Feeling used

Make the most of time with grandchildren, they grow up so fast.
Two weeks at Christmas would be a very long time for some families! Just sayin' ...

Do the other grandparents live abroad ? Might explain why holidays are spent partly with them. In which case the other grandparents might only see the children at those times unlike the OP who sees them on a fairly regular basis. Just a thought!

I can't imagine anything worse than three generations on holidays together.

Yes do enjoy time alone with GC, it is so precious. A colleague is heartbroken after her sons marriage breakdown caused her DIL to move away with the GC and stop all contact.

Marianne1953, I'm not jealous, just sad. My children saw my parents for 2 weeks eery 2 years or so. Then the DPs would go and holiday for a month or so with other sisters... Jealous, moi?

Families are developing all the time and what is usual now can be quite different in a few years time. Don’t spoil anything by overreacting.

YourDD has to get on with her MIL and its not always easy whereas you'll have to take a bit of neglect sometimes.

You are her mother and you can perhaps say you would like to spend a holiday with her and the children but would you really?

I suspect the inlaws are paying.

Could get jealous about the amount of time we see our offspring and DGC compared to in laws but life is too short. Enjoy your time with the GC, you are lucky compared to a lot of GPs.

I WOULD tread gently here - or it could blow up. you could suggest having a holiday together - doesn't need to be long. Just say how nice it would be to spend some time with them. From experience - be prepared to pay for the pleasure!!

I imagine that they feel that they see you all the time. More of an effort has to be made to see relatives who are further afield. I bet the other grandparents are irritated that you see so much of the GC unsupervised!

My children (including my son when he was still talking to me) since they left home have always spent xmas and other special days with the inlaws or their friends - and that's because they have learnt that I hate cooking. If they're here they might get a pizza. If they go elsewhere they get turkey with all the trimmings! However, in recent years my daughter has started spending xmas morning with us on her way to her xmas dinner, and to me xmas is all about xmas morning and the presents So that is best of all worlds for me.

Why are a lot of Grans on here jealous of time with the other Grandparents . For the first five years of my Grandson’ Life, I lived over 250 miles away and the only time I saw him was a few separate weeks when we went to them or they came to us. We now live about hours walk from them and I suppose we don’t get the long weeks, but the occasional day out. Is that the case with your daughter’s in laws?

I can see why you feel like that. I think it's up to you really to carry on as you are, or decide to become less available.

I get the feeling though that becoming less available will not make you any happier, and could damage your relationship with your DD.

You could always chat about the holiday, how it went, was the weather good, did they like the location etc., then you could drop in the conversation how much you'd love to do something similar. Under no circumstance should you make her feel guilty about it as that could well turn into a situation where she'll keep things from you in future.

Enjoy the time you get to spend with your GC, it's precious.

Why feel the need to compete with other grandparents ? just enjoy your GC and the time you have with them.
I suspect you wouldn't be complaining if your DD was on holiday with friends but it is the fact that other GPs are with them, jealousy is not attractive.

In sort of the same situation with two DS. One seems to visit his widowed FIL almost monthly even though 150 miles away. Other goes on holiday with ILs. With one I have GD for most school holidays the other I have to travel 500 miles to see GS though I am left in charge a few times when D'S goes on holiday or if childminding is needed. At times I would like all of each family to visit but I don't dwell on it and relish the time I do have with DGC. Perhaps that is what you should do.

Our son goes away with his wife’s family two or three times a year and always spends Christmas with them. We see them for a day at a time about once every three or four weeks and always at their home. Thank goodness we have a daughter who is very different. We have never complained as I know it could end up with us not seeing our granddaughters at all. So I feel for you as you never know how things could end up.

Yes i think other posts are probably right.its you she trusts to have kids on their own.i know as still a parent of 15yr old as well as a gran i wouldnt have sent mine for a wk at nans but my older kids went to stay at my late mothers a few days(few yrs ago)you could ask if theyl go away with you nxt holiday(theres half term in october)if you can afford to pay for everyone?- maybe that was the pull?if theyve to pay their own way maybe they wont be as willing- kids arent cheap to bring up.but if you can even afford a wk in a caravan or something, ask her.if its no suggest nxt spring/summer.if its its still no youl have to ask why not im afraid.in meantime arrange to have GC for only how long you can manage- no more.(maybe your GC have asked to come have time with you on their own?but wouldnt want to with the other grandparents? I know mine love their time here with me and on holidays too- but dont do that with other grans.)enjoy your time with them but if you cant do a whole wk say so.

