Gransnet forums


How often do you see local gc

(186 Posts)
Diktat Wed 12-Sep-18 19:37:04

Just wondering if you live close to your inlaws how often they saw/see your kids. Mine live 10 mins away and expect once a week but I’ve been able to push it to twice a month.

NonnaW Wed 12-Sep-18 19:44:53

We always lived at quite a distance from both sets of parents so my sons only saw their grandparents once or twice a have loved for them to see gps once a week to really build a relationship. I have been lucky to be able to see my step grandson weekly up till now when he spends more days in nursery, but I’ve loved the opportunity to build a relationship with him, which I wasn’t able to do with my own granddaughter due to distance, work and problems with her mother.

In the end though, it’s up to you.

BlueBelle Wed 12-Sep-18 19:48:55

What’s wrong with once a week sounds reasonably if the kids are happy Depends what age they are really

Doodle Wed 12-Sep-18 19:49:52

I think it depends a lot on the age of the GC. We have all our GC living within about 15 mins drive from us. When under 5 we saw them every week or two especially when babies.
After they started school about once every 3 weeks.
Now they are older and have lots of after school activities than usually only during school holidays when we try and take them all out together.
We accept that mums and dads have jobs, GC have homework and friends and other interests. We keep in touch by text and phone but as long as they are happy we are happy to see them whenever they are free. Hopefully, this is never a duty or obligation visit. If the are with their friends I am happy.

aggie Wed 12-Sep-18 20:00:13

Two of mine have been in already today , and warned me they would be back tomorrow ! but they are 11 and 15 , I am expecting a visit in November from the ones who live further away

Melanieeastanglia Wed 12-Sep-18 20:33:28

If you like your in-laws and they are good to you and your children, what's wrong with once a week? If they are fit enough, perhaps they could help you with your children. 10 minutes away doesn't sound far, whether in a car or on foot.

If they are not very nice people, I understand perfectly why once a week is too much.

Jalima1108 Wed 12-Sep-18 20:50:35

I’ve been able to push it to twice a month.
Why? There must be a reason. Are they abusive? Are they unkind to your DC?

Iam64 Wed 12-Sep-18 21:10:29

Diktat by name and nature it seems.

SpanielNanny Wed 12-Sep-18 21:11:49

I live about 15 minutes (by car) from my 15 month old dgs, and usually see him once a week. Occasionally I’ll miss a week, if ds and dil are particularly busy, but that’s very rare. My son works long hours, and is rubbish at keeping in touch. To be honest I think I’m a bit of an inconvenience to him! But I’m very grateful to my dil for allowing and encouraging me to have such a wonderful relationship with my dgs.

MawBroon Wed 12-Sep-18 21:13:28

Why Diktat - don’t you like them?

Jalima1108 Wed 12-Sep-18 21:32:57

I see you have posted before on this kind of issue Diktat - one post at least was deleted by GNHQ.

The other comments you made to someone else could perhaps help you now:

Comment on social media? Seems passive aggressive.

Have you done anything overbearing?

agnurse Wed 12-Sep-18 21:49:05

Once a week is frankly a lot of time. Consider that most families are busy on weeknights and only have time together on the weekends. If you spend even half a day each week with the in-laws, that's already 25% of your family time each week taken up. Plus many children have weekend activities, too.

BlueBelle Wed 12-Sep-18 22:30:53

That’s nonsense Agnurse the poster doesn’t say how much time once a week what day or evening or what age the kids are So how or earth can you work out that the poster is losing 25% of her family time A very big chunk of imagination going on there Once a week could be one hour out of the 168 hours
I also remember the previous post by Diktak and wasn’t impressed by it

MawBroon Wed 12-Sep-18 22:36:22

Don’t exactly get your maths agnurse
I used to have Sunday tea with my grandparents every week after a walk with my Dad, Mum would join us after a (no doubt) welcome bit of “peace and quiet” having the house to herself!
What % would you call that?

notanan2 Wed 12-Sep-18 22:37:59

Once a week is a LOT if its a full day happening at weekends or parents day off work. It leaves very little time for immediate family/friends time

If its once a week "popping in" after nursery/work/school it's not much and quite reasonable

So really think it depends on what form the once a week is expected to take

Chewbacca Wed 12-Sep-18 22:43:44

25%? Hmmmm! Let me see.....

