Do you “Mind ?”

How great to read you are enjoying your time and yourself, I felt the same as you having got used to my DD and children living abroad so time with them is limited by finances and opportunity I was thrilled when DIL became pregnant, but I have a busy life with intetests I did not want to give up. I made a point of visiting regularly but at arrangd times when DGD was tiny to build a relationship, just sitting with her whilst DIL sometimes just caught up on sleep! So by the time maternity leave came to an end GD knew us and was happy with us. As we live about an hour away we provide emergency cover for sickness etc and DS and DIL really appreciate this as it means they can carry on with work knowing they have a back up in place, and GD now requests we meet her from nursery as a treat!

If your daughter uses a nursery or childminder, they probably won't take the child if it has certain illnesses like norovirus. You could offer to be the backup plan for when the child can't go to its usual care, especially valuable when it starts school

I condensed my work hours to full time over 4 days so that I had a day free to help out. I have my DGD one day a week, and previously by DGS from my elder daughter. It is very tiring, and I do often feel I have no time to myself! However, they really, really do need my help. I have seen how struggling with childcare really stresses and worries my daughters. I always had help from my Mother/MIL. I think as you are home and not working, one set day wont be too bad, as long as you make it clear that there needs to be back up for if you are away. You may find they don't need you anyway so it may not be an issue.

I am also 63 and watch my granddaughter once a week on a Wednesday and I am still working the other four days - and I am absolutely exhausted all the time. My daughter has just had baby daughter no. 2 and I will be looking after the two of them when she finishes mat leave. And I have a 90 year old mother (enough said). However, I just love my wee granddaughters and feel very privileged to be such a big part of their lives. As others say, they are so young for such a short time.......but it is exhausting! There are two sides to the argument really! One day a week is do-able IMO. The other grandma looks after her on a Thursday as my daughter works two days a week. Saves them a fortune!

Yes as others have suggested,dont tie yourself down you may end up resenting 'having' to do it,which will spoil any time you do have with your grandchild- those times should be something to be looked forward to and enjoyed,dont offer full time permanant childminding if youve not been asked for it.your daughter may have planned to be a full time mum maybe- or have her own full time care in place for when/if she goes back to work,so it may 'interfere' with her plans if you did offer?just sensible to offer as a 'back up plan' in emergencies- or help out more after the birth while they find their feet if they need it?& if extra helps needed if your grandchilds under the weather or nursery/school holidays when older.you have nothing to feel guilty for- im sure any small offer of help when its needed will be enough.

Don't feel guilty about not offering something which it seems is unlikely to be asked for. Hope all goes well with the birth, and when new Grandchild arrives, I would make it clear that you will want to be supportive, but can't guarantee regular, programmed child care. You deserve to reap the benefits of your well-earned retirement, so don't commit yourself to anything which will get in the way. You'll still be there to provide "ad hoc"support as and when its needed, and when you happen to be available. You'll probably enjoy those times too! I certainly do...

It's actually a treat for me! DGS aged 7 is coming for the weekend and we're so looking forward to it. Most likely more than he is!!

What about the other GPs? Do they want to do a regular stint? Share? Or just for treats.

I help with my GCs care regularly but would say that whatever you commit to remember it isn't by any means permanent. So she might appreciate help for a couple of years until the free nursery care chips in (at age 3+). I started with two days, cut to one and now do a pick up. And when the baby. starts school it will change again (I know it seems ages away but it passes so quickly) when she might like help for the school holidays. Be flexible. talk about it and choose what suits everyone, and be ready to change as the baby grows up. Congratulations to you all by the way.

I would go with what you feel comfortable offering, and not what you feel you should do. Any “obligation” can soon start to weigh heavy, and spoil things.

I didn’t get involved in regular childminding when my grandchildren were babies, but I did commit to a couple of days a week school collections when they were primary age, and for a couple of years I looked after them in the school holidays. We had lots of little trips out, and I baked with them etc. I really enjoyed it, and was glad of the time with them while they were quite young.

It all fitted around my life too, which might sound a bit selfish, but I think that is the key to a successful arrangement.

My daughter made it very clear at the start that I would always be the first she would ask to 'babysit' etc, but that I was NEVER to give up anything - she watched me rebuild my life after my husband walked out. However, I just love the time I get to spend with my grandson and help whenever I can. Enjoy the baby, but don't forget you also have a life.

We never committed to days each week but offered to be there for all holidays, emergencies etc. Fortunately they were earning enough to pay nursery fees which does make a difference. Now they are 11 and 15 we don’t get called on so much but we have a lovely relationship with them. Don’t feel you have to tie yourself down, it is now your time to enjoy. You never know what is round the corner and you must do what feels right for you too. There are lots of half terms etc as they get a little older and you can work around these.

