Apologies

You've listed 21 ways how NOT to apologies. Twenty one. I didn't know there was that many.

You've made generalized and sweeping statements aimed soley at women who are mothers.

What about people who have mental health issues? Abusive relationships? And people who are just funny buggers and nothing you do will fix it because it's not you. Its them!
Some people are controlling, manipulative, difficult and you have to walk on egg shells. People like that exist.

My MIL isn't apart of DHs life. She does say she doesn't know what she's done wrong, but what's different is, she does. She does know. She's choosing to ignore it, why? No idea.
It won't get fixed untill she does admit it and we can all move on.
That's HIS sitatition and its not as black and white as it seems.

But I can tell you as his wife, who has witnessed it, he would LOVE his DM to give a shit. Text him, ring him, send cards, say sorry (any of the 21 options given) just anything to show she cares.

So all that advice you've given doesn't apply to his situation either.

Do you think people would be posting here if they did know what went wrong? Asking for help and advice, how to heal? How to move on? If an apology was all that could fix it, don't you think they would of apologied on 101 ways?

And you DON'T know why people have reacted the way they have?

It was a male European CEO who said "I'm sorry that you were upset by what I said" when he had really torn me off a strip when he was in the wrong. So not a female thing in my experience.

As a mature adult who can walk away when a situation is irretrievable, I choose to walk away from this thread because is seems to be from a person with no empathy and without the courage to answer the uncomfortable questions. I have better things to do with my life.

So, LLL, apologies are insincere and should be ignored and questions are goading.
Are there any positives in your life that make you laugh? I am not sure what laove is but I won’t ask.
Have a good day.

Oh crumbs get off your high horse LLL and learn to spell “skilful “ and “advice” when you are at it. Nobody is bear-baiting you but you are just being rude in your selective (copied and pasted) comments.
You can have a more meaningful exchange with “Alexa”

LLL not one of my questions was "bear baiting" !! I fail to see how you can have interpreted them that way but genuinely would like to know what I said that gave you that impression. I have found your lack of response to my genune question about why acknowledging hurt is not the right way to apologise a bit odd. I don't understand why saying you think you have hurt someone and are sorry is wrong?

Mawbroon I meant that the complete ignoring of questions is odd .... from a post that purports to be advising, one would expect a meaningful response to questions ! Strange and I certainly understand tge "Alexa" comment!

Several posters have asked why LLL did post.
Whether she is speaking from personal experience, observation or out of academic interest?
I'd genuinely like to know why these questions are seen as 'bear-baiting'?

LLL The difference between your advice and my coffee is that I asked for my coffee!!

You post a list of your "truth" when in fact it is just your opinion. Human relationships cannot be defined by an over simplistic list.

I am not estranged from anyone, if I make a mistake I apologise and I find that apology is accepted in the spirit it is intended in the same way I accept any apology offered to me.

LLL So have I got this right?

You set out your thesis on apologising, in the knowledge or hope that your readers would respond negatively, with jokes, jabs and dismissal tactics.

When the majority of us did, you were then able to use this as proof that we are a lot of arrogant individuals who deserve all we get, especially any amongst us unfortunate enough to have experienced estrangement?

We sure fell for that one, didn’t we?

Why do I hear Alexa?

I think the problem LLL was thar nobody had asked for the advice.

At my advanced years I prefer not to give advice. Experience has taught me that if it was unasked for, it is usually resented. And even if asked for most people only take it if it was what they wanted to hear in the first place.

But even that can backfire. If they take your advice and it doesn’t work out, you will probably get the blame.

Baby 1

Some people are masters in the art of arguing, and so skillful they are in reverse-authority tactics. Genuine questions don't turn into irrelevant joke, jabs and dismissal tactics. The intent is apparent – divert and deflect, and take bait. And by the time you find yourself silenced and reeled into their hole, it will be too late.So they win by damaging your credibility, lowering the status of truth, and discrediting a valid post to its entirety. Now with silence on their side, the chosen side of the coin can continue to be presented as victim. So to answer your question, I simply, chose not to respond any bear-baiting questions. The original post was a piece of advise, and not a story of my life. Everyone is free to take it or leave it. Things will not always go everyone's way in life. Maybe this is where the problem is - if a post on an apology is clearly under attack. hmm

As many have implied OP is pontificating rather than sharing personal experiences which we all know to be more helpful.

Maw

And then manage to get it wrong?

How on earth did you choose your username, LiveLaughLove? Is this really how you see yourself?

Was it ever anything else Madgran?
A thread opens with a diatribe and we can only wonder what the motivation or intended effect.
Stir the grans up?
Impart some groundbreaking new knowledge?
Top up with a few cut n pastes every so often, light blue touch paper and retire. ? ?

This is a bit odd now!

Why don’t you answer people’s questions instead of acting like a robot with computer generated replies. You could probably help people on this forum if you answered questions and acted humanly with feeling

No one (parents included), is entitled to push for anything from another person’s life. More so if the parent’s demands conflict with those that another individual, of adult age has consciously considered as a healthy life choice.

It seems to me that if, given the number of unsuitable apologies you have posted, we are unlikely to get an apology right so just don't bother, apologising apparently causes more trouble than it's worth

or are you researching for a book?
am I allowed to ask that?

What a load of rubbish LLL. I suspect you're either an AC who has CO their own parent(s) or a partner whose 'encouraged' their partner to CO theirs.

LLL, May I commend to you Vile Bodies, by Evelyn Waugh. Your lecture remindedw me irresistibly of Mrs. Melrose Ape, who sought to lecture to the English upper classes on morality, and was deflated by one elevated grandma saying "What a very impertinent woman!" (I quote from memory).

I was also reminded of Touchstone's seven stages of the lie in As You Like It.

So forgive me for not taking your OP seriously.

LLL. Can you please explain where you are coming from so we can better understand. Are you a grandmother that has been cut off, or are you a mother that wants to, or has cut off grandparents? Or are you randomly reading posts and trying to help people in your own way? Or maybe it’s all of the above, or none of the above, but I’d really like to know, to better understand where your coming from. Thank you!