outings

Because of my daughter's health problems I have tried to give my GC's some of the experiences she's unable to provide.
She trusts me implicitly with their care, feeding, holidays and outings.
Although I can't imagine she'd say no, I always run suggestions past her. If she did object, I 'm sure she'd explain her reservations.

I would just like to say that my daughter would be over the moon if I decided to take my dgs to the seaside, with or without her knowledge.

She knows perfectly well he would be safe with me.
In fact she complains I don’t take him out enough.

I would be most upset and disappointed if my Dd treated me like that,Maggie. And I fully sympathise.

I think I would want to know why and perhaps this needs sensitive discussion with your DD.

Must say I think your daughter is weird! Shame for Gdcs. My dd would love it if dh and I took hers to the seaside - only 2 and 3 but they adore the beach!

I'm of course assuming that you're fit and able, and not likely to be glued to your phone when you're supposed to be watching them!

I'm lucky enough to be able to take my GC anywhere I like when they're in my care; im trusted completely. Nevertheless, I always run my plans past their mum and dad first, just so that they know where we'll be. Would I take them any considerable distance, without letting their parents know? Never. And I wouldn't like it to have been done to me by own own parents either.

Well said, FlorenceFlower - and others who have made similar posts.

I think it is your daughter who needs some lessons in respect
Goodness, I think respect for the daughter's express wishes is needed here.

I don’t inform the parents of every move when I have the children but would check if I was taking them anywhere different. I d never take them anywhere their parents weren’t happy with.

Not sure if this is a wind-up or not, but I wouldn’t take our dgc anywhere without discussing and agreeing it first with their parents and I definitely wouldn’t take them where I had been expressly asked not to take them.

Would suggest that you revisit your NVQ course work and consider some of the themes which include trust, care, respect and ‘understanding your role’. NVQ certainly doesn’t include a unit on ‘doing whatever you want, just because you want to and because the other granny does’.

Sorry to be tough, but your daughter deserves MUCH more respect. ?

I think that most GPs & parents negotiate boundaries about outings. Like most, there's a number of places we might regularly go, and don't really discuss with parents, but anywhere outside the usual round, we would talk about it - not seeking permission, not informing, but opening a discussion.
It seems that a conversation is needed here: OP respecting her daughter's wishes, daughter being given a chance to say that she feels unhappy about this particular outing. I don't think she has to give a logical reason, but it might help her mum if she says 'I'm not sure why mum, but it makes me anxious / unhappy / upset - can you cut me some slack for a little while?'
I can think of many possible reasons that this particular outing might upset her. It is true that a loving mum may be able to help her over this - but best to respect her wishes at first, then gently support her in letting go a little.
And of course she will respond slightly differently to different family members, and even different places that they might go to.

Moggie57, just learn from this experience and don't do something which antagonises your DD.

I'm sure this is not a wind up. If you type moggie57 in the GN search box it will take you to moggie57 posting in April this year where she describes the difficulties between her daughter and late son in law's parents. The entire and lengthy thread can be read.
This may give respondents a more rounded picture of the situation.

Moggie57 i'm sorry you have been put against the firing squad here with a lot of very strong reaction to your post. Your day out was obviously well intentioned if not wise. I am trusted alone with my two very young DGC and we do all sorts of activities and adventures. My DD has every faith I care for them just as she does and is always pleased we've had such a good time together. Im so sorry this is not the case for you. Do try to start again with your DD and I hope she can explain to you what her fears are. Did she have an unpleasant experience as a child?

OP seems to have gone very quiet. I, too, suspect this may be a wind-up.

Previous post was a reply to Bettyuno

You’re kidding right? What about respecting the parent of the children you are caring for? The parents set the rules, as a caregiver you are to abide by them, no exceptions. People are treating her as a disrespectful and selfish grandparent because that is exactly what she has proven herself to be. I, for one, hope she does lose the privilege of watching her grandkids, she has shown herself to be a dangerous person due to her deceitful ways.

