outings

she does trust me. yes she has forgiven me. but she still wont tell me her personal reasons as to why she wont let me go further afield.

When my son was 6 a friend took him to a theme park with our permission but didn’t bring him back until about 3 hours later than she said. This was before mobile phones but we were so worried even though he was fine. Your daughter may be quite anxious about her children even though you know they are safe with you.

I wholeheartedly apologise for thinking this OP may not have been genuine. Mea culpa.

I would be squinting at the phone too!

Above in reply to Jalima at 11.32.

I write mostly on mobile phone and apart from small keyboard and fat fingers leading to typos (which are often 'corrected' by predictive text to wrong words, using any punctuation or capitals is very laborious needing 3 or more key strikes every time so that i for I sometimes creeps in. (Quite frankly i cant always be bothered!) It doesn't mean I don't know how to write correctly.

Sounds to me like dd is over vigilant. Could she be still grieving?

I couldn't and wouldn't put up with all mind games.
I can't think of a 'personal reason' why you shouldn't be allowed on the beach.
I'm afraid I'd ask outright.
Might get told to mind my own business, but I could take that.

Either your Dd trusts you to look after her Dc or she doesn't. If she doesn't then why in earth is she letting you look after them?

That's what crossed my mind too Buffybee

When we have our GC we do not have to tell our AC what we are up to. They hand them over, glad of a break from them, knowing we will care for them and be ever watchful, wherever we go, whatever we do.

Yes, we tend to take snaps and let them know where we are but it's not expected or asked for. They trust us and that is enough.

I feel a bit sorry for moggie if I am honest, but conclude her daughter doesn't fully appreciate her efforts. I also think she could share with her mother just WHY some places are off limits. I'd certainly abide by her rules, but it sounds like the children had a lovely day out with a concerned granny. Isn't that what it's all about?

If I were Moggie I think I'd withdraw any child-minding days until daughter played fair and told her why certain places were no-go areas. Of course it's a mother's prerogative to say where the children can and cannot go, I appreciate that, but a trip to the seaside should be a lovely day out and not cause rage and anger. Explanations are needed.

It all sounds a bit of a mine-field with confusion on both sides. What ever happened to happy families and appreciation for one another?

Just another point of view...

I think your DD is unreasonable in not telling you why (even if it's a simple as she doesn't want you to) and no treats and a small lunch is not enough for young children, you were massively unreasonable OP.

They are not your children, even if you don't agree with their mothers decisions it is not your place to undermine them. You either take them where allowed or you don't take them at all. Imagine if something awful had happened at the beach, how would you have explained that to your daughter if you've taken them there against her wishes?

You say 'her late husband'. How long ago did he die? Has she always been like this, or just since he died? Was he quite ill before he died? It could be anxiety over having lost her husband, and wanting to keep her children safe.

That lunch is definitely not enough for a growing child.

Speaking as a teacher, that does sound to me as though your DD doesn't trust your physical ability to chase after small kids. She doesn't want you to take them anywhere involving potentially dangerous activity.

OP, have you had any mobility problems in recent years? Knee or hip replacements, that sort of thing?

When my DS was born, I would not leave my MIL alone with him, ever. She had not yet had her replacements done, and she couldn't safely carry a baby around. Now he is 5, I trusted her alone with him in her house on our last visit, but I wouldn't let her take him alone out in a busy area, because she would never be able to catch him if he took off (which he does still occasionally do).

MIL is a lovely lady, and if she was 10 years younger it would have never been an issue, but she always understood that DS's safety came first. She had more babysitting with her first grandkids, DS's cousins, as they are much older.

Sometimes it's just how it is. I will probably have the same thing one day when I'm a grandmother. I'll be too old to safely babysit.

Bit unreasonable to go to the park and not be allowed on the playground. Where's the fun in that for a child?
She does sound very restrictive and controlling. But personally I would still obey to the letter what she says at the moment in order to be allowed more freedom in the future. Not worth risking being cut off.

Can I just add, what if her personal reasons are something about you and she is trying to spare your feelings? My mom is very responsible, has been a teacher for 20+ years, and I would still never let her take my kids to the beach. There is a lot going on, it’s takes seconds to lose track of one and god forbid something happened in the water and my mom couldn’t get to them. My mother is a bit on the heavier side, I would never say ‘I worry you’re too big to be able to get to them quickly if they were in danger’ I would probably make up an excuse to spare her feelings and still get my point across.

Moggje- do not ask her to explain her reasons, they are NONE of your business, respect that she said ‘no’ and leave it at that.

I understand treats being rationed, but that lunch sounds more like a snack, certainly not enough for a growing child. And I can't see why the local playground would be classed as a treat, it's just part of a normal trip to the park, surely? I'm still an advocate of your not doing anything your DD disapproves of, but I wonder why she is so harsh. Has she always been like this?