I'm in a similar situation. DD and family visited for my 70th in April. She was shocked to realise she hadn't visited since December 2016 [not Xmas]! We visit about 3-4 times a year. they see the IL every week, leave the DCs with them, visit once a fortnight, etc. They also holiday together annually - they're there now. It used to hurt me horribly but - I have learned not to let it get to me.
Envy/feeling used is a very corrosive emotion. Although I really feel for you Emelle, don't let it get to you. Life is too short to feel resentful. Just be glad when you see them, make the most of your time together, and above all, try to be happy! Sermon over.
Good luck.

It could be that the other grandparents envy your position of having the the GC during the school holidays and think you are the lucky one.! Is the Christmas and the holiday they have with the in-laws a regular arrangement or a one off so far?
Perhaps you could suggest that you have a holiday together next year or a Christmas together as a family, as you would like to see more of them all together, otherwise these arrangements with the in-laws could become a tradition which may be difficult to break.

I had exactly the same thought as FlexibleFriend - that the other set of GPs paid for the holiday - maybe a rented cottage? We have done that and invited our son and his GF to join us. They always jump at the chance of a free holiday and go off and do their own thing with maybe just one day spent together. (Mind you when it comes to going out for a pub meal of an evening they are stuck to us, or should I say our credit card, like glue !! ) Her parents tend to go abroad and so they don't holiday with them because of the costs involved.

Reading similar posts to this recently, makes me realise how fortunate I am. One of my sons MIL sadly died very young, the other sons MIL lives over 200 miles away and my daughter lives next door, so I’m the closest hands on Nanny for them all. I too would suggest a holiday together, or spending Xmas together and see what response you get. Failing that, as others have said, just treasure every moment that you do get with GC, as so many grandparents sadly don’t see their little ones at all.

Just enjoy the time you do get with your grandbabys, We have sons so fully expected when baby's came along to lose out to the in-laws but in fact as we are closer we spend a lot of time with our granddaughter and whether it's a visit from them all or childminding her alone I don't care one bit as long as we get the time to bind and enjoy her, they grow up so quickly and before we know it they won't need us so make the most of it and don't fret about the why's and where fors I say!!

Dear Emle, if I have read your post correctly, you have time with your grandchildren alone in the holidays etc. Sounds marvellous, I wouldn’t rock the boat if I were you. As someone else has said here, perhaps your daughter trusts you to have sole care of her children and not her in laws. Holidays with the whole family can be rather stressful.

Regarding Christmas, perhaps that can be shared out but if not, why not have a special pre or post Christmas time with your daughter and grandchildren? Do you have other children and grandchildren?

You are seeing a lot of your grandchildren, on your own, what’s not to like? ?✅

I would definitely have a conversation with your DD about how the facts of the matter, as you’ve presented them here, have made you feel. It’s my hunch that your DD isn’t aware how her actions are coming across. It sounds as if you have a good relationship with her, otherwise - as a pp has wisely pointed out - she wouldn’t entrust GCs to you. Keep your tone neutral and non-accusatory and state what you would like: time with all her family. Maybe you’ll get the Christmas slot this year - that sounds only fair to me! X

I often feel used, but I see grandchildren as a special gift so I just push those feelings away and enjoy the time with them - like your own children they soon grow up.

Would they normally ring you during a 2 week holiday? I wouldn't usually phone people while on holiday nor expect people to call me from holiday.
Aside from that, it is uneven but not significantly so and is it the same every year? Things sometimes work out that way for all kinds of reasons. They are obviously not preventing you from seeing the grandchildren.
I don't think that you are being unreasonable but maybe a bit over sensitive but it is difficult to know without knowing how communication has gone - eg whether you have invited them and they have declined, whether they pick up that you are a bit peeved but are not sure why etc. It can only be guesswork but I would say enjoy the time you have and things are bound to change in some ways when the children get older.