Gransnet forums

Grandparenting

Missing my granddaughter

(43 Posts)
Jazzy1527 Mon 23-Apr-18 10:37:41

From being my best little buddy, my seven year old granddaughter has decided she doesnt want to come for sleepovers any more. She says she misses mummy too much. I am so upset, as since she was a baby she has loved staying with us every couple of weeks. She seems ambivilent towards me, and its as if she just doesnt care any more. Any help would be appreciated.

Nanabilly Mon 23-Apr-18 10:42:30

Oh no i think I would be mortified if my gc said no more sleepovers to me but I would just have to accept it and hope that they changed their mind later on.
Put on a brave face and hope your little buddy changes her mind .

silverlining48 Mon 23-Apr-18 11:56:20

That’s very sad, just a thought but Is there a problem at home perhaps which makes her want to stay there?
Otherwise carry on being a happy and loving grandma and wait to see if this us just a temporary whim.

gillybob Mon 23-Apr-18 12:01:28

I agree with silverlining and wonder if there is a problem at home, or perhaps something that she feels she may miss out on if she's not there? Alternatively could something (however trivial) have happened while she was staying with you that may have put her off?

Like you I would be gutted if mine decided they didn't want to stay over any longer but I'm sure given time, she will come round. Maybe just a bit of an insecurity stage.

Jazzy1527 Mon 23-Apr-18 12:16:32

The only thing I can think of, is that she was sick in the car when I was taking her home last time (40 minute car journey) and she seemd to develop a bit of a phobia about being sick in my car again. However, she has since been for short journeys in it and seems ok. Her daddy offered to run her over and come back for her, but she still wouldnt come. Also have a jealousy problem over her two year old brother. Shes happy for him to come for a sleepover!

gillybob Mon 23-Apr-18 12:22:54

I think you may have solved your own mystery Jazzy1527.

The problem is either the long car journey (especially if she suffers from car sickness) and/or the baby brother whom she will think is getting all mummy's love and attention while she is away.

Willow500 Mon 23-Apr-18 13:34:43

Very probably car sickness - I stopped visiting my grandparents as soon as I was able to stay home on my own as I hated travelling. Very sad - I hope she gets over her reluctance to visit. I certainly regret not getting to know my grandparents properly.

Luckygirl Mon 23-Apr-18 13:37:12

Can't have little brother having all the attention! - if she stays put at home then she is able to make sure she is getting her share!

M0nica Mon 23-Apr-18 15:46:19

Count your blessings. DGS is coming up to 8 and has yet to spend a single night away from home without is Mum. His mother has been doing everything to encourage him to do so and his elder sister has no hang-ups about staying with us - and we live 200 miles from them, but he is adamant. He has had to manage nights at home with just his Dad when his mother was away on business, but that is his limit.

SillyNanny321 Tue 24-Apr-18 10:07:04

My 7(just) year old DGS will not have sleepovers anywhere unless his Mum is there too. He wants his friends to have sleepovers at his but will not go to theirs. He often asks if I will have a sleepover with him but will not come to mine. I think he still needs his Mum as a 'safety blanket'! So maybe there are others who feel the same & your DG may have suddenly felt like this. My DS did not go off for sleep overs till fairly late in age about 9 years old.

ReadyMeals Tue 24-Apr-18 10:12:19

Jazzy get your exhaust checked. When I was a kid I used to always feel sick in our car but not on very short journeys or if I was allowed to sit in front and not in other people's cars. My parents thought I was playing up, until they had another passenger in the back who was also sick, and said they didn't usually get car sick. Then when it had to have it's test, it turned out there was an exhaust leak under the back seat and people in the back were getting mild carbon monoxide poisoning. After that was dealt with my car sickness was over.

Nitpick48 Tue 24-Apr-18 10:18:27

Same with my grandaughter but she loves the train!!

Mary59nana Tue 24-Apr-18 10:28:24

Car sickness is properly the reason Jazzy
I remember when I was a little girl and I was sick in the car from then on never wanted to go anywhere that was to far away.
Short trips were ok but I knew in my mind no further than ....

