Gransnet forums



(37 Posts)
weegina Tue 20-Mar-18 09:45:38

We have an 8yr old grand daughter who is allowed to take part in adult conversations and corrects adults when she likes. She seems to control her life and will wear what she wants - even if it's inappropriate for the weather or occasion. The parents seem to include her in their private conversations so she knows when they row or when they have run out of money or when they are going to get paid etc. How do we cope better with an 8yr old that thinks she is 20yrs old? Any tips?

MawBroon Tue 20-Mar-18 09:58:51

Her parents will reap what they sow one day.
I’d keep well out of it.

Franbern Tue 20-Mar-18 10:27:35

In Grandma's home, it is her rules that apply - and that may include not having inappropriate conversations in front of young children. What happens in her own home is none of your business in this regard. She might really enjoy being able to be a young child and not a mini-adult when with you.

eazybee Tue 20-Mar-18 13:13:15

In other words: precocious.
Taking part in adult conversations is one thing; correcting adults is rude and interrupting their conversations should not be tolerated.

paddyann Tue 20-Mar-18 13:20:45

my daughter was an only child for 10 years she spent most of her time with adults ...could hold a good conversation about things in the news or health issues etc .I never saw it as a problem.Both my children were used to picking out what clothes they wanted to wear and it was their choice ..regardless of the weather .They soon learned that a pair of shorts and sandals in the west of Scotland in November wasn't a great idea.My 8 year old GD is now going through the same phase,she regularly comes out of school with her coat in her bag and just a short sleeved top on.My children both grew up just fine .Is there any reason..other than that she might worry that she shouldn't know if they run out of money or that they row ? Wont it make her realise that sometimes adults row and that money doesn't grow on trees ?

cornergran Tue 20-Mar-18 14:07:39

I think there’s a fine line here. I do have concerns if children are involved too much in adult decisions, too much pressure too young. Equally it does no harm for them to realise that finances are finite and there are problems in the world. As I said, a fine line between over burdening them and including them appropriately. I have no problem with children joining in with adult conversation as long as they are polite. Rudeness is inappropriate at any age.

Greenfinch Tue 20-Mar-18 14:39:41

One of our granddaughters is a little like this and at the age of 5 is now finding school difficult because she is not treated like an adult.It is not our place to comment though.

Cherrytree59 Tue 20-Mar-18 18:23:29

weegina Old head on young shoulders.

When not conversing with adults can your grandaughter interact with friends of her own age?
Does she quite happily play with age appropriate toys and games?
If the answer is yes then perhaps it is not such a worry.

I don't see problem with chosing clothes, when not wearing a uniform.

stella1949 Thu 22-Mar-18 06:09:06

Two of my grandchildren are like this, they are 8 and 12. My son is a single father, who had a huge horrible break-up 5 years ago with his partner who left him and the children for another man. The two GC have heard everything and seen everything that has happened, including endless fights and nastiness. Plus the fact that their mother left them when they were 3 and 7 because they were "too much trouble". My son is very relaxed about rules, kids making choices, etc so they basically make their own decisions about everything. Unsuitable clothes are the least of my worries ! And funnily enough, they are both the most happy, well-behaved children , with impeccable manners and balanced views on life. So don't despair, things will probably work out for the best and even if they don't, all we can do as grandparents is to watch and support them. Best wishes to you .

weegina Fri 23-Mar-18 10:06:10

Thank you for all your responses.

Yogagirl Sat 24-Mar-18 08:58:09

Your poor GC Stella & your Son!

Mary59nana Tue 10-Apr-18 10:08:23

Oh dear I have a G/c who is the same ...,
No boundaries and no respect for elders.
I could pull my hair out at times but I keep button lipped until it goes to far then I correct.
You reep what you sow ....,
I agree

Jimbow15 Wed 11-Apr-18 10:11:33

It does seem very inappropriate to let an 8 year old girl become involved in adult conversations . At 8 years she does not need the stress and anxiety this may cause her by knowing about adult problems and financial issues.
Let her have her childhood without additional anxiety. Correcting Adults is just plain rude and unacceptable behaviour.
I know many parents who have come to regret the days they involved their young children in their adult world conversations. It comes back to haunt them in many unexpected ways
Child Psychotherapist

Coconut Wed 11-Apr-18 10:11:56

It’s the parents decision how they bring her up of course ... however, as per Franbern, you can apply your own rules in your house. I have seen this twice before with friends, and one child adjusted over the years and all was well ... however, I have also seen it go the other way and an “arrogant know it all” emerged who struggles with relationships because it’s not all about her anymore.

radicalnan Wed 11-Apr-18 10:30:40

Maybe her parents will reap a child who understands how grown ups struggle sometimes, someone who is able to take part in conversations and is not afraid of pointing out mistakes. The world knocks the corners off our children soon enough.