Moggie, in retrospect, was this a wise thing to do when you already sadly struggle with the amount of time you get to spend with your grandchildren?

Also, the late SIL definitely never said anything about days out, beaches, the uncle, anything? Did you two ever row?

i did explain why we were late coming back.and where we had been ,yes i realise i should have asked her but she always says no. i felt they needed a day out to do what they wanted too. they are not allowed to do anything. if i take to park its no playground/paddling pool/slides etc. its park only.no treats /no ice creams /nothing..they have a packed lunch two small tomatoes/2 pieces cucumber /.6 grapes each ./2 crackers.. thats it and water to drink..

not a wind up.......and i wasnt alone my brother lived at the resort. was with us at all times.am still puzzled by personal reasons? will question her some more. but she wont tell me .all she said its just as my late husband told you. i told her he never told me anything. its for personal reasons.ok i know i was in the wrong ,but gc are never allowed to do anything out of my d comfort zone.but other relatives are,

The thing that would upset me is that she specifically said ‘no seaside’, OP decided she was wrong and took them anyway.

I am a doormat and I couldn’t hand over kids for a day out if I had reason to believe I was going to be actively, deliberately lied to about where the day out was and what activities involved. Especially if it involved something I had said was not alright with me, their mother.

I was ill after birth of number two and DH said he would take them up to his mums for a couple of hours whilst I went to a hospital appointment. MIL had an older relative in a nursing home at the time and had wanted number two brought up there to visit. I had told her and DH I wasn’t comfortable with it yet as DD2 had been a couple weeks early and I knew relative and others were struggling with a virus going round the home. I said I wanted to wait a month or two until baby was bigger and relative felt better.

Four days later, month old new baby was in hospital with RSV. Guess where she and big sis had been taken while she was supposed to be at her granny’s house?

It took months to recover fully and to this day any cold she gets goes into her chest.

I accompanied DH on all visits to my MIL for the next year. Neither of them liked it but they had ignored my request and my newborn had ended up in hospital. Trust wrecked, sorry.

I am easygoing about pretty much everything but if I say absolutely no, I need that no to be taken seriously.

It was the style of writing of the OP Farmor that I think made one or two people think it may not be genuine. Perhaps written on a small phone which I could not do myself.

I agree with pollyperkins that some here jump to conclusions that posts are a ‘wind up’. They do appear now and then, but mostly from usernames not seen before. I would prefer that those with suspicions just reported post, rather than airing their doubts on thread.

Moggie57 has posted previously and this post is in line with others which show she has a somewhat difficult relationship with daughter.

I wouldn't dream of taking the GC anywhere that is expressly against DiLs wishes! That is just asking to never be allowed to see them again.
I know it's annoying if other GPs are allowed to. But the best way to be allowed to look after them is to show yourself as trustworthy. It's not a difficult idea. Always ask first and don't go against her wishes.
I know this post seems unbelievable but I think it is genuine. I don't know why so many people on here keep jumping to the conclusion that posts are a 'wind up'. I've only ever come across one that definitely was and I prefer to treat them as genuine unless proved wrong.

This is very odd.
I have my Dgs 3 full days over the school holidays and we go anywhere we want to do.
Either your Dd trusts you to look after her Dc or she doesn't.
If she doesn't then why in earth is she letting you look after them?
It seems to me though, that it is something to do with this seaside resort, not you!
If it is, she could at least tell you what it is!
I find this very strange behaviour from the Dd.
She should give her Dm a reason.
If my Dd did this to me, which she wouldn't, I would refuse to look after her Dc until she could be honest with me.
I certainly wouldn't put up with this control and/or weirdness.

I would absolutely love to take my grandson to a west end show as I used to take my granddaughter to london for shows, museums etc. However, my D.I.L. is so worried about terrorism and tbh I do understand her fears so I stick closer to home and would not dream of doing anything behind her back.

#moggie57 Sorry, I can feel your frustration at not finding any sense in why you can’t be allowed to take the gch to to the seaside, but you really should not do something their mum has asked you not to do. I know it’s hard to understand but she must have her reasons and she may not be able to voice them so you need to respect her. She’s the mum now! We have to step back as grannies and do what mum says! In many ways this is easier for us, not having to decide about things. My daughters have taught me a lot about modern child care. Things change with each generation.

You may need to let her cool down first, but do please apologise to her. It’s very hard for a girl to have her wishes about her own children overridden by her own mother. It is as if you are saying her mothering skills are in doubt. She should not have to give reasons for her wishes either because her choices for her children are her responsibility and she should be respected for deciding what is best. We grans cannot interfere. Please tell her you really have made a mistake and didn’t mean to upset her. But also, please, make a vow to always abide by her wishes regarding her children from now on!