Disinterested in grandchild

I think I might be like this - although I don’t have any grandchildren. My nieces and nephews have children, and when people at work bring their children in, yes, the babies are very cute, but no thanks I don’t want to hold them. I loved and liked my own two, but I’m not bothered with anyone else’s!

Well said Paula, I never knew my g.parents and my mother made it perfectly clear her children were just a bloody nuisance, so although I have brilliant relationship with my children, I do not want to spend every living moment with g.children or live my life vicariously through the, which I find a lot of.g.parents do, pretending they are young mums again instead of following their own pursuits. Stay as you are, you are quite normal, some of us do not want smothering relationships with anyone, just want our own lives.

Maccy I enjoy time with my DGC and have great fun, good conversations and plenty of laughter. Sometimes they are a pain in the neck but not often. It helps my DCs and I benefit too..so a win win for us. But it would not be for others!

Dear Paula 50, please don't feel bad. Be yourself, it's cool. I fear some of the doting GP's on here (of which I am one!) May have upset you, however unintentionally. It won't bother the kids. My grandma wasn't interested in is us, she worked full time until she was in her 70s, tiny and elegant. We didn't care. No hard feelings! X

Don't beat yourself up about it. You can't help the way you feel but I can't help wondering if you made the effort whether they would grow more on you.
I adore my grandkids but even I have enough of them sometimes!

My visits to grandparents were once a year for holidays by the sea and in the country. Loved them, they were kind, gentle and loving and I have inherited my love for gardening from my grandpa who spent hours in his walled garden explaining how things grow and picking fruit which he "bottled" for the winter. They always sent birthday and Christmas card and gifts.

Maccyt I can tell you why I moved 'up North' to look after DGS full time - I did it because I loved my DD and she wanted to go back to work almost as soon as he was born. I couldn't bear for my only (will not be another) DGS to go to full time nursery as I knew I would love him more than life, which I did the second I saw him. My DD was an 'only' as I am and was always a single parent. OTOH I completely agree that Paula has every right to feel differently and I'm sure a few others share her point of view. ?

It is refreshing to hear such honesty Paula50.

I am not yet a Gran so I don't know how I'll feel if I ever become one but no-one can dictate how you should feel about your GCs and your own children.

On the other hand you may find it easier to build a relationship with your GC when she is older and you can chat.

Let things develop (or not) in their own time. Children know when adults are being "false" and that is worse.

I agree with most of the other posters...honest and brave.
I often wonder about the real motivations behind the grandmothers who post on here re the amount of childcare they do. Are they doing all this work because they genuinely enjoy it, or because they want to feel needed, or perhaps they are afraid of the consequences if they say no.
We have been there, done that and earned the tee-shirt many times over.

Same experience for me jenni123 in fact my maternal grandparents wouldn't even see me. Can't say I suffered because of this.
Twiceasnice that was a bit harsh given Paula was concerned about the way she feels.

I think what I am saying the more you see your gc the more the love will come.

I have many grandchildren. The gc I have seen regularly and been welcomed I adore but the ones I haven’t. They come infrequently and the gc are strangers and I find them difficult. Then the Facebook jealousy comes in but when a baby arrives and the parents keep you at a distance a relationship doesn’t grow.

I agree with M0nica's comments and solutions.
You can't be other than as you are but you can try your best to conceal how you feel.
Do your best Good luck.

It is sad when GPs don't visit and interact with GC. I can't remember the last time my GC saw their other GPs, they are missing two beautiful children growing up.
My eldest GC is about to become a teenager and I love it that she asks to come and stay and is happy to sit and chat.

My mother felt the same way about my children, her only GC. I suppose because her mother died in childbirth and she had an awful childhood then spent time in mental hospitals after my birth with severe PND, I suppose it affected her feelings about children. She developed a relationship with my eldest when she was fifteen and no longer a child in her eyes. I’m sure the OP will feel differently when hers are older. I’m the total opposite. A hands-on granny. I’ve loved it. I think my mother lost a lot of joy she could have had from her GC.

Because my mum lived so far from her mum when my siblings and I were small she was keen to be a hands on grandmother. She looked after my DD1 when I returned to work, babysat when DH &I wanted to go out etc. Sadly she died young. I have offered and have been taken up by both my DDs for willing childcare to pay forward the benefits my mum offered me. But it suits me. It is not always possible nor does it suit all. Vive le difference!

