How often do you see local gc

Febmum. You let mils actions dictate how many kids you’ll have!?!? I feel sorry for you. Stand up for yourself and your family by saying no to her.

We see mine once a week, if we are ill it doesn't matter as, as MIL says we can be ill at hers the same as we can be ill at home. Me and husband have decided not to have more children becuase of it and are both unhappy with the situation! We have 4 sets of parents and grandparents left if you add them up and she is the only one who insists on weekly visits, which ironically has led to her being the only one we don't look forward to and only one my son doesn't like spending time with! MIL spends visits complaining she doesn't have more time and forcing 100 pictures rather than playing as well as never giving him back when he's crying and lunging for us

2-3 hours twice a month is a lot compared to how often I saw my grandparents growing up. We didn't live local. Mum's parents lived 2 hours' drive away and we saw them every month or two. Dad's parents lived 6 hours' drive away and we saw them two or three times a year.

If MIL is going to be a pain, it's not unreasonable for Diktat to decide that she doesn't want to see her alone. My FIL certainly would never be allowed over to our house alone (actually he isn't allowed in our house at all; Hubby is backing me up on this 100%).

It's none of MIL's business how often Diktat's parents see the GC. "Fairsies" often ends up becoming a problem.

Frankly, if MIL is going to be putting on guilt trips and snide remarks in front of the kids, maybe MIL is someone the kids don't need to see. Just because she's family doesn't mean that she has an excuse for poor behaviour. Diktat also doesn't need to be disrespected in her own home.

are you in the US Diktat? Just your use of language and the fact your MIL has a pool.
It's another country...they do things differently there.

if you are in the UK, it depends on circumstances how often you would wish to see PIL, once a week is not unreasonable if they live close to you.They may be happy with once a fortnight.You have to be able to talk to our MIL on your own though, I mean what is she like, Cruella De Ville?

About once a week, sometimes twice. I pick the oldest one up from school once a week, and often babysit her baby brother a few hours a week. I would be interested to hear why the OP is so mean to her in laws.

I have done the same speldnan re the OP!

As a mum my DH and I took our kids to see both sets of grandparents most weekends or they came to us for lunch or tea. It was never a strict routine so if we, or they, had an invite out somewhere we did not go. Nobody got pixxed off! We respected each other, enjoyed the relationship and valued the role our children had with their grandparents.
I have two DD but I would be upset if they were offish with in-laws! My co-grannys should have as much opportunity to be a grandparent as I have. As it happens one does not want to but the other does. How nice for kids to have lots of loving adults to take an interest in them. I get it is "your" mat leave but really it does make you sound a bit selfish!

I see all my 4 DGC x 2 weekly as I look after them after school. Sometimes I see them over the weekend too..all depends what's happening, or bump into them in town or the park.
I do not find it a bind and know that all too soon they will not need looking after and the frequency will reduce as they become more independent and have activities that are far more exciting than I can provide!

If I want to go away I give my DDs plenty of notice to make an alternative arrangement and that's all OK. Occasionally DD1 need to be away overnight for work & if her DH is on call /duty then I have her 2 overnight.

DH & I manage a very busy social life, p/t work and the 2 afterschool sessions with DGC. Being busy keeps us lively and alert (as well as occasionally knackered!)

This is certainly a difficult one. I suspect that, when a ‘push back’ is being suggested, the grandparent feels they are/have been taken advantage of ... In order to avoid resentment, don’t offer what you aren’t willing to do gladly and try to remember that, in the 0-7 years stage, you’re fortunate to be building a bond that will last a lifetime.

Doodle. Of course I enjoy those things - I enjoy spending time with my parents. They don’t guilt or manipulate. They don’t cry when things don’t go their way. They behave much differently than my mil.

This is my maternity leave and I am of the opinion that I will spend it how I choose. I choose to spend time with my parents. I do not choose to do the same with my inlaws.

We see them for 2-3 hours twice a month when my husband is available.

About 30 miles.
Every week & they stay weekends with us lot as their parents have a good social life.
Welove to have them& they love coming.
ENCOURAGE a good relationship with GP. We are very useful,!

Just re read posts and realised I misunderstood the original post ie it’s the mum talking . I’m sure I’m lucky that my DD has included me in her children’s lives right from the start. However she does ‘use’ me for child care and to help her sort out the house/ do housework which I’m totally fine with. I keep away if I know she’s busy in the school hols with friends etc and hope she would tell me if she really didn’t want me to come. But then I’m her mother and she doesn’t have in laws only aunt in laws so not sure how she’d be with them.

