A little genius

There was an old Gran on Gransnet
Who banged on about her Grandson and you bet.....
she was told by her peers
that they would cuff her ears
if she refused to change her mindset.

Ramblingrose I don't think a lecture about what he's doing wrong, and why is a good thing. It can make you feel as if everyone is tired of listening to you and would rather you just went away. It can be very upsetting. Approaching it in a lighthearted way is much better.

grannyactivist I had a grandmother like that. I came home excited because I had passed Grade 2 piano. She just looked at me and said 'Your trumpeter won't die of overwork' and turned away from me.

Took all the pleasure out of the day for me.

I think we all like to be proud of our DGC and why not. They are all great for so many reasons. But I pose the following question to the parents/grandparents of the genius brigade.
As I child (and to this day) I have always had a bad memory. At school I always dreaded being told off. I worked hard on my homework. Spent hours trying to get it right. My friend (very clever) spent 10 or 15 minutes a night on her homework. She always got A if I was lucky I got a C . I worked harder but she had the brain. Who deserved the higher mark, the one who put in more effort or the one whose brain was just better?
There are people who work hard and are very clever and deserve praise. I also think those who aren't so clever but try hard deserve praise - they don't often get it. I was ver,y fortunate that my lovely mum and dad never for one moment made me think I was less of an achiever or less important than my clever siblings and friends. I have friends who are always so proud of their GC achievements and so they should be. I am equally proud of my autistic GS achievements. He has worked really hard too.

I want to yawn when yet another grandparent tells me what a genius their gc is. Really, I would be prouder if they just did the best they could, was happy and a nice person. Haven't they got anything else in their lives?

I didn’t think Kim19 did “prove the OP” at all Eglantine she said she NEVER talks about her DGC to her friends unless asked.

Now you’ve made us all curious GabriellaG
Can we have just a leetle hint, maybe a tiny brag?
We won’t be bored - promise!

Several years ago, when one of my children was still a young teen and greener than today, a fan asked for an autograph and photo.
My YAC said to me 'Can you sign for me mum...please?' and disappeared into the car park. That AC dislikes me mentioning anything so I haven't and I won't but it is difficult to keep schtum when many people are proud of their achievements and readily talk about them.

I've said many times on this forum how much I love my parents-in-law, but they absolutely drummed into their children that being boastful was only marginally better than being a serial killer of small babies. Consequently I have had to teach, cajole and encourage my husband into actually celebrating his (many ) achievements. Our sons have similarly inherited (?) a natural tendency to self-effacement and so rather than blowing their own trumpets I admit I tend to do it for them. But not too much, well I don't think I do......... wanders off with worried frown.

Kim19, why do you think your friends are envious of you grandchildren?

I kind of think you’ve just proved the OPs point!

sluttygran.
What has your friend got that still draws you to him?Can there be anything more boring than a doting grandparent or parent that believes others are as remotely interested in their 'little darlings' as they are.

Leonard’s mother was wise, wasn’t she?
I don’t think my friend is a brag by nature - he’s quiet, kind and sensitive, but he lives for his family and doesn’t really have any outside interests.
He has three grandchildren and dotes on all of them, but there’s no doubt that the seven year old boy is the apple of his eye.
I shall try to speak gently about the never ending carrying on - I really would hate to cause upset, because he is such a nice bloke.
I do understand what it’s like to be proud of grandchildren - I am enchanted with my mob, and could praise them for hours, but I know that it would bore everyone else rigid.
It seems to be a common problem as borne out by all your interesting posts.
I have a very elderly neighbour who thinks that the sun shines etc. about her adult grandson, whereas it’s pretty obvious that he sponges off her constantly. He’s a bad lot from all accounts, but she worships him. Still, it’s her money and she’s happy, so unless she seems distressed by his continual cadging, none of her friends will interfere.
It just goes to show that the adoration of grandchildren doesn’t begin and end with the cute little young ones!

Reminds me of Leonard's mother in The Big Bang Theory, when asked if she is proud of her other childrens' achievements she simply says....'Why? They are not my achievements!

