter and son in law have been out). I needed a friend to babysit with me as my anxiety levels were through the roof. Of course it was fine but I already feel sick with worry about the next time ??

trooper7133
You have just expressed my exact feelings!
I know it’s irrational, but the brain insists on going its own way.
I find babysitting the precious ones absolutely terrifying, despite having brought up my own three, and looking after wards full of sick children, some of whom were very ill indeed.
I’m much happier if my friend comes and sits in with me - he’s an experienced grandad and very calm.
Many words of wisdom on this thread, all of which have helped me no end. It’s surprising how comforting it is to know that we’re not alone!

My daughters call me the 'what if' mother. I am always worrying about 'what if' this or that happens. If I hear there has been a bad road accident nearby, I cannot settle until I know 'my lot' are all safe. Same with holidays, just like to know they have arrived/are home safe, then leave them be. Glad to see I am not the only one who can wind herself up about anything and everything. It can be hard though. I also am bad for not being able to 'let things go'. For instance, if we pass a driver who appears to be glaring at hubby, even though I know he hasn't done anything wrong, I will be 'why was she glaring at you/us like that', and for the rest of the day/week I will keep thinking about it. Had hubby done something wrong, should he have let her pass first and so on, even though I know he behaved exactly as he should have. He will have put it out of his head before we have got to the end of the road!

I have recently started a Healthy Minds course run by the NHS on Stress and Anxiety management. They use CBT, and I'm finding it helpful. It also helps to talk to others with similar problems. You can get details from your GP,, and on-line.

sluttygran
I could have written your original post
I am a nurse too which really doesn’t help as we see the worst case scenarios.
Mine got worse around the time of DGS birth as DD was very poorly.

Luckily, my GP did take me seriously and I am now awaiting CBT.

Could you try that too? (Sorry I haven’t had time to read many of the other posts so this may have already been suggested)

Good luck.