Feeling used

Hmm....I’d feel used too, but can you clarify.

Have the children gone away with their parents and the other set of grandparents for this holiday?

Actually re-reading your post I gather they have. Why don’t you suggest that you and your DD and family go away together next year and see what the reaction is?

That does sound a bit rough. Do you think it's because it's your DD and she treats you a bit differently to the way she is with her in-laws. You are the faithful familiar one who'll take the GC when needed whereas the in-laws invite then all for an actual holiday?
I know our DD went on holiday to a resort with her in-laws who paid for everything.
I'm happy for them. Lucky girl!
I get any moaning that's going though and I bet the in-laws don't get that.

grammaretto
#whatmumsarefor

Perhaps your DD trusts you to have the GC in the holidays, but doesn’t trust her in-laws.
Perhaps she’s actually very grateful to be able to leave them with you while she has some time to herself?

Like the proverbial worm, turn, Find something pressing to do for at least part of that week and say you cannot cover all of it.

Why though, why not just enjoy having your grandkids and be thankful they trust you enough to let you, and that the kids want to be with you, all this tit for tat stuff mystifies me
They ve had a holiday with the in laws ! Well lucky them
have you suggested a holiday and they ve refused it ? I think OldMeg has a good point invite them for next year and see what happens

I think you should only agree to having your GC for the amount of time/ times that you feel comfortable with.You should then feel less put upon,
Don’t be afraid to say no, and try not to think beyond that.

Emelle I don't know if the other GP live further away but in my experience the family see far more of the GP who are at a distance whilst we get the odd Sundays and child care in the holidays. I don't mind and only do what I can but I know the others think the GC are in and out of our house a lot - not true.

Did they all go on holiday together at the other GP expense, cos if so who can blame them. Why do so many feel the need to compete surely it doesn't matter. Do they have a good time with you because that's all that matters.

If you have a generally good relationship with your daughter and have enjoyable times with your grandchildren, I'd leave well alone. If you start a quarrel, you could end up seeing less of them.

Perhaps some people might regard me as weak but I don't like arguments or confrontation.

So....you get the children on your own, and the other grandparents get them with their parents. I know which I'd prefer ! I'm happy to have them alone, and I do so on almost every school holiday. We have very special times, with no parental interference. I never feel used - these times are precious and will be over too soon.

Why don't you just relax and stop comparing yourself with the other grands.

Our experience is exactly as lulu, describes. We did some thinking and talking about it and decided the contact is different but not necessarily worse, or indeed better. There can be an awful lot of tension in a week. If you’d like some family time why not tell them, suggest a day out as a beginning, otherwise enjoy being with your grandchildren and don’t over think it.

Would they normally ring you during a 2 week holiday? I wouldn't usually phone people while on holiday nor expect people to call me from holiday.
Aside from that, it is uneven but not significantly so and is it the same every year? Things sometimes work out that way for all kinds of reasons. They are obviously not preventing you from seeing the grandchildren.
I don't think that you are being unreasonable but maybe a bit over sensitive but it is difficult to know without knowing how communication has gone - eg whether you have invited them and they have declined, whether they pick up that you are a bit peeved but are not sure why etc. It can only be guesswork but I would say enjoy the time you have and things are bound to change in some ways when the children get older.

I often feel used, but I see grandchildren as a special gift so I just push those feelings away and enjoy the time with them - like your own children they soon grow up.

I would definitely have a conversation with your DD about how the facts of the matter, as you’ve presented them here, have made you feel. It’s my hunch that your DD isn’t aware how her actions are coming across. It sounds as if you have a good relationship with her, otherwise - as a pp has wisely pointed out - she wouldn’t entrust GCs to you. Keep your tone neutral and non-accusatory and state what you would like: time with all her family. Maybe you’ll get the Christmas slot this year - that sounds only fair to me! X

Dear Emle, if I have read your post correctly, you have time with your grandchildren alone in the holidays etc. Sounds marvellous, I wouldn’t rock the boat if I were you. As someone else has said here, perhaps your daughter trusts you to have sole care of her children and not her in laws. Holidays with the whole family can be rather stressful.

Regarding Christmas, perhaps that can be shared out but if not, why not have a special pre or post Christmas time with your daughter and grandchildren? Do you have other children and grandchildren?

You are seeing a lot of your grandchildren, on your own, what’s not to like? ?✅

Just enjoy the time you do get with your grandbabys, We have sons so fully expected when baby's came along to lose out to the in-laws but in fact as we are closer we spend a lot of time with our granddaughter and whether it's a visit from them all or childminding her alone I don't care one bit as long as we get the time to bind and enjoy her, they grow up so quickly and before we know it they won't need us so make the most of it and don't fret about the why's and where fors I say!!

Reading similar posts to this recently, makes me realise how fortunate I am. One of my sons MIL sadly died very young, the other sons MIL lives over 200 miles away and my daughter lives next door, so I’m the closest hands on Nanny for them all. I too would suggest a holiday together, or spending Xmas together and see what response you get. Failing that, as others have said, just treasure every moment that you do get with GC, as so many grandparents sadly don’t see their little ones at all.

I had exactly the same thought as FlexibleFriend - that the other set of GPs paid for the holiday - maybe a rented cottage? We have done that and invited our son and his GF to join us. They always jump at the chance of a free holiday and go off and do their own thing with maybe just one day spent together. (Mind you when it comes to going out for a pub meal of an evening they are stuck to us, or should I say our credit card, like glue !! ) Her parents tend to go abroad and so they don't holiday with them because of the costs involved.

It could be that the other grandparents envy your position of having the the GC during the school holidays and think you are the lucky one.! Is the Christmas and the holiday they have with the in-laws a regular arrangement or a one off so far?
Perhaps you could suggest that you have a holiday together next year or a Christmas together as a family, as you would like to see more of them all together, otherwise these arrangements with the in-laws could become a tradition which may be difficult to break.

I'm in a similar situation. DD and family visited for my 70th in April. She was shocked to realise she hadn't visited since December 2016 [not Xmas]! We visit about 3-4 times a year. they see the IL every week, leave the DCs with them, visit once a fortnight, etc. They also holiday together annually - they're there now. It used to hurt me horribly but - I have learned not to let it get to me.
Envy/feeling used is a very corrosive emotion. Although I really feel for you Emelle, don't let it get to you. Life is too short to feel resentful. Just be glad when you see them, make the most of your time together, and above all, try to be happy! Sermon over.
Good luck.

Yes i think other posts are probably right.its you she trusts to have kids on their own.i know as still a parent of 15yr old as well as a gran i wouldnt have sent mine for a wk at nans but my older kids went to stay at my late mothers a few days(few yrs ago)you could ask if theyl go away with you nxt holiday(theres half term in october)if you can afford to pay for everyone?- maybe that was the pull?if theyve to pay their own way maybe they wont be as willing- kids arent cheap to bring up.but if you can even afford a wk in a caravan or something, ask her.if its no suggest nxt spring/summer.if its its still no youl have to ask why not im afraid.in meantime arrange to have GC for only how long you can manage- no more.(maybe your GC have asked to come have time with you on their own?but wouldnt want to with the other grandparents? I know mine love their time here with me and on holidays too- but dont do that with other grans.)enjoy your time with them but if you cant do a whole wk say so.

Our son goes away with his wife’s family two or three times a year and always spends Christmas with them. We see them for a day at a time about once every three or four weeks and always at their home. Thank goodness we have a daughter who is very different. We have never complained as I know it could end up with us not seeing our granddaughters at all. So I feel for you as you never know how things could end up.