How about a conversation along the lines of 'Gosh, isn't it boring listening to others going on about their GC? I wonder if they feel the same listening to us?' Just gently sewing a seed might provoke a self critical thought or at least a threshold for further discussion. I have two close friends I never mention my GC to unless asked. I always have a recent photograph on my person just in case. I have no doubt they both harbour a degree of envy but I can only stress how little I had to do with their arrival in my life!

It would indeed PECS it would indeed .

I have always hated show-offs and I think it is very insensitive to brag about how clever one's DCs or GCs are. In the case of a highly intelligent GC, supposing someone else listening has a GC who has learning difficulties and they are very worried about it?

Does the OP's friend have nothing else to talk about?

There is the gentle approach - eg "Are you aware how much you talk about your GC? Have you thought about how this could upset someone who has a GC with learning difficulties? [see reaction] Of course we all think our GCs are special but other people will think you are just showing off when I know that you're not like that."

Or the direct approach: "Are you aware how much you talk about your GC? Everyone we meet is getting bored hearing it over and over again and so am I. Please stop and talk about something else or I'll have to cut you short whether it's just us or in front of others."

This should give him pause for thought.

Let us know how you get on.

Gosh.. wouldn't it be lovely if they were 'perfect'! This morning the back to school early morning routine was already showing its impact! Cross patch DGD1 (13) could not find a trainer so it was everyone's fault but hers..it was on the sofa just above the sports bag. Her packed lunch was all wrong..she failed to prepare it last night so her mum did it to avoid panic this morning. DGD2 (10) hates morning at the best of times so back to early morning routines is especially tough.. her hair was tangled and she HATES having to brush out tangles, her pants were wrong too, not the right colour apparently! Ho hum..they both got off to school on time and I did get a hug from both!

My DGC ARE perfect , they are beautiful, clever, high sporting achievers Brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag brag .....

Is that enough for you eazybee or would you like more ?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The bare truth is that perfect children, like perfect adults, don't exist.
As for 'banging on' about a grandchild's looks or ability. Is it for reflected glory?

mcem
Oh Yes!!!
And they seem oblivious to the fact they are doing it, even on this post.

Lucky is you friend hard of hearing? In one group of pals we have a lovely lady who is quite deaf and needs hearing aids, which she forgets to put in sometimes. She lives on her own so when meets up is keen to talk. However she often cuts across an ongoing conversation to relate an anecdote about a grandchild or something else about her or family. Whilst we understand what is happening it can be quite frustrating when a conversation is derailed! We have started gently, to say "So & so was just telling us about...." to try to help her see she has interjected at an inappropriate moment!

I don't know how long you have been in this relationship, but I wonder if your friend brags about his grandson, full stop, because that is what he does, bragging:
he always cuts in and has to better them.
If it wasn't his grandson, it might be his golf handicap. Simply intervene and pointedly change the subject.

I have a lovely friend who has come to grannyhood quite late, she now talks about the ups and downs of her 'smalls' non stop. Very annoying for me as when mine were all small she had not the slightest interest!, however, I am so pleased for her I just let it drift over me and drink my tea.

sluttygran only thing I can think of is to say to him 'do you realise you talk about nothing else', just a thought is there anything else in his life other than you and his family, some men can be notoriously short of hobbies and interests and therefore having no other conversation.

I have a friend who talks about her herself, deceased husband, her family, the whole time. She interrupts every conversation with her anecdotes and is very, very, boring and repetitive. She's also a very poor listener. She's basically a good person but I can see people turning off when she starts talking. I keep trying to think of ways to tell her but don't want to hurt her.
Sorry Sluttygran, this isn't helping you as I have no solutions to offer.

The three pennies idea is great.

It’s certainky quite annoying when people only talk about one subject, in this case your friend only talks about his grandson. It’s fabulous that his grandson is clever, bright and articulate, and I am sure he will continue to be so, BUT your friend could talk about someone or something else as well.

I have a friend with two children, both excel academically and in sports, and also seem to be very nice young people, but she has driven other friends away by her almost constant boasting about their prowess. Every single conversation comes back to one of her children.

Is it possible that your friend thinks that you and your friends bang on about your children and grandchildren too much? Or is he, like my soon to be ex friend, seemingly oblivious to what other people think?

?