Christmas - the dreaded C word!

I think you are being unreasonable to resent children discussing among themselves how to include you in what are clearly fairly complex Christmas arrangements.

I conferred with my sister in the similar circumstances when DF was on his own and if my DC do it sometime in the future I will be completely relaxed about it.

In every case it is a question of loving children wanting their parent to have an enjoyable Christmas with minimal hassle. What is their to get upset about?

The texting just means your children are trying to find ways to make sure you are not alone at Christmas, so I think you are over worrying about this.
Just have a think about what you want to do.

I wouldn't over think it, accept your son's invitation, Christmas Day and Boxing Day sound as if they are covered, Could you offer to take them all to a Panto or some kind of entertainment another day? Take a good book, so when you have offered to help and been turned down you have something to do. Play with your GC and remember to get up so the bed can be put away. Just enjoy a change of scene and a slightly different Christmas.

Like Smileless I also didn't get the impression that you resent her spending Xmas with your DD.
It is difficult when you find a particular personality difficult in a family. Its a minefield your DD has to negotiate as best she can especially if things get tetchy anyway with FIL and his son! As you say, lovely for your MIL to spend time with them at Xmas, presumably she is fairly used to the tetchiness.
I think your daughter meant kindly by her text to her
brother and if he is unhappy with that it is for him to speak to his sister about it. If you want to go to your son's then just go, don't overthink it and enjoy the time with them. Hope that you have a lovely time!

diamondsgirl don't see how anyone could assume from your OP that you resent your D spending Christmas for the first time with her m.i.l. Still that's LLL for you.

What ever you decide to do, I hope you have an enjoyable time.

LiveLaughLaove - nothing could be further from the truth. I really get on with DD's MiL and her new husband, it is DD's FiL I cannot really stand, and as I said with good reason. I know it is going to be tetchy with FiL and new husband anyway and of course DD's MiL should go for the first time, I think that is lovely.
It is just the text which upset me, and I suppose I have been overthinking it - since DH died I hate feeling like a spare arm, and I believe all the messages just made me feel even more of a problem to be solved than the kindness of considering me.

I too love spending Christmas alone.

Your DD and her DH want to spend Christmas with their MIL for the FISRT TIME and you've been invited, so why fish for reasons for uncessary resentment and make this all about you when she's clearly looking out for you by trying to make sure that you are not alone during the holidays? Are you sure that you're not more resentful over the fact that they have for the first time chosen to spend Christmas without you? Sounds very selfish to the paternal MIL in my opinion.

I think your AC are trying hard to show their love and care for you. Your DD knows you , like her, don't like her FiL and she is seeking a solution. She is doing the normal thing and checking what her brother or sister are doing. Try not to overthink this. They want you to be happy and with family. How lovely.

Last Christmas I was on my own. Youngest DD who lived nearest (45 minutes away) said I was welcome for the day, but I don’t have a car and public transport is a non starter on Christmas Day. The other two live 100 miles away but I could have stayed with them and was asked, but I would have had problems with travelling so far due to my deteriorating health so I ended up on my own.
Friends invited me to their house but to be honest I had never had a Christmas on my own before and really enjoyed it! I bought lovely nibbles from M&S and Waitrose, a mini bottle of champagne and watched stuff on Netflix curled up by the fire with the cat

I have a suspicion that similar emails are circulating as to my C>>>>>>>>>>>>>> dinner , personally I would rather be on my own and eat rubbish as I usually do , but on the horns of a dilemma as my sisters will be on their own and usually go where I go , as it will be the first without Jim they are all a bit sad

What do you actually want to do - if it's to go to your son's that's probably the best option especially if you're going out with your granddaughters on Boxing Day. It's difficult trying to please everyone - I'm sure the text wasn't meant to mean you're a spare parent to be foisted off on one of them - more like your daughter was worried you'd be on your own. If however you'd rather be on your own plan it out and let them know it's what you want to do for a change.

It's really up to you, but have you considered doing your own thing for Christmas this year?

Your DDs clearly are trying to accommodate everyone. If they've seen you for the past several years for Christmas it's not unreasonable for them to want to see the other side.

I also don't think it's unreasonable for her to send a message to her siblings saying, hey, we can't accommodate Mum this year, can someone else help to make sure she won't be alone?

Christmastime can be a minefield for some families. I think this is more of a thoughtful gesture of trying to ensure that you won't be alone.

Try not to feel resentful, diamondsgirl, just focus on the huge positive that your children obviously love you and want you to be happy at Christmas. And I hope you have a lovely time.