Grandchildren

There is no excuse for rudeness at any age however I don't mind being corrected by anyone if I say something that is wrong. Children can be right on occasion. As a child I new my parents did not have a lot of money and therefore I did not ask for or expect things I knew they could not afford to give me. I would not give detailed information about finances or argue in front of a young child though.

As OP has not replied, I think we're still unclear about this child's situation. But I too was brought up to think, to discuss, always to understand another's point of view. Recently I have had 2 long chats with old school friends, who said how they had envied my family, and how they could see the engagement that I had in both my children, and my grandchildren.
I has never realised this. I wouldn't say that I 'envied' either of them, as I'd been brought up not to look at people in that way. But I was aware that both came from wealthier backgrounds and had 'things' I didn't. I also knew that I didn't much like either of their dads, who I thought overbearing and boring - seems I was right!
Now of course, lively discussions are not the same as interrupting, and respecting children's views is not the same as giving them their own way.
I miss my parents and grandparents a great deal. My grandfather has been on my mind recently. The last conversation I had with him, 20 years ago, was about the danger of Putin!

Growing up I did have strict parents who did not tolerate rudeness or insolence however we were a political family (father had been a prospective Parliamentary candidate) and so political and ethical discussions were actively encouraged and opposing views were expressed. The only rule was that views be expressed politely and that you waited your turn to speak!
I bought my own 3 up the same way,so that they felt their views and opinions if argued well and considered were of equal merit and right to be heard. I still think this was right and I see my DGC are being raised the same way?

I was trained strictly to never interrupt or contradict adults.

As a result, I haven't said anything to either grandmother that wasn't "everything is fine thanks, how are you" and "no I don't have any news" in twenty five years.

Indeed I have not spoken to one of them directly in fifteen years and speak to the other one directly only when unavoidable a few times a year.

It's not a conversation when only one person is allowed to have an opinion. We never developed our conversation when I was young so we have no foundation for it in adulthood, and there is no point in me just sitting there to listen to diatribes about unmarried mothers and immigration in silence.

MargaretX, Grandma70s and threexnanny - I agree that children should correct adults when they are wrong. It should, of course, be done courteously rather than in a 'point scoring' manner.
I heard a child correct his teacher when they told him he was wrong to write that the sun was a star. It was, they said, a planet. I queried this to get a shrugged 'They think everything in the sky is a planet!' I doubt that the children did although apparently their teacher did.

Lots of people irritate me in the way they dress, but I'm struggling to think of any occasion that I've actually been offended. Certainly not by Disney princesses, although I hope they grow up to realise how they are being manipulated by a huge corporation.

I think kids should be given the responsibility of being a young adult when appropriate, but correcting adults and butting in would be rude if they were adult. However I am disproportionately irritated at seeing little girls wandering round the shops dressed as Snow White, it really annoys me!

I too have an eight year old granddaughter who often interrupts adult conversations. She has gotten into trouble for that on many occasions.

The problem isn't that an adult can't be wrong or mistaken, the problem is the way most children go about 'correcting' perceived wrongs. A child doesn't always know how to filter or sugarcoat unpleasant truths and the result ends up being confrontational and disrespectful.

Children who aren't taught manners at an early age, will invariably struggle.....either that or until life ends up teaching them the hard way!

Yes, I'm really not sure from the original post if the child is being dragged into adult problems, or if she is
being taught about budgeting, waiting for pay day etc. We always tried to talk to our children about what could be afforded, how to plan spending, saving etc.
I learned about budgeting from my mother and am very glad that I did - but when my dad lost his job, I was assured that we would keep our home and have enough to eat. My dad said that I could still go out that weekend, and we'd talk about pocket money the following week. I was about 10, and glad to be part of the solution.

GrandetanteJE65 when my son was at primary school he came home distressed because he had been the only child in the class to get a question wrong.When my OH and I looked at his answer we were shocked as his answer was right.I sent a letter to the teacher informing her HER information was out of date and consequently all the others in the class had the wrong answer
Far better for any child to be able to hold his ground when he knows when he is right .I have no problem with my children or GC correcting an adult if that adult is giving them the wrong information.

Our generation grew up knowing we would be told off if we dared to either interrupt or correct a grown-up.

As a teacher I often in the early years swallowed a tart retort when an pupil corrected me, then I taught myself to reply politely. If the pupil was correct and I was wrong I said so; if I was less sure, I said I would look it up and find out who was right. And I did so, telling the class the next time what I had found out and which of us was in the right.

Interrupting is another matter IMO - it is always rude and inconsiderate, and no-one should be allowed or allow themselves to make a habit of it.

Discussing grown up problems with children or in front of them has to be done very carefully, and IMO should not be done unless you are absolutely sure the child can understand the problem, not feel he or she is being asked to take sides against the other parent, etc. etc.

I really don't have a clue from OP how inappropriate the child is, how well she behaves generally, and whether she has responsibilities beyond her years.
I can picture A:
a bright child, interested in the world and learning about it, trying out her own way of doing things, learning that life isn't always perfect and developing the skills to deal with it.
B:
an anxious child who can only cope with her anxieties by directing the adults in her life.