Very honest of you to admit this and I hope that by doing so and seeing some of the responses on here, you feel better about it. I adore my 2 baby grandsons but am so glad I don’t have to mind them very much!

What a shame for both of you , even though you've been totally honest I find it very sad. I adored my grandparents they acted as a buffer between me and my parents . My father was in the Forces so we travelled a great deal . However, my mother decided to stay behind one year as she didn't care for the posting. My brother and I , and Mum of course , lived with my Grandparents for a year. It was the happiest of my difficult childhood . I now have two granddaughters and I love them intensely . We have lovely times together I couldn't imagine seeing them once a year !
Hopefully your granddaughter has grandparents on her father's side who will give her the love and good times she needs.

Congratulations Paula50 on owning it but look on the bright side. I have great-grandchildren and tomorrow I am lumbered with providing lunch and entertainment not only for the parents but for 3 children under 6yrs. They love to come in school holidays and it gives their Mum a break but it is jolly hard work for my husband and I.
I wish I had your courage.

I'm not mother earth, but love my children and grandchildren. I have no intention of looking after the grandchildren and being tied to covering parents working and tying myself up with 'so many days a week'. I've done all of that type of care with my children. I'm happy to babysit, and have them when it suits me. But I have a life now. bringing my own children up was hard as a single mum, no maintenance. It's my time now.
What I'm getting at is you give what you want/can. All I would say is love grows. Love and that desire to see anyone, including grandchildren comes with spending time with them. The relationship between grandchildren and grandparents is different than that of being the parent responsible for everything. You and your granddaughter (and grandchildren gain so much from that special relationship).
It didn't come easy to me with my first grandson, but every week I did the weekly visit, which was more a duty visit if I'm honest. My 'reward' and bonding day came the day I went and after seeing him see me through the window, heard him running up the hall so excited shouting Nannie, Nannie. From that day I wanted to see him. He;s now 14, and tells me he loves me when I leave, mates there or not! Now have 6 and miss them if I dont see them.
Don't beat yourself up, but maybe do some of those 'duty' visits, and see if the magic happens for you

I'm not a gran yet so a bit of an imposter. I love my daughter to bits and she's having IVF, 3 cycles failed now. I'm so eager to have a GC but no guarantees. My mother was very non-maternal and took little interest in us as kids but loved her grandkids. We are all different and we never know how we'll feel about GC till they arrive.

My paternal grandparents didn't bond with us because we were adopted and they said we weren't their grandchildren. We were taken to see them but my memories were we were told to go into the garden, don't pick the fruit (long garden about 90 ft) don't touch the flowers, stay on the grass. we used to go sit on the little wall, we were inside for Sunday tea, cup of tea and slice of cake, then home.
I have several Grandchildren most of whom i do not see or even hear from, one Granddaughter (in her 30's) sends me happy Birthday on my FB page, I send cards and gifts to HER son, (5 this month) they all live in the north of england while I live in the South and there was a falling out when their father, my son, divorced their mother. My youngest son has a daughter , 11, and they live closer I have a closer relationship with her, I used to babysit her one day a week while the parents worked. I love her but a few hours in her company is enough, I love to see her but am not sorry when she goes home. my friend cannot see enough of her grandchildren, if she is not included in outings etc she gets really upset, she is always happy to child sit etc. we are all different.

I do love my 2 DGS but I never did the "going goey eyed" over them as babies, I would have a little cuddle & then hand them back. However once they reach the "interesting" stages of toddling around & starting to talk I adore them. I've never been one to go all broody over babies but once you can talk to & play with them it's different. Don't worry too much, as long as your DD is happy Paula just keep up contact & always remember Birthdays & Christmas.

My DD's PiL have little interest it their DGS but adore their DGD. DGS1 who is 8 knows this but he's not bothered as he's got me, Nan who he does love very much even though I see him intermittently (clash of busy lives for all of us)

Both my co grandmothers are less actively interested in the DGCs than I am. One is totally uninvolved and always has been from day one. Her son and she are estranged though he did try at one time to reconcile.
Other granny is with a different partner who is not DGC granddad. She is very fond of the DGC but chooses not to be as involved as I choose to be. We are all happy as we are.

It may seem strange and sad to some, but grandparents who aren't worried about how often the grandchildren are at their other Nans, and are not regularly 'devastated' by the nuances of blended families put a lot less pressure on parents.