As others have said - you have to wait and see how you all ( parents and you) feel when the baby arrives - nothing will ever be the same again anyway!

* you'll come

Don't forget...there is another set of GPs who'll be on hand, no doubt, to offer their services.
Women seem to do all the worrying about which set sees GC most often but I'm sure you'l cone to some amicable arrangements when your daughter goes back to work. It's a year away so no need to panic, a lot can change in 12 months.
I think females are very put upon in many ways. Looking after home, cooking, shopping cleaning etc as well as having children and a job, then caring for GC so parents can go back to work and often looking after elderly parents too. Men get off far too lightly as regards all of the above.

One of my co-workers finds herself, in her fifties, working full time and then spending all weekend looking after her small grandchild because her daughter works weekends. My advice is, emergencies only!

When the baby arrives you may feel different.
As mum in law I was worried that my DIL wouldn’t want me to babysit but shouldn’t have worried. I am now very close to my 2 GDS 8 and 4 and love it! They grow up so fast and before you know it no more sleep overs, mid night feasts(at 8 pm) you will never have this chance again so make the most of it and enjoy.

You’ll fnd two schools of thought on this. Firstly, it’s their child and it’s up to the parents to pay for child care or secondly, those who are delighted to child mind their grandchildren on a regular basis.

I fell, recluctantly, into the second category but ended up loving it. As Jane10 says they’re not young for long and now they are at school and I’m just needed for the occasional school run I miss all that.

Grab the opportunity to mind your grandchild with both hands but....beware there are pitfalls too. Some parents have very defined ideas about child rearing, especially the first child.

Homemade butternut squash (organic or course) stew for GC1....by the time others came along ‘have you any fish fingers in your freezer?’ ?

Thank you all for your advice and sharing your experiences and yes I expect when baby arrives I shall be besotted.

It is a privilege to be part of their development and growing up.

I will wait and see and be there as very loving backstop. Flexibility would be ideal then I can do more.

So helpful, thanks again all.

Wait till that baby arrives. Other priorities might fly out the window. They're only little for such a short time. One day a week won't exactly cramp your style but you may be asking for more!

No need to feel as if you should offer child care basslady.
Talk to your daughter and tell her how you feel. I'm sure she will be glad of help on an ad hoc basis with no regular commitment from you.
Don't make any decisions yet though as you may well feel differently when the baby arrives.

If the pregnancy was planned, presumably your daughter and her husband feel confident that they can either reduce their hours/work more flexibly, or that they are in a position to pay for childcare.

I can quite understand that now you have the time to pursue lots of things that you are interested in you are reluctant to take on regular child care responsibilities. Unless your daughter asks you to do so, it shouldn't really be an issue. As others have said, helping out when needed will, I am sure, be very welcome.

Since our granddaughter was a year old (she is nearly 8 now) we have had her and her younger brother for two or three days a week - now only after school and during the holidays. It's true, it does tie you down a bit but, although I didn't yearn for grandchildren like some people do, both me and my husband have so enjoyed forming a very close relationship with them. When we were working parents, we were so busy and had no other support so it was really not as enjoyable as it should have been, but now we are retired it is so nice to have the time to chat and play with them.

I still have time to go to two choirs and an art class, as well as visiting my Mum - some distance away - once a week. But we can't really do things on the spur of the moment, like booking a few days away when the weather is good. So, as you say you like to travel, if you possibly can I would avoid taking on a regular commitment.

No need to feel guilty about not offering what hasn't been asked for.
Tell your daughter you'd love to babysit now and again and she'll thank you very much and all will be well.

Whether or not you offer to baby-sit is entirely up to you. Sometimes it's actually easier not to have family baby-sit as there is less potential for problems to arise.

Definitely agree that you may not want to make it a "regular thing", for two reasons:
a. There is always the possibility that something could happen making you unable to provider care; and
b. Some day care and childminding facilities don't offer part-time spots.

We have been caring for our GS for ten plus years while DD worked two days a week. This worked well because she always had the flexibility to fit in with us if we needed to change our days, or wanted to go away. She has never asked us, or expected us, to give up anything to accommodate her needs. Last year, she had to seek a new job and now has no flexibility at all to change her hours to accommodate us. It is just one of those things. We are there two days a week when GS comes home from school, and he spends time with us during the holidays when his mum is working, but in a year or so, he will be old enough to be given a bit more independence so will not need us so much. As others have said, it has been a very special time, and a privilege, to play a hands-on part in his formative years.