It would be a good plan of action just to let it be at the moment and then take her out for a treat stop of a couple of times but unbeknown to her your actually on route to your home,
Once you have both arrived without that horrible feeling of sickness she will be so happy and your problem will be solved smile

farmgran Tue 24-Apr-18 10:54:06

My 6 year old GD occasionally goes off staying with me and her other nanny. The only reason it could be is that she misses her 3 year old twin brother and sister. When this first happened I was very hurt but I've got used to it now. Girls are so jolly changeable! Sometimes I have the twins to stay as well, maybe you could do the same with your little grandson

Jazzy1527 Tue 24-Apr-18 11:06:33

Trying to put it down to the car sickness thing, but she just seems generally offhand with me at the moment. No big hugs when I arrive etc.maybe we just have to accept they grow up a lot faster these days. My 2 year old grandson, on the other hand, would live at my house if he could, and is always ecstatic to see me. Oh well.....its never easy!

ReadyMeals Tue 24-Apr-18 11:19:36

Nonetheless be aware of the potential link between exhaust fumes and sickness even if the sickness isn't linked to the offishness.

lesley4357 Tue 24-Apr-18 11:35:26

Sounds like she's jealous of her brother and, in her mind, is rejecting before you reject her for your dgs. I had it occasionally with my gd after gs was born. I had to make sure I made a fuss of her first, and she got to sit in my knee, not gs. She got over and we're back to being really close again.

Kim19 Tue 24-Apr-18 11:44:24

Not nice for you but she'll come round. Just leave her be. Fickle creatures we women!

nipsmum Tue 24-Apr-18 11:47:05

Be practical. Granddaughters become too big to go to granny's for sleepovers. They want sleepovers with their friends.Grans are good for different things now.

gummybears Tue 24-Apr-18 12:00:49

Two year olds are pretty clingy, she maybe wants to stay close to home to make sure he doesn’t monopolise mummy’s attention.

Maybe if it suits everyone, the two year old could sleep over at yours and let GD have a night in or out with mummy on her own?

Saggi Tue 24-Apr-18 13:32:59

Hi Jazzy..... my grandson loves coming to stay over at my home as I’m the only nanny he has .... he’s 11 now so don’t know how much longer i’ll Have his attention!? His 6 year old sister though has become reluctant recently to stay over even with her brother there with her.Her parents are going through ‘problems’ and whether or not she’s picked up on the vibes I don’t know, but she seems reluctant to leave them at all! Perhaps things will sort themselves out when she feels more secure. But she still loves me taking her to school and picking her up ...and going out and about with me. It’s just the ‘overnight’ thing that she’s reluctant about. Maybe yours is feeling just a little insecure at the moment. Maybe ask her parents if there could be a reason why you are suddenly ‘out of favour’.Good luck!

Eglantine21 Tue 24-Apr-18 13:40:15

If it’s any help, developmentally, at the age of eight or sometimes a little earlier, children become much more focused on their peer group. They begin to detach from parents at this stage, let alone grandparents, and do become “off-hand” to assert their growing independence.

It’s perfectly normal, if a bit hurtful, but as adults we can take it! If we don’t overreact and become demanding, sad or resentful ( and some grownups do!) the phase passes.

But they may never be that close best buddy again. Their world has expanded. And quite right too😀

Jan51 Tue 24-Apr-18 13:43:40

My grandson suffered from travel sickness, still does occasionally if it's too warm in the car, so we bought a pack of sick bags from Amazon. They have an absorbent layer in the bottom and you just tie up the top and dispose. By the time he was about 5 and knew when he was going to be sick he would just grab a bag and do the necessary, which made him more relaxed and lessened the sickness. It sounds as if the little brother thing is also worrying your DGD. Perhaps you could have a special outing together. Maybe an afternoon tea somewhere would make her feel special and grown up or something related to her interests. Hopefully it's just a phase and she'll be back to nana's special little girl soon. Xx

Doodle Tue 24-Apr-18 14:16:17

jazzy panic not. Who knows what goes on in the mind of a child. There could be many reasons. With regard to the hugging, our DGC have decided at various times that they didn't want to hug us. They were too shy, too old for hugs, all sorts of reasons. They are all now of an age when they don't hug because they are all bigger than us and grown up...guess what, we get hugs all the time now. Big hugs, and kisses. Children change, as they get older they go through phases. Be interested in them, be there for them, make things with them, take them places and let them go at their own place. No hugs or sleepovers today does not mean never again.

Chewbacca Tue 24-Apr-18 14:21:49

My 5 year DGD talks about coming to stay overnight at Grannies but she always chickens out at the last minute! She loves the idea of it but, as soon as it gets near to bedtime and she realises that she won't be in her own bed and house, the tears start to flow and I have to take her home again. It doesn't bother me at all because I think she'll only stay when she's ready, if at all, and theres absolutely no point in forcing it. I'm just happy that she wants to spend any time at all with me!