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Overbearing other grandmother

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Maggiemaybe Tue 21-Aug-18 00:38:08

I’m sure it’ll all pan out, NordschleifeQueen. Congratulations on the baby news! It’s not about who buys what, as you know, and there’s no need to compete on any level with your in laws. Of course you’re all excited about the new grandchild and it’s so easy to get carried away and dash out to buy stuff that isn’t needed (a lovely gliding crib in my case, off to the charity shop after half an hour’s use blush). Your DS and DIL will have their own ideas about the cot, and so they should, and there may well have been safety issues with the one you’ve saved - it would have been kinder if they’d looked at it, but hey, it’s not worth getting upset about, just go with the flow.

Welcome to Gransnet, by the way!

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stella1949 Tue 21-Aug-18 00:23:48

You are finding out the facts of being a grandparent - the girl is having the baby and her parents will be favoured in many or all things. As the parents of the baby's father you will always come second - that's been my experience anyway. So you may as well get used to it.

If you've been asked to buy a cot, that doesn't mean you have to buy something equal in cost to what the others are buying. The best idea is to ask the new parents what they would like, and buy that. Giving them an old cot isn't going to be acceptable - young parents like to get something new and safe, not second hand things like we used "back in the day".

If you want to avoid being competetive with these other grandparents, then don't compete. Stop finding fault, keep your distance, and concentrate on the coming child, not on your own feelings. If the other grandmother is overbearing, stay away and you won't have to experience that. Take a step back and roll with the flow - as the secondary grandparents you have a minor role in the situation so you may as well get used to it. Good luck !

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Diktat Tue 21-Aug-18 00:05:23

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NordschleifeQueen Tue 21-Aug-18 00:02:10

This is my first post.

My son and GF are expecting their first child (our first GC in January) this was a big shock as they had been through a really rocky patch around the time she must have just been pregnant. Her mother sent me a hurtful message about my son, I didn't respond. When they told us about the baby, they told her parents first, my son was suddenly a wonderful person again.

Her mother has become overbearing already and it seems she has been desperate to be a grandmother. She seems to be buying everything she can lay her hands on. We were informed that they were buying the pram, we were also informed that we could buy the cot. I would have liked them to use the beautiful cot we have lovingly kept since having our children but without even being seen the GF has rejected it, So we are to purchase a cot, having just discovered how much her parents have spent on the pram I am struggling to see how we can make an equal contribution.

I know it's not all about the money but I am slightly fearful about how things are going to pan out due to her mother being a bit overbearing and having way too much time on her hands.

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