Also, using the ‘one day we’ll be gone’ guilt trip gets old, as most manipulation does, and sooner or later it becomes easier to not see the manipulated at all than to deal with their bullshit.

Jalima1108
One of many on here but that doesn't signify anything.

Wow! Brother hung, drawn and quartered on supposition.
If there was anything concerning about a family member, I should imagine that anyone taking care of children within that group, would need to be warned.
If you knew someone had no driving licence and an untaxed uninsured vehicle, I'm sure that most people would let anyone who might be offered a lift, know beforehand. An oblique analogy but I'm sure you get my drift.

Is this for real. No matter how qualified or experienced you think you are it is unacceptable to do whatever you like when you have the children. I let my daughter know our every move and my GC send phone pictures and messages on my phone too so she can enjoy their day out too from her office. Be a bit more considerate for goodness sake, it might improve your relationship with her too.

Why are people painting you as this disrespectful , selfish grandparent over a day out. I think it is your daughter who needs some lessons in respect. Stop babysitting for her as a lot are saying on this thread and she will soon regret it . She is lucky you are their to help . One day you will be gone , so she should cherish these moments with you and her kids should have happy memories of you to remember.

I think you should apologise sincerely and tell her you will follow her rules in future, but only if you mean it.

If you do not sort this it could result in you never having your grandchild again.

Well...if OP is a wind up, it’s certainly worked!

Oh dear things are running away again. Mental health problems, sexual abuse, slow down people.
I agree moggie should not have taken her grandchildren to the beach against the express wishes of her daughter. It seems there is an element of competition with the other grandparents but to do this will not help. Mother and daughter need to have a frank discussion about boundaries and trust.
I lost my granddaughter on the beach many years ago, it was a terrifying experience and only a few months after her father died, I have never felt so scared or guilty. The lifeguards found her and brought her back unharmed and unconcerned.

I find the idea of taking someone else’s children on a day out, and not telling them where very strange indeed. Fair enough you may decide on the spur of the moment to pop to the shop for some sweets, or visit a park close to your home for an hour, that’s slightly different. But taking children to a town and their parents not even knowing where they? That really doesn’t sit right with me.

The fact that you took them to a place you know your daughter didn’t want you to, is quite frankly ridiculous. You are not their parent, and you do not get to decide what’s best for them. Your daughter doesn’t owe you an explanation regarding any of her parenting decisions. It is your job as a grandparent, and more importantly HER MOTHER, to support her decisions, and reassure her that not only is she doing her best, but doing a fantastic job.

If I remember correctly, I commented on a previous thread where you discussed your daughter’s & grandchildren’s bereavement? Perhaps some of what you describe as ‘controlling’ is her still navigating her way through that horrendous grief. Perhaps after losing her husband she has become slightly more protective of her children?

Apologise, sincerely and profusely. And for as long as you need to. You will have to take your lead from your daughter from now on, and be patient if the time you do get with your grandchildren is different for a while. You have broken your daughter’s trust and will have to work to build it back up, as long as that may take.

I can not comment on your suitability to care for your GC but I never do anything with my GC without asking if it is OK.
Perhaps your DD had a bad experience whilst visiting the beach. I never sat upstairs on a bus again after being assaulted on the upper deck when I was a teenager.

Lyndie No way does having your GC in your sole care for the day make you effectively the parent and able to do as you wish. The phrase used legally, is in locus parentis.this means you are in place of the parent and should act as the parents would.

That means following any rules the parents set. When my DGC stay with me or come out for the day, I do as their parents wish. Fortunately DS and DDiL are not that prescriptive and our elder DGC is just off to secondary school, wish means rules are few, but I follow them meticulously and if any thing untoward or unexpected happens I always tell both parents.

I think it helps if a parent explains any surprising rules, but it could be a matter that is entirely private. It may be, for example that the daughter has some suspicions about her uncle's behaviour, perhaps based on her childhood experiences, these suspicions, if they exist, may be totally unfounded, but she may naturally not want to tell his sister. We just do not know, the grandparent has to accept the parent's rules and follow them whether she knows why or not.