6 year-old grandson/video games

Update on this problem and would love more advice.

Still having the same problems as in the original post but now that school is out we are having more issues.

I have taken advice of some posters, have backed off, comprised, trying to hang in here.

My grandson is showing all the signs of addiction. Remember, he's 6. He plays with an online friend and that seems to have put him over the edge.

Some suggestions were that I take him to parks, etc., and that was my plan, to do the things we did last year and up to this recent issue. Parks, friends, bounce houses, etc.

Now he doesn't want to come here, doesn't want to see me much at all, is very irritable and impatient. I've read the signs and this fits.

He will say he wants to spend the night, then cries and changes his mind.

I don't want to make him come, but his mother tries to make him, and his behavior is getting worse. I do try to talk him into coming but that leads almost to bribing with things he can do. He is very confused and can't deal with these feelings.

I'm trying to get in to see a therapist since I don't know how to handle this...Make him come with me? I can't ignore bad behavior but am at a loss as to what to say other than I expect him to be polite, use his manners, not be rude...but I always end up asking why he wants to go home because it's only natural to try to find out what's wrong..and that leads to talking about video games and he gets really mad and yells, lies about wanting to do that.

I doubt I'd force him to come, but his mom talks him into it and I try to get him out of that environment if I can...but then we have the behavior to deal with.

It's a total mess.

My grandsons 10 yrs to 7yrs play games on my iPad ..fortnite is popular..I sit with them and try to understand (they’re happy to explain)..I call it screen time ..and they’re given an allotted time..they can be irritable when they come off ..bit I’ll suggest making biscuits or kick a ball in park..a big incentive is offer pocket money for doing some chores ..they love cleaning patio doors with plenty of window spray!!!

To me computer gaming for children is like allowing a monster into the babies’ bedrooms to suck their brains out. Research tells us that it is highly addictive and that it hardwires young brains in a harmful way.

It seems astonishing to me that parents who would not let their child eat so much as a processed chicken nugget can let their precious children delve unprotected online for demons.

My children were not given access in a room on their own to computers until they were at GCSE level. They are both computer savvy so it did them no disservice and, though the eldest now plays computer games with online pals into the night, computers are but a part of a well rounded life.

I worry about grandchildren though as the DD’s partner plays games and while it does no harm to him he might not see the damage that could be done to a young mind.

Before anyone says anything, I am aware I am crying in the wilderness here.

Andy Pandy...I remember it well, or think I do. My nickname was Andy Pandy I know electronics are part of their lives. His age is what gets me and the amount of time but there is really not a lot I can do and I need to change my approach of dealing with it. I appreciate all the good suggestions and when I have time I want to check out the sites and the online classes that were mentioned.

But the world HAS changed. And they are developing the skills they will need in later life just as we did.

No, I'm not advocating no exercise, no play at the park time etc. Life is a balance but your post doesn't feel like it has balance in it. Technology is here to stay and the games he is playing will be the memories he shares with his peers. Just like Andy Pandy and Bill and Ben were for me and mine.

With the greatest respect you really need to meet your DGC half-way. he certainly isn't going to come back to some pre-colour TV world.

he didn't want to go anywhere...beautiful day, wanted to go home.
Perhaps it might be a good idea to plan something and tell him that that is what you're doing, nicely, not ask him - don't give him a choice. If he whinges then just brightly say, well, that's where we're going. Could you arrange to go somewhere where some of his pals from school his own age might be?
I have found it seems more prevalent in boys
I wondered if it is too, as I have noticed this more with DGS, who used to get upset when told to come off the iPad after his allotted time, now he's older he just argues a bit; the DGD know their allotted time and come straight off.

Bearing in mind what you said I read the OP another two times and I still couldn't see it!
I read the whole thread twice before I realised I had seen it in the headline!

The boy he is chatting to online could be a boy of 11 or he could be a man.

Thanks for pointing out the age Jalima.
Bearing in mind what you said I read the OP another two times and I still couldn't see it!
It was only then that I spotted it was in the headline.
Puts a completely perspective on my reply.
It's disgraceful that his parents allow him to play/chat with people that they do not personally know online.
The Poster is in a no win situation. The parents should be pulled to account, but other than that any further action risks her being ostracised by the parents.
If it was me I would be having a word with the head teacher and request she doesn't disclose that the information came from me.
Perhaps they could address his class in general, backed up with a letter to all the children's parents, explaining acceptable use of computers and the attached dangers.

