First day at Nursery

I remember leaving DD1 crying at school and having to prise her hand off my sleeve and run.Awful I cried all morning. Granddaughters were sometimes upset at nursery but they didn't go until they were three, cared for at home until then. I would wait outside the room until they were ok but it was still upsetting. If you can look after your grandchild for the 4 days I would offer until he is older I understand you would have to give a lot up but 10 months is so little if there is an alternative I would do it

I understand the upset dora, but perhaps best to give it time.

Your grandson is bound to find a change to his routine and being away from people he is familiar with upsetting, if you're still fretting why not phone the nursery and ask how he is, you will most likely be told he has settled well. One of ours was in nursery from 10 months and settled very quickly, being happy to go in after the first few days and sometimes reluctant to leave. In your shoes I would continue to play down his reaction for a little while, check with the nursery how he is doing and then perhaps see what your daughter thinks after a few weeks.

You are so right, childcare is tiring. Everyone is different. If I'm honest I couldn't offer a full week of childcare on a long term basis and thrive myself. I know others will say they have and it was fine. Its important to be honest with yourself about your own reality.

It also occurs to me that if you cared for him for a year and he then went to nursery he is just as likely to cry when you leave him. So, wait and see if you can bear to and if you are still worried try phoning the nursery and see what they say.

Ask the Nursery if you can stay in another room for 20 minutes or so after you have dropped him off. Then take a quick, unobtrusive peek. Don’t let him see you!
He might be very happily settled which will put your mind at rest.

When I was a nursery teacher with admittedly a bit older children, I often used to do this for Mums of the “weepers”.
He is much younger though.

Think hard about 4 days a week. One of my neighbours has her Mum looking after the baby and the toddler for the holidays. Only two weeks in and there’s a lot of shouting going on! Just too much for her, I think.

Oh DoraMarr I understand how upset you must’ve felt leaving your baby grandson at nursery but I’m sure he will be fine . At 10 months he will have got used to the way things are and the routine, so being left at nursery would have been hard for him to understand . My three oldest grandchildren ( 12, 10 and 8) went to nursery from just over 2 months old . I did 2 days plus an overnight and the nursery did 2-3 depending on my DiL’s shift patterns . The difference being that as they were so young they really didn’t know any other . I would think very carefully before offering 4 days . I am 56 and still working but the 2 days half killed me when they were small , obviously these days they’re at school . I think your grandson ( and you) will be fine, just give it time .

Thank you for all your kind comments. I haven’t phoned yet, but will do, and I had already planned to pick him up early today. He is normally a happy, sociable little boy, so I hope he will become engaged with the other children and the activities the staff plan. Have resisted the other two yum-yums so far.

Best eaten fresh!

My DiL felt exactly the same. Our little GS cried - and she did too and the nursery gave her a ring later to say he had settled and was playing happily. This went on for quite a while but apparently the moment she left he was fine and was off to play with his friends!!! Seeing your child/grandchild cry in such circumstances is very unsettling but I think it is the parents/grandparents who go through the mill far longer than the child.

I’ve just phoned and the nursery staff said he settled down and was now having a nap. I’m picking him up at 3, so not long now for him (and me!)

He will have a great time at nursery, constant company and stimulation. Only downside is they seem to catch every cold and stomach bug going. I would not tell his mother how upset he was, there is no gain to it just his mother feeling bad and she maybe would have to deal with it without yum yums.

I was pretty horrified when my DGSs had to start nursery at a few months old but they thrived. I was still working full time then. I often picked them up though and I could see what an extremely good place it was. They stayed there until they went to school and the staff there often commented on how friendly and sociable they were.

Thank you all for y,our kind messages. He cried when I picked him up, but was quite happy when we got back to his house, and, while delighted to see his parents, was not at all clingy. My daughter is going to take him tomorrow, she is working from home, so I hope he isn’t too upset for her.

When my son (now aged 39) started nursery he cried when I left him and I felt awful. However a few years ago he told me he did it on purpose as he then got taken into the kitchen and given milk, biscuits and a cuddle from one of the staff!

Yes my son use to scream and cry leaving me feeling the worse mother in the world. But one day I hung around just outside the door and do you know the little begger stopped crying and was actually laughing!l. It will work out fine just give it time.

My GD cried when left every day for about a week (though it didnt last long according to nursery). By week 2 she was a bit quiet/subdued when left and by week 3 was very happy to go. Give it time.

I do think it would have been best to tell her though. I would be devastated not knowing how upset my child was and if he’s the same tomorrow she will see herself and probably asked if he was the same when you dropped him off.

A good tip I read (however he might be a bit young) was talking positively about it “oh how exciting we’re off to nursery” “who are we going to see at nursery today” “are you going to do lots of lovely activities” and so on. It seemingly shows them you’re happy with the idea of nursery and gets them ready rather than nothing said about what is a large part of their day.

It worked well with my DD who was so upset starting a playgroup she’s sob so hard I couldn’t leave for the first month (one day a week)!

God luck

*good

One of my daughters cried each time she went into the nursery, five minutes later she was involved in some activity and didn't give me a second thought. Your grandson is younger of course but children soon adapt and get a great deal of benefit from being with others and socialising. Don't stress about it or it will transmit to him.
Are the yum yums still there ? ?

I used to childmind (many, many years ago). One little girl sobbed and cried when her mum left her, but settled and switched the tears off quite quickly once mum had left and she’d been distracted with toys. Mum left quickly and didn’t hang around as she was always rushed, but phoned from work to check all was fine.

Then the child abruptly switched things around and one day hung onto my neck and sobbed and wanted to stay! This was far worse for her poor mum! She kept this up for several weeks and only stopped it when a daily stop at the sweetie shop was added to the routine. She was a clever child! She’s now a well adjusted successful woman.

I’m sure you’re already doing it but when you first see your DGS be sure to tell him repeatedly until he gets it whether or not its a nursery day today. It must be very confusing for him not knowing if he’s staying with you or not. As he gets to know his key worker he’ll settle.

Thank you for all your reassurances! I took him to nursery today, and although he cried when I took him in, his key worker took him to the window and he was soon absorbed in watching cars pass. The staff sent my daughter and me pictures of him playing during the day, and when I went to collect him he was delighted to see me, but then wanted to get down and carry on playing, so, yes, you were all right, he just needed a little time to settle. I’m so relieved!

Thanks for letting us know. So glad it’s all worked out.