I'd add that I only recognise 2 forms of 'inappropriate' clothing:
1. likely to cause offence to others
2. likely to result in serious discomfort - eg: if a child goes out in the rain inadequately dressed, for a short walk, returning to a warm house, I'd let them learn a lesson. If we're off for a whole day in the mountains, returning to tent, I'd be very firm - but actually I never needed to be, because they knew how important it was!

Also, I think as GPs, I gree with those who say 'don't criticise the parents' BUT if it impacts on you, when you have the care of her, then you need to talk to them about guidelines.

I think including children in discussions about money is good, and I can remember being taught about it when I was quite young. Pre credit cards it was always an issue with families. Now children see us drawing money out of a machine and paying with plastic so get the wrong idea of how much a problem it can be.
I don't mind being corrected by my GC either ( if they are right), but do not agree with rudeness or interrupting conversations.

I think we live in different times and what your GD is doing is quite normal these days. They will be corrected at school when it is inappropriate but, on the whole, I think it is good to give children a voice. There are some subjects I would expect to be off the table in front of children but presumably her parents wouldn't discuss those things in front of her. Children also learn a lot from their friends so get slapped down from them if they continually interrupt or want their own way all the time. You tend to find they don't have many friends if they don't learn their social cues and that is when her parents really have to worry. If you don't like her interrupting you, just tell her kindly that you would rather she waited until you had finished talking before she has her say. As for her clothing, if the clothes are inappropriate for the weather, she'll learn by experience. Few people learn by other people's mistakes.
Ultimately though, it is up to her parents how she brings them up and I can assure you, they won't like criticism of their methods

I don’t see why a child shouldn’t correct an adult, if it’s done politely. Over 60 years ago I corrected one of my dimmer teachers when she insisted a whale was a fish. She didn’t mind. We discussed it. I was 10 at the time.

At Christmas my grandson, then 8, corrected my pronunciation of ‘fungi’. As it happens I think I was right and he was wrong, so again we discussed it. We should respect children’s views if we expect them to respect ours.

(There is nothing insulting about the word ‘precocious’, by the way. It just means advanced.)

I think the point is surely. When she corrects -is she right? If grandad is spouting something that is no longer true, then she should be allowed to correct him, just that the parents should show her how to do it politely.

I have two bright GDs and I have learned to be sure I have got the facts right. I hear a lot of children talking and discussing and it is usually well founded.
I wish a few GDs had contradicted their 'leave' voting relations.

Our next door neighbours daughter is exactly the same she is seven and has her mum and dad twisted round her little finger some of her shoes and clothes are more for older children.
When she comes into see us it’s like talking to a 16 year old think they will have problems when she is older.

Bite the bit and leave the' upbringing' of this child to the parents. They are clearly blind to what they are doing and although I am all for preparing ones children for the outside world there will come a time and no doubt a shock to your GDs confident attitude to find there are those, unlike her parents, who will not give a toss to her opinions be they right or wrong and resent being corrected.
Were it my GD I would find it difficult holding back on being corrected by such a young person and in my own home ?. She is destined to come down to earth with a bump once in the real world.

I can't stand conversations constantly being interrupted by children.
As far as I'm concerned, they shouldn't be listening in on adult conversations, let alone butting in.

I have noticed a tendency for small children to be treated as adults until they reach their teens when the parents start to treat them as small children. Obviously modern phenomena as children were always seen and not heard!

My youngest Granddaughter who is now 14 years old constantly interrupts when I am having a conversation with my Daughter, I ask her to wait until we have finished talking, but my Daughter talks to her, leaving ME to wait, it is so frustrating, the only time we can talk uninterrupted is when we meet on our own, and what a difference that is, why my Daughter has always allowed this I dont know, she has another older Daughter and she doesnt interrupt, the youngest is still "the baby" in the family! that says it all I suppose.

I think that it is ok to correct adults who have got facts wrong as long as it is done politely and not unkindly.
It can rebound though. When I was at school, probably about 12, we had a really bad English teacher. She taught us something which sounded wrong to me (I can't remember what). I told my mother and she told me to look it up. I did and found that the teacher had been wrong so the next day I explained to her what she had got wrong and why. I genuinely expected her to thank me and could not understand why she was just cross. I don't know if it was the way that I did it (which I also can't remember) but it cannot be right for children just to have to accept wrong information just because it is from adults.

Maybe her parents will reap a child who understands how grown ups struggle sometimes, someone who is able to take part in conversations and is not afraid of pointing out mistakes. The world knocks the corners off our children soon enough.

I know plenty of adults who could learn a thing or two from children.

It’s the parents decision how they bring her up of course ... however, as per Franbern, you can apply your own rules in your house. I have seen this twice before with friends, and one child adjusted over the years and all was well ... however, I have also seen it go the other way and an “arrogant know it all” emerged who struggles with relationships because it’s not all about her anymore.

It does seem very inappropriate to let an 8 year old girl become involved in adult conversations . At 8 years she does not need the stress and anxiety this may cause her by knowing about adult problems and financial issues.
Let her have her childhood without additional anxiety. Correcting Adults is just plain rude and unacceptable behaviour.
I know many parents who have come to regret the days they involved their young children in their adult world conversations. It comes back to haunt them in many unexpected ways
Joseph
Child Psychotherapist