Apologies

Why do the vast majority of estrangements revovle around the mother-child relationship?
That's painfully b---- obvious. Most people have a mother!

Iam64 LLL doesn't sound like a listener to me...

Im glad ive no in laws just a daughter mother and grandaughter. My dd partner is ok we tolerate each other. Sorry to op but i just couldnt read all of that lengthy post. Yes im apologising but i do it all the time cos im a wimp.

LLL "took a vow to do no harm" sounds like someone who did a basic Counselling course to me.

I'm curious that the OP and subsequent comments by LLL are all directed at the mothers of adult children. There is no acknowledgement that adult children can be difficult, demanding etc.

Projection anyone? The IO strikes me as the result of unfinished emotional business and the need to lecture the older generation on the entitlement and rights of their adult children. Most of us are loving parents. There are some on this site who have written details about being cut out of the lives of their adult children's lives. Being faced with a list like the one in the OP isn't going to help anyone.

Janeainsworth's comments about our generation being brought up with the shadow of WW1 and WW2 in our background is something we can acknowledge. My own family and friendship circle have discussed the impact on family relationship. They haven't called their fathers toxic, or blamed their mothers for attempting to keep the peace. I hope LLL can listen to the comments here which give a fairly consistent response to her patronising post.

LLL I cant answer your question, which is why I haven't! That does not invalidate my genuine question to you, nor is it a reason not to answer my question or tell me that you cant answer it!

Good point, MawBroon, I've got a bathroom to clean anyway!

truthfully speaking, whether or not you know what you did wrong is not really the main point. The main point is that the an adult, of legal age, and of sound mind has consciously decided that it would be healthier for THEM to estrange themselves from a given relationship.

Am I the only one who thinks that anyone who would cut off the people who love them without even telling them why can't really be of sound mind?

I fear LLL likes the sound of her own voice but fortunately [hands over ears emoticon] we do have the freedom to ignore claptrap and IMO the best thing would now be for this to slide down the Active Conversations Page!
No true dialogue is possible when a conversation remains one sided so I for one am happy to leave her —babbling— talking to herself.

Ps How does one "vilify a one-sided coin" ?

And still no answers to straightforward questions! Pompous and long-winded but achieving very little. Also rather deluded - the message has been clearly understood ???
How awful to be in an estranged family situation and have to rely on this gobbledygook for help and advice.
Despite allusions to the ?Hippocratic? oath we still don't know what qualifications our "expert" has!

BB some people just like to voice their own views ad nauseam???

GN seems to attract them.

You took the Hippocratic Oath - surely that is an oath taken by physicians?

What’s the point of this long and lengthy thread ?

And truthfully speaking, whether or not you know what you did wrong is not really the main point. The main point is that the an adult, of legal age, and of sound mind has consciously decided that it would be healthier for THEM to estrange themselves from a given relationship. Why would anyone be vilified for making healthy decisions over their own life?

Plus there's no need to get petty about petty issues like spell check - especially when the message that's being passed across has clearly been understood.

We'll I took an oath to do no harm and will adhere to it solely for majority have expressed that this post is somehow doing more harm than good. Everyone wants their questions answered but no one has answered my original question. Why do the vast majority of estrangements revovle around the mother-child relationship? It's not all about you and how you feel, and how saddened you are over the break up - and as such reconciliation doesn't have to be based on your terms, your way and your time. Give your children space, respect their distance, and if they choose to forgive you they will eventually come back to you.
But some are so pushy, whilst vilifying a one sided coin and getting away with all forms of harassment and stalking. Why? Because even forgiveness and reconciliation has to be their way. Allow your children to determine what's healthy for them. This surely can't be under another persons control? Or can it?

You and me both then!!

Jalima1108 Could be! Still doesn't make sense or am I being excessively/incessantly thick? wouldn't be the first time

or perhaps 'incessantly'?

LLL - this is not bear-baiting or criticism, but a genuine enquiry - do you know how to use a spell-checker, a grammar checker or how to proof-read effectively. The first sentence of your post on 8th March at 21.53 doesn't make sense to me ...
-Reaching out incessively, ignoring their requests for no contact, holding family interventions, showing up randomly to talk, blaming them for having mental health issues, or being ungrateful, entitled mean, spoilt and selfish children - further assumes that you believe in having had a healthy relationship and want to maintain one, irrespective of the fact that they obviously left for something about this relationship you share eventually took a toxic turn.-
Also when you say "incessively", do you mean "excessively."

One other point - interpret this how you like - when I was a teacher it was easy to spot which parts of a student's work was copied and pasted from the internet due to the sudden change in style, long rambling sentences, strange spellings - usually down to good old Wikipaedia. Just saying ...

Thankyou Starlady I agree it does have a place and can be valid. Your example of when it might not be valid is also true. I know you cant speak for Ll, neither can I , but I appreciate your thoughtful response as I have been pondering on it since seeing the original post

For goodness sakes! If you love someone and you have a close relationship there shouldn't be any need for all this pussyfooting around!
Just say sorry in your own way, in your own words. That should be good enough. So many stupid 'rules' to follow.
Makes me cross!

"4. The assumptive apology. (I think I may have hurt you. I’m sorry)."

Madgran, is this ^ what you're referring to? I can't speak for LLL, of course, but I THINK she might be seeing this as in the same category as, "I'm sorry for whatever I did." It doesn't actually take responsibility for the offense.

But I disagree a little. Madgran & LLL, I believe "I think I may have hurt you" has a place in the realm of sincerity. For example, if your AC or CIL seems to have turned cold, but you're not sure why (you-general, I mean). Or if you didn't think what you said/did was hurtful, but are beginning to suspect it was.

Now if you were obviously rude or cruel and just said, "Hmmm... let's see... I think I may have hurt you," that would be very fake, imo, very fake, indeed.

LLL - Simple question, not at all "bear-baiting": Can you give us an example of what you see as a "sincere apology?"

LiveLaughLove I wonder if you chose your name on things you have little or no experience of?
Live- well most of us on here have probably done more of that than you have and seen much more.
Laugh- well we have tried but you simply don't, or can't, join in
Love- most of us have done more of this than you have as well, even those who have suffered the pangs of astrangement (and I haven't).
I wonder why you imagine that mothers' of sons are mostly to blame for family breakdown?
It is a subject so complicated, such a simple analysis speaks more of the personal than the objective.
What did you expect GNers to do? Fall to our knees in awe? You need to read a few more threads.