It does seem to be something that most children do eventually grow out of.
I have found it seems more prevalent in boys, but maybe that's just my perception.
When my daughter and I took her boys to the zoo, we heard several parents telling their kids there was no point moaning, that they'd spent good money on the entrance fee and there would be no going home to go on the Xbox.

Let me say I don't think all video games are bad and would compromise somewhat. I knew all this was coming but it seems like it happened overnight where it got so bad. I think that started when he found a little friend to talk with on XBox. He just needs supervision, time limits, we all know that. I have lost any control I ever had over him. He doesn't on the surface care what I think...He always liked me taking him places but doesn't care about that anymore. No incentive to get ready to go anywhere because he doesn't want to go.

For some reason I couldn't find where to reply this time. Shows how much I know. I REALLY appreciate all the remarks. This is the first time I've been on this site and compared to other sites where I've tried to get advice, this one is for sure the best. The other sites mostly what I would get was snarky comments that led everyone off topic. Your replies are really helpful and I will reread them again later when I can make note of websites, etc. Yes, I am in the US.

I had my grandson last night and again I have to say I have no idea how to handle this. Again, I messed up.

I picked him up from school. We had to stop by his house to pick up his bag and I knew that was a mistake. His mom had already talked to him and told me that he said he was bored here and that he wanted to bring a lot of stuff so he'd have something to do. We also had to pick that up.

We go in, he changes him mind. Crying, begging to stay home. It was a mess. Finally he says I'll tell you...me and my daughter .... the truth, and that was that he wanted to stay home and play games.

I told him I wouldn't make him come with me...his daughter talked him into coming. After a lot of to-do he comes with me, quiet on the way home...we get here and he said to me that he regretted the way he acted at home, that he really wanted to spend the night, that he feels like he goes crazy and says those things.

He CAN'T handle this feeling of addiction, doesn't understand it.

My daughter says she has set new rules. I don't know.

This morning where I messed up I guess again, he didn't want to go anywhere...beautiful day, wanted to go home. We did compromise last night and he got to watch 30 minutes of YouTube of a kid playing a video game.

I just can't seem to let myself take him home and know he's sitting there all day/night playing these games, so I made him go out with me and he cried again.

At that point I guess I should have just said I was sorry he didn't want to play, take him home.

I am going out of town for a day or two maybe to get my head straight and hopefully come back less obsessed.

All are correct that this is parents' issue with the games and he only knows what he sees. I just don't know how to handle the whining, not wanting to get dressed, only wants to stay home, he didn't want to do any little trip as a distraction.

Here in the states the last thing you want to do is get Department of Children's Services involved. The parents aren't neglectful but he is maybe undercared for if that is a word.

To me this is the turning point and if we can make it through this maybe we can turn it around. I for sure will check out the post about the sites, and also the one for the online classes..Scratch I think? I've already bookmarked that. Also the chat line but I imagine that was in the UK?

Thanks again..You are really the only people I can talk to about this and it's huge help.

lizzypopbottle - you got there ahead of me.

Your grandson is WAY too young to be playing unsupervised. Online gaming is a prime way for predators to groom young children, under the guise of being their friend.

I don't know what the answer is here, as I fear you are going to be in the wrong whatever you do

I am assuming, from the phrase "jump house" that you are American (the equivalent in the UK is "bouncy castle") so your child protection laws may be different.

It sounds as though the parents are also rather obsessive around their gaming as their means of destressing.

However, have a look at the CEOP website for information and advice, and I would hope that the parents would also look at this and discuss online safety with your grandson.

From your description of his worries about seeing you, it sounds, to a rank outsider and someone who is untrained in child psychology) that he is already in the grip of a dangerous obsession which really should be addressed whilst he is very young.

The CEOP site, I think, is just UK based, but there will undoubtedly be equivalent agencies in other countries

www.ceop.police.uk/safety-centre/

and also -

www.thinkuknow.co.uk/
(This is around keeping a child safe online, and not about gaming obsessions)

I too understand how you feel about this and why, but I do think like a good many who have already answered that you need to keep your opinion to yourself.

