A little genius

Nothing wrong with gently asking if you can have some adult chat instead of GC chats !

Oh Nannarose thank you for your kind words . If only you only knew how much I have longed to share my pride with my “virtual friends” here on GN . I am not a brag ( quite the contrary) but pride just wouldn’t cover it . Yes she has met and learned from, some amazing people over this last year or two and continues to go from strength to strength .

Of course it's difficult to draw a line, but as sensible grans have said: keep it in perspective, from the children's own achievements, to the rest of the family and outside world.

Gillybob - this would, I think, be a place to celebrate your DGC's prowess, but high sporting achievement risks identifying. I hope she continues to enjoy her sport and value the people she has trained alongside and met.

I also think you can inform family of news 'Jemima has her GCSE results, we're pleased her hard work has paid off...' rather than leaving them wondering whether Jemima is glad or disappointed. I have to always contact one branch of the family to ask how the children have done-they have always done well, but their mother thinks ringing to tell me their results is 'bragging'.

My eldest DGC is a sporting high achiever . There is no way on this earth I would discuss her abilities / achievements on these forums and be accused of bragging (or worse) .

Sluttygran - does your friend have just the one grandchild, or is he favouring this particular grandchild over others? If he is, perhaps you could say something like, "Tell me about ???"(Another grandchild.) Of course, this might just open up another bragging session ... If it does, just change the subject - and keep changing it, until he gets the message!

And if he doesn't, you're going to have to be upfront about it. "That's enough about ???, we talk about him all of the time. Can we just talk about us, for a change?"

When you're out in company, I would just interrupt his bragging with something like, "Yes, he's doing very well, but do tell ??? about our trip to Spain (or wotever!)

There's nothing worse than people going on and on about their children or grandchildren! 3 minutes, fine. 5 minutes, max!

I like the three pennies idea very much.

Genius, intellectual ability, creativity etc. are interesting facets of personality, but although they can be enhanced by study etc. they are innate (I believe), so I always taught my children that they should rather aspire to develop character traits such as kindliness, compassion and patience etc. Not everyone can be clever, but anyone can be kind and I'd rather my children were kind than clever.

(They are of course both! )

Well maybe not us, something else would do.

I can understand that sodapop. I suppose its better though to think of something to say like "Right. enough about grandchildren. Lets talk about us now!

Some people though do go on at length about their children and grandchildren gifted or not. I think the five minute rule to talk about your family is a good idea. I would tell your friend that he is over egging the pudding sluttygran before you stop being invited out,
I have a friend who tells me all about her family every time we meet but doesn't even know my children's names. I do get tired of one sided conversations and am considering having less contact with her.

My best friend who died last year used to go on and on about her grandchildren- every little thing thing they learnt to say, do and photos!!! They were all wonderful yawn yawn. couldnt get a word in edgeways. I never had the heart to say anything. I couldn't be that cruel.

Are you sure you don't encourage him by asking after his GS ?
I brought out my pics today to show off my DGS. I was searching for a particular one and my friend said OMG there's another 550 photos!!
I got the message

All children are equally valuable whatever their gifts/strengths or ability.

I am not sure why you think there is 'anti intellectualism' M0nica. That has not been my experience, either as a parent, GParent or a teacher.

In the same way a child with a strength or gift in physical development, e.g. gymnastics, has to be supported and nurtured to keep up to age expectations in e.g. Maths, so a gifted mathematician needs to be encouraged to develop other useful skills and attributes. Does not mean the exceptional maths skills are not valued.
I have taught some very academically able children over the years, they were always rewarding and exciting to work with but no less rewarding than others with different strengths.

Some parents do think their children are academically gifted when they are not & some do not realise how able their children are. Shame if parents try to hide a child's strength though.

My DGD1 is part of a G&T group at her secondary school and was miffed to get some additional work to do over the holiday. " If we are supposed to be more clever than other students why are we doing more work?" She did it and enjoyed doing it!

Well, talking incessantly about it, and not letting anyone else get a word in edgewise does sound bordering on the obsessive side.
Not to mention that most people aren't interested to that extent.

-and isn't it inevitable that anyone with a gifted child who mentions it gets accused of bragging.

I too have 3 wonderful grandchildren. To me they are the best. My DGS is not intellectually gifted, wonderfully clever beyond his years, or headed for an outstanding career. He is however autistic and has put up with bulling, name calling, physical and emotional aggression from so many. What is he like? Charming, funny, super fast wit, protective of others. Do I think he's fantastic and better than anyone else's grandchild? You bet I do.