5 hours of free childminding today.
8 hours of free childminding this Friday.
5 (could end up more) babysitting on Saturday evening.
3 hours when they all come for their Sunday lunch because they invited themselves.

So agnurse, what percentage is that? Of a week? A month? A weekend?

I too remember diktat's earlier posts. hmm

Maggiemaybe Wed 12-Sep-18 22:44:28

My MIL used to collect my lot at 10 every Wednesday morning and drop them back at 3-ish, when they were too young for school. They loved it, and her, nearly as much as I did.

stella1949 Wed 12-Sep-18 23:03:09

I take 2 of them to and from school every day except Friday's That's about 2 hours out of my day, 4 days a week.

The other 2 live 1 hour's drive away - on Fridays I drive over, do my daughter's ironing, pick up the kids from school and hang out for a couple of hours.

If you don't like your in laws, fine, but most young mums do. To each their own.

notanan2 Wed 12-Sep-18 23:08:24

Did I miss where the OP said she was a "young mum"?

stella1949 Thu 13-Sep-18 00:22:51

notanan2 going by her comment here and on previous posts I'd say so.

Just wondering if you live close to your inlaws how often they saw/see your kids. Mine live 10 mins away and expect once a week but I’ve been able to push it to twice a month

This is a comment by the mother of the children, not by a "gran".

paddyann Thu 13-Sep-18 00:52:52

I have one for half the week ,the others I see every other day when I visit their home to help their mum,who has multiple health issues.My middle GD also texts me regularly sometimes with problems sometimes just to say hi ,but most days ,soome days 3 or 4 times .She feels insecure because of her mothers health so I'm her security blanket .My son who lives 5 minutes away pops in most days after work ,the same as I did with my parents ,he and his partner are happy to spend time with us and I'm very happy to see them .Thats how families are surely ,they spend time together becaus ethey love each other .

M0nica Thu 13-Sep-18 08:20:13

Frequency of seeing family is as long as a piece of string, but I see warning signs when the OP says Mine live 10 mins away and expect once a week but I’ve been able to push it to twice a month. and uses 'Diktat' as a nickname.

Most parents and grandparents have the kind of relationship where words like 'expect' do not arise, they just fall into a happy arrangement. Some grandparents are providing childcare and see the children daily. and with others it is less regular.

I have no experience of close grandparenting, but DDiL's mother lives close and in the early years she was in and out all the time and DDiL and DS owe her an enormous debt of gratitude for the help she gave them.

Now the eldest DGC is in secondary school, she sees them less, but still rings and drops in regularly, in the same way they ring and drop in on her. As paddyann says, Thats how families are surely ,they spend time together because they love each other

TwiceAsNice Thu 13-Sep-18 08:28:22

I live just around the corner from grandchildren these last two years. Before that I was 150 miles away and saw them about twice a month . Nowadays I see them between 5 and7 times a week. My youngest daughter lives next door to her sister and the children are in and out of both houses every day, she is like a second mother to them. We always do something all together for the weekends and holiday together twice a year. The grandchildren come to me for tea once a week and I do some childcare in the school holidays. I know I am now very lucky to have so much contact but there is a lot of give and take between us and we too spend time together because we love each other.

grannysyb Thu 13-Sep-18 09:01:25

Mine live 15 minutes away by car. Usually see them about every 10 days or so. Rarely have to do childcare as they are 16, 15, and 11. DGS has gone to boarding school, (his choice! ) so will see him less often. DD is very good about keeping in touch, and I'm always happy to offer help when needed.

Smileless2012 Thu 13-Sep-18 09:32:44

Remembering your previous posts regarding your poor m.i.l. I'm surprised that you're allowing her to see her GC as often as twice a month.