By all means try to do something else with your GS, but if he doesn't want to play or go to the park, forcing the issue will not help.

Schools are, fortunately, becoming increasingly aware of the problem of children playing video games all the time, so I would leave his school to deal with it, if he is of school age.

Excellent idea from Lyndylou* jaeco you could get him to teach you how to play a game which in itself will require a conversation taking place between you.

Then you could spend some time playing the game with him and then suggest a different activity.

I think it's a sign of the times and TBH I find it rather disturbing. Mr. S. and I had lunch at a well know pizza chain, and there was a little girl of only about 3, who was completely engrossed in the game she was playing, and her parents were totally engrossed in one another.

I'd rate the level of interaction they had with their little girl on a scale of 1 - 10 as a 1.

Having the same issues with my grandson, and my older one has been in trouble for spending too long gaming.

Did jaeco says her DGS is six, or have I dreamed that?
I've just notice that it's in the OP holdingontometeeth!

I sympathise as we had this problem with our 2 elder GS. Not that either parent played games at all but the boys were obsessed & parents said they played all the time at home too.
I have noticed that it is easing up a bit now when they stay here (they are nearly 14 &12)- we always insisted they spend an hour off machine before bed- they complained but our house - our rules!
I think the difference is that they love their sport & play football & cricket for teams at weekends & elder GS has just joined a gym for age appropriate sessions. They go to a football match with their dad every week too. Although I loathe football I can see that it is a good thing for them to get involved with (we take them to rugby sometimes).
I wonder if your GS got involved with a sport it may give him something else to think about & a new set of mates too. Not sure how you can broach the subject though.

My daughter knows this is a big problem.
It has to start with the parents and perhaps, if your DD recognises this is a problem, she will get off her ipad or whatever and start to tackle real life, starting with herself and her husband.

My 8 year old DGS is also computer game mad, but luckily his parents are aware of the dangers of playing against strangers and have blocked this. He plays a lot with his dad.
We compromised by buying the Kinnect game system for him to play at our house; these are games where the player interacts physically against a virtual opponent so he is getting exercise while playing tennis/boxing/baseball and other sports. There is also ten-pin bowling which we can all play together and a fantasy game where he is Puss in Boots (from Shrek) and has to sword-fight/creep on tiptoe/rock the baby/ freeze etc.
He enjoys this as it is different from what he has at home so he looks forward to playing it when he is here.

You don't say how old he is, but he is probably outgrowing you. Sad, but a fact of life.
Did jaeco says her DGS is six, or have I dreamed that?

well what do you expect when the parents are playing games too. You can’t expect your gs to not get involved as he has watched his parents playing. It’s easy to leave a child or a teenager in his room to just play games.
You have to be very firm and limit the time they spend on them.
Hope you can do something to help, some one has to.

How does your grandson (at only 6 years old FGS!), or his parents, know that the 'friend' he's playing and chatting with is only 11? He might be 15 or 16. He might be 25, 35, or older. This is very dangerous imo.

It is not gaming (yet) in our family just endless TV and videos. We don’t put the TV on for them here, but my eldest DGD (5) is often ‘bored’ at our house.

Stop putting pressure on the boy. If it is such a problem for you then your gripe is with his parents.
You don't say how old he is, but he is probably outgrowing you. Sad, but a fact of life.
My grandson plays games with others from various parts of the world. All far above my IT knowledge.
You can only warn him that he doesn't know who he is "chatting" to., and trust him to talk about his experiences.
Fortunately he comes with me to watch Wigan Warriors and goes with his dad to watch Manchester City.
He plays football for a team and hangs out with his classmates after school now the lighter nights are here.
When it was dark he would be gaming.
He tried introducing me to it, but apart from the lack of dexterity in my fingers I have no interest whatsoever in doing so.

I deal with this by saying to my daughter I'd like to take my grandson out on a treat. Him to choose but how about x. Grandma treats are a recognised thing done by Grandmas. I don't do as many as I should but it does get us together. So far the London Eye and the amphibious Ducks (I live in London). I work on the principle that it gives him 'boasting power' amongst his friends and shows him another side of the world. Depends on age of course. Otherwise, as others say, silence is golden.