Swearing

.... and DD too young to appreciate that shit is not "polite'. But if she repeated it it may not be so good! My DD1,when a bit older, was a messy kid with food and in garden play. I often called her "disgusting" but used an affectionate tone. She, one day, hugged my mum and said after kissing her , " you're digusting Nana" ??

Thinking about it there's probably some occasions I've said worse. I just remembered walking into the living room yesterday to find that 1 year old DD had gone into the shopping bags, found the pack of gingerbread men, tore the packaging to shreds and bitten a chunk out of every single one. I laughed and you 'you little shit'. However, I think the big difference here is the level of aggression behind it, I wasn't angry at all, just quite amused, and DD was quite pleased with herself.

Mostly bloody hell, bugger or piss off to be honest. So very tame 'swear words' I suppose. I use crap a lot but don't consider that swearing. I work in a school so I'm pretty good at regulating my language. DPs a bit worse than me but wouldn't use the c word!

I find the whole concept of swear words baffling though. I think we should just accept them as normal parts of language and then people would probably use them a lot less and they wouldn't have the same connotations when they did. And kids wouldn't be so keen to copy if they weren't so taboo.

Oh golly gosh, oh my days and if things are really bad - bum. Not really just wish I was more mindful of my language. I definitely don't like the 'c' and 'f' words. It's laziness with language that with all the words at our disposal we choose to use these.

Newmom, what words do you use when you are really p*** off ? If you use all the swear words in general conversation what is left when you really need it??

Newmom101...you might be right. I think it depends on the actual swear words. If someone said "bloody hell" or something like that, I wouldn't call it "proper" swearing - but my son (and so the rest of us) don't even say those things when his kids are there - they are 7 and 4.

However, if someone said "what a f**king c*nt", that's a completely different matter. I confess that ANY swearing is fine with me when I'm with adults. My language is pretty bad. With children around, I believe it should be moderated.

Did I say it was?

It's not compulsory to stick rigidly to the topic heading, FlexibleFriend, and GNers usually don't.

I hate to hear people swearing at children - it seems to be the norm these days. I do swear but have never done it in front of my own children or their offspring and although I've heard my youngest son swear over the years he's never done it directly to me or in front of his little ones. I worked in an engineering factory for many years and heard all sorts of bad language but the lads were always respectful to me and apologised if something slipped out in front of me.

I doubt it was a one off or lighthearted in all honesty I suspect it's habit and I agree I've heard all sorts of abuse without so much as a raised voice or swear word.

To be honest it is not always what is said but how. Swearing tends to accentuate anger but I have heard parents speak hideously and abusively to their children and not swear. We have all lost our rag and yelled I am sure ..well I have... but not as a habitual mode of communication.
If the OPs grandchildren are subjected to this approach regularly and it is aggressive then I could not condone it. If it is a one off, or even said in a light-hearted way, well we all make mistakes occasionally!

Probably because the topic heading is "Swearing" not"Anger"

Why is everyone focusing on using or not using particular words?
The OP's DGC are experiencing very aggressive reactions from their mother. That is the problem.

Those of you who pride yourselves on you and yours never swearing in front of the grandchildren means nothing really except you have self control. You're not protecting them because they'll hear it everywhere, nursery, the park, school, language in the playground is appalling. My children still knew it wasn't acceptable for them to swear and adults who swore were naughty too. My children as adults choose to swear and I'm sure they'll teach their children swearing is wrong but I'm also pretty certain their kids like all kids will be exposed to swear words wherever they go, they just have to learn that just because others swear they don't need to.

Well, that sounds rather s-word.
Each to their own though.
I don't think swearing means that your child will, although I don't like to see people swearing at them.

My DS and DIL are stricter with their children than I was over bad language. None of us EVER swear in the presence of the GC, (as I never did to my children), but my DIL pulls me up over words such as "stupid" (referred to as "the s-word" in their house), and for not saying "you're welcome" when the children say thank-you!

*That is really awful.. I swear, and have nothing against it, in a person's own home - but NEVER to or in front of children!

You DIL is a disgrace.*

I don't think she's a disgrace for swearing in front of her children. Swearing at her children is pretty bad. I've sworn in front of DD, I don't think that makes me a disgrace. Her dad has as well.

The acceptance of swearing seems to be quite different across generations.

My DD works at a nursery and there are two children there, brother and sister, who are obviously used to bad language in their home, as the 'f' word is their natural response when something annoys them.
The staff have had to mention it gently to the parents, because it's not something other parents expect their children to be exposed to. Not that it has made a blind bit of difference ?

Leaving out the swearing, it sounds like your DiL speaks/shouts very aggressively and it is upsetting the children. You mention the looks on their faces.
It may be that DiL feels very much under pressure. Is there anything you can do to help, if you think that might be the case?

That is really awful.. I swear, and have nothing against it, in a person's own home - but NEVER to or in front of children!

You DIL is a disgrace.

My son and the rest of us in the family have never said a swear word when the GC has been with us. Not even "bloody" or "sod".

What does your son say about his wife using language like that to their children?

I will admit that my DD hears swear words.

Myself and DH have days where they do come out but she also hears them from my dad who's had a stroke and doesn't understand why he shouldn't say them. He's been like it since she was a few months old.

With that in mind, she has NEVER sworn in front of us, never had reports from nursery or school that she has done it and we've never been told by family that she has done while in their care.

She knows we shouldn't say them and I point it out everytime I say them, but there's also outside influences like those in the high street or park.

Our society seems to have a greater acceptance of swearing. We see comedians use it as comedy rather than offensive and so on.

This situation largely depends on how well you get on with your daughter-in-law. If you have a good relationship, then tell her that her language is inappropriate, and that she will have the problem of her children swearing at school, which will be complained about.
Is it just the swearing, or her anger ... or both?
If you don't get on, then I would have a word with your son. He will already know what's going on in the house, and obviously hasn't been brought up with this sort of language.
Your concerns will focus his attention. Then leave it to him to sort out.

I do not think most young parents swear and abuse their children in that way flexible though I know a number do! I am not sure what OP can do about it other than maybe say something to her son. Is DiL under great stress, unwell etc which may be causing her to respond in an OTT way to her children's minor annoying behaviour? Does not sound a healthy environment for the children.

You can't tell your AC or ACIL how to parent. Full stop.

What you CAN do is be a positive presence for the GC. Don't allow swearing in your own home.

We all use the occasional swear word in frustration, casual use is going to result in a very badly parented child who will live life by those standards.
As a grandparent if the children swear all you can do is correct them when the are in your care