When our kids were small, one weekend we were out and about and were passing my husband's parents' house so we called in for a cup of tea. By coincidence, the same thing happened the following weekend. On the third weekend we didn't go out. Soon there came a gentle prod, 'Where were you on Saturday? We had the kettle on!' We vowed (in perfect agreement) never to give them cause for such expectations again!

OP I can easily see how an expectation of seeing grandchildren once a week, every week, could be rather restricting!

On the days that my daughter, and not the childminder, takes my granddaughter to school, they go past my office, and I am required to give her a wave as she goes past. So I "see" het two or three times a week.

Depending on my daughter's work shifts, I either collect granddaughter from school or from the childminder two or three times a week, and keep her either at our house or at their flat until my daughter has finished work.

Before my daughter started working in April this year, we saw them one day every weekend, and usually one evening in the week for dinner.

I see my U.K. Gchildren at least once a week, sometimes more and have done since the first one was born. I love it, I’m like a second mother to them and look after them occasionally while parents go out. They live 25 miles away but it’s worth the travelling. I consider it a privilege to be part of their lives, especially as my other 2 GDs live in NZ and I never see them.

I agree with you, Paddyann but it is not the easiest state of affairs. I have never seen eye to eye with my MiL but realised as you said she was OH mother and DCs grandmother so there was no point falling out with her. Equally I expect to be treated courteously as OH wife and DC mother. As that as never happened, in the last 40 years, some time ago I decided to have as little contact with her as possible so OH visits on his own and she visits us at Christmas. It's not something I am happy about but such a difficult situation to resolve.

We live in France [obviously]! and our DGC live in Hertfordshire. Because of "distancing" by our DIL, we are lucky if we see them once per annum. Enjoy at least living in the same country.

So Diktat you manage to push your in-laws visits with their grandchild to twice a month but are happy for your own parents to see their grandchild when they come over and help with chores look after your baby and go swimming and shopping together.

I would urge you to try harder to overcome your animosity to your in-laws even if (as you see it) it is their fault you feel this way. You are depriving them of the joy of being with their grandchild more often and seeing that child grow and develop. Please try and be more kind to them whatever your feelings, grandchildren are so prescious to us all.

How would you feel in later life if your child's partner restricted so severely your access to any of your grandchildren they may have. Don't bother replying that you would not behave towards them as your in-laws do to you. It may not matter. Your child's partner may just not like you and not want to see you and may treat you just like you treat your in-laws.

Jalima. If someone is rude to me, I will turn into a bitch against them. So the best way to handle mils rudeness (guilting, inappropriate remarks) is to have husband present so I don’t say what I really think and end up with her crying that I’m so mean.
Diktat What a pity that you have managed to get to your age and become a mother too without learning any self-control.

Diktat you need to put your dislike to one side,she's your OH's mother and your Childs GM .If you cant stand her then find things to keep you busy while your husbands FAMILY spends time together.

Give up

Only granschild

We have our precious and on GC on a Tuesday and Wednesday from 7.30am and 4.30pm and very occasionally a couple of hours at the weekend. We waited a long time for her, a miracle child, so we love every minute, she’s 20 months and a whirling dervish

I so envy the folk here who see their children/ grandchildren regularly. When I bought my house postdivorce I made sure it had enough bedrooms for family to stay. In ten years I had my gc from England with my son once! I am so good to my family but nobody comes. Even the ones who live close. I do visit but I would love them to want to come to me.. (Sorry I'm stealing the OPs thread really)

Diktat you come across as very abrasive
There seems a ‘few’ American Mums writing on here about their awful mother in laws that they can’t be alone with
Both your problem and the way you write sounds very familiar
Having read your very very rude and nasty post that was deleted on another thread recently I feel sympathy for your mother in law

Diktat from what you've said in your latest post you see your own parents on a fairly regular basis and have a good relationship with them. They don't overstay their welcome; they have a swimming pool for you to enjoy and you like having them around your child. It's just your mother in law you don't get on with; have to set strict boundaries on and make cry with your meanness.

Of course it is dear! We understand completely.
The more information you're giving, the more I'm remembering from your earlier posts