That’s lovely to hear Deedaa -that would have made me so proud!
I was quite a bright child, and my father told me that for a girl the important thing was ‘looks, not books’ and that if I continued to be a swot then I would never be of use to any man.
I’m glad to say that he was absolutely right. I have refused to be used by several controlling men, and would recommend any girl to be the same!

When GS1 left primary school in July I thought it was rather nice that the teachers didn't talk so much about his achievements, but said how much they would miss his personality.

Yes indeed, a touch of acid usually creeps in!
Whatever a child’s intellectual gifts, the ability to be happy, and to be a kind and decent human being must rank at least as high, and that’s what I wish for my grandchildren and everyone elses!

Hasn't this thread opened up a wonderful opportunity for that very topic?
(Apparently deprecating) bragging grandparents!

B9exchange Your experience with your son is similar to mine and we now have the same thing with our grand children. But with our son most schools were really anti exceptionally bright children. I was an active member of the National Association for Gifted Children and helped so many members whose biggest problem was hostility from teachers, most never told the school, but the children were nevertheless single out for being 'clever, clever'

Nowadays attitudes have changed and schools run 'Gifted and Talented' programmes., although mainly at secondary school level. DGD has already been selected for it and DGS will, when he is old enough.

I never saw it as something to boast about. Nothing I did made them as bright as they are. They were born with an innate ability, and all I wanted was for them to make the most of it and flourish.

All the snide comments in this thread about these children not being so clever in the long run, or high stress from parental hot housing and self imposed perfectionism and not being able to cope with failure are rubbish. Of course it happens to some children, but it happens to some children regardless of their ability.

Being gifted does not mean wafting through school with only half the mind engaged and being effortlessly successful. Not all gifted children are brilliant at everything. DS is dyspraxic and had endless problems with writing and games and is distinctly average when it comes to maths. A gifted friend of his was dyslexic, others have to cope with all the normal problems in life, families breaking up, or families in poverty of with siblings who are disabled.

As I said there is a deep anti-intellectualism in this country that will always do everything to undermine any one who is seen to be very bright.

My grandson is 'gifted', but my daughter has made sure he has his feet on the ground, especially with social interaction. This can be hard when you are in a school with all levels.
I was too, but I never knew. I went to a grammar school so most were clever. In some ways this was a problem as I never had to work too hard, but it caught up with me eventually when it came to Uni.

M0nica you are so right, I felt I could not join in discussions of child achievements with other parents, and had to keep quiet. Son number 4 had IQ 158, went through school two years ahead, sailed through uni and got his doctorate in psychology with ease. I can't understand a word he says about his work! I am even reluctant to mention it here, because whatever you say it looks like bragging, and it is nothing to do with me, the other three were 'normal'!

Now to my relief he is about to become a father, so we will have something to talk about!

High expectation from self and family increases stress on a child who may start out in front of the rest but once the others start to catch up, as they will, they will no longer be number 1. The child then has to deal with unfamiliar feelings of failure even if they have not failed, and in some cases may drop out altogether.

I am curious as to who labelled the child as ‘ exceptional and gifted’, how old he is, and who measured his ‘ astronomical’ I.Q.

And luckygirl, my middle son could read and comprehend anything by the time he turned three, and had a vast knowledge of animals and birds. How I was brought down to earth at his first parents’ evening when his teacher told us, yes, his reading was excellent, but the rest of the class would soon catch up. This was indeed the case, and, while as he went through school he was academically successful, there were no signs of ‘ giftedness’.

I think I’d deal with this by jokingly saying something like,” Doting granddad alert! Doting granddad alert!”
Or I’d just ignore it.

The 3 penny trick sounds excellent! Academically exceptionally able children are often exciting to be around and hopefully go on to provide the nation/ world with something very positive. As a nation we actually do value academic ability more highly than other equally valuable 'talents'. I have a very dear friend who has 3 lovely grandchildren of whom I am very fond .But they are more amazing than everyone elses! It gets quite tedious as he regales us, his pals, with their latest successes. Most of us have DGCs too but if we try to interject with an anecdote about our DGCs it is not recieved with the level of enthusiasm we are expected to respond to him! Doting grandparents can be blind!