I know plenty of adults who could learn a thing or two from children.

Jaycee5 Wed 11-Apr-18 10:41:27

I think that it is ok to correct adults who have got facts wrong as long as it is done politely and not unkindly.
It can rebound though. When I was at school, probably about 12, we had a really bad English teacher. She taught us something which sounded wrong to me (I can't remember what). I told my mother and she told me to look it up. I did and found that the teacher had been wrong so the next day I explained to her what she had got wrong and why. I genuinely expected her to thank me and could not understand why she was just cross. I don't know if it was the way that I did it (which I also can't remember) but it cannot be right for children just to have to accept wrong information just because it is from adults.

Nanny41 Wed 11-Apr-18 10:47:22

My youngest Granddaughter who is now 14 years old constantly interrupts when I am having a conversation with my Daughter, I ask her to wait until we have finished talking, but my Daughter talks to her, leaving ME to wait, it is so frustrating, the only time we can talk uninterrupted is when we meet on our own, and what a difference that is, why my Daughter has always allowed this I dont know, she has another older Daughter and she doesnt interrupt, the youngest is still "the baby" in the family! that says it all I suppose.

luluaugust Wed 11-Apr-18 10:59:21

I have noticed a tendency for small children to be treated as adults until they reach their teens when the parents start to treat them as small children. Obviously modern phenomena as children were always seen and not heard!

MissAdventure Wed 11-Apr-18 11:04:21

I can't stand conversations constantly being interrupted by children.
As far as I'm concerned, they shouldn't be listening in on adult conversations, let alone butting in.

sarahellenwhitney Wed 11-Apr-18 11:33:30

Bite the bit and leave the' upbringing'hmm of this child to the parents. They are clearly blind to what they are doing and although I am all for preparing ones children for the outside world there will come a time and no doubt a shock to your GDs confident attitude to find there are those, unlike her parents, who will not give a toss to her opinions be they right or wrong and resent being corrected.
Were it my GD I would find it difficult holding back on being corrected by such a young person and in my own home ?. She is destined to come down to earth with a bump once in the real world.

Sheilasue Wed 11-Apr-18 11:44:25

Our next door neighbours daughter is exactly the same she is seven and has her mum and dad twisted round her little finger some of her shoes and clothes are more for older children.
When she comes into see us it’s like talking to a 16 year old think they will have problems when she is older.

MargaretX Wed 11-Apr-18 12:01:49

I think the point is surely. When she corrects -is she right? If grandad is spouting something that is no longer true, then she should be allowed to correct him, just that the parents should show her how to do it politely.

I have two bright GDs and I have learned to be sure I have got the facts right. I hear a lot of children talking and discussing and it is usually well founded.
I wish a few GDs had contradicted their 'leave' voting relations.

Grandma70s Wed 11-Apr-18 12:15:57

I don’t see why a child shouldn’t correct an adult, if it’s done politely. Over 60 years ago I corrected one of my dimmer teachers when she insisted a whale was a fish. She didn’t mind. We discussed it. I was 10 at the time.

At Christmas my grandson, then 8, corrected my pronunciation of ‘fungi’. As it happens I think I was right and he was wrong, so again we discussed it. We should respect children’s views if we expect them to respect ours.

(There is nothing insulting about the word ‘precocious’, by the way. It just means advanced.)

icanhandthemback Wed 11-Apr-18 13:36:27

I think we live in different times and what your GD is doing is quite normal these days. They will be corrected at school when it is inappropriate but, on the whole, I think it is good to give children a voice. There are some subjects I would expect to be off the table in front of children but presumably her parents wouldn't discuss those things in front of her. Children also learn a lot from their friends so get slapped down from them if they continually interrupt or want their own way all the time. You tend to find they don't have many friends if they don't learn their social cues and that is when her parents really have to worry. If you don't like her interrupting you, just tell her kindly that you would rather she waited until you had finished talking before she has her say. As for her clothing, if the clothes are inappropriate for the weather, she'll learn by experience. Few people learn by other people's mistakes.
Ultimately though, it is up to her parents how she brings them up and I can assure you, they won't like criticism of their methods grin

threexnanny Wed 11-Apr-18 13:58:27

I think including children in discussions about money is good, and I can remember being taught about it when I was quite young. Pre credit cards it was always an issue with families. Now children see us drawing money out of a machine and paying with plastic so get the wrong idea of how much a problem it can be.
I don't mind being corrected by my GC either ( if they are right), but do not agree with rudeness or interrupting conversations.