Paternal Grandparents Advice Needed

I can't believe grown people can be so childish!

Well actually I can because I have seen this 'you must spend equal time with both sets of parents' even before grandchildren arrive, (and it destroyed the marriage, because the couple spent all their weekends with respective parents, and not enough time with each other.).

I would suggest you spend less time with both sets now, and invite them all together for meals at your house.

Do you really need to spend a whole day a week with your parents, every week?

There seem to be an awful lot of older women around with too much time on their hands, investing too much of themselves into their DGC. They need to get out and get a life.

Say you need some help and ask her round for one afternoon a week. Feed the baby, hand the baby over to be changed and cuddled. Go and work at your on line business. Feed the baby. Back to work.
Repeat as necessary.

She will feel useful and have time with the baby, which is what she really wants. You will get work done.

Win, win.

You seem to have listed the problem quite well. Why not send what you wrote to both sets of parents, Exactly the same, and make it clear they are both getting the same.

sodapop puts it well. Start by working out what would be best for you and your baby, then talk that through with your husband. Your comment that you don't understand why daughters in law are expected to spend time with mothers in law but the same doesn't apply to husbands is an important one. That isn't a Rule in Life - don't let it dominate this special time with your baby and your husband.
Grandparents really ought to be mature enough to realise that there isn't a competition about who gets to spend most time with their grandchildren. Our role is to support the next generation of parents and children lovingly, Kindly and without ridiculous competition about maternal v paternal grandparents.
This is a special time for you and your baby, enjoy it and give yourself a break.

It seems like you have a great deal going on as well as caring for the baby. I think you need to look at your schedule and set aside some time for yourself without worrying about others. Have an honest talk with your family and tell them all how pressured you feel. Let both sets of parents help where they can and relax and enjoy this time with your baby. Good luck.

As a mother in law I would not dream of making demands or have any expectations. I love my DIL and we have a great understanding, she is always honest with me and if she needs help she asks for it. I do not understand these women who get jealous and needy.

As far as I can see many of these problems are caused by people taking offence far too easily. No wonder there are so many difficult, squabbling families.

I can’t add anything these mother in law threads are really getting tedious now Why do so many people have these huge problems nowadays Welcome both sets of parents when you can and when you can’t refuse with a smile
No one should expect anything not you, not your parents, not your in laws, just get on with life and enjoy the baby

Could you occasionally invite MIL round to have lunch with you and your parents?

Families! Who’d have ‘em!

There’s lots going on here isn’t there? Your MiL is feeling left out and jealous. She’s retired but her husband is not so she’s lonely too. I don’t know how you can fit her into your busy life, but I think you have to try somehow before this all gets out of hand.

You sound a reasonable woman, so I’m sure you will come up with something and I’m sure there’ll be lots of alternatives offered on this thread. I think a bit of compromise on bith sides might work.

Incidentally I loved it when my DiL would ring me and ask me to meet her and baby for a coffee out somewhere.