Swearing

Where is your son in all this? Does she do it when he is present or only when he is not there? I had a mother like her and very quickly learned to ignore her verbal abuse. I never loved her.

Yes your son should speak to her about this inappropriate language. Sadly nowadays people seem to use the 'F' word almost as a matter of course. Perhaps you could say something in the context of it being a problem if the children repeat this at school or nursery. Look for alternatives to swear words etc.

Its not juts the inappropriate language here that is worrying its the out of proportion response to the infringement - it sounded so violent and angry. Poor little chap. I really think you need to speak with your son and DIL.

I hear this all the time when I'm out and about. It's awful.

Younger people seem more relaxed about swearing than the older generation but if she's a good mum and generally loving towards him he won't be harmed by a few swear words. If she's an habitual swearer her husband will already be well aware of it because she'll do it when he's around too. You may not approve but what will you achieve by voicing your disapproval? Probably less contact so leave it be.

I could understand if something major had been done such as spilling paint over a living room carpet but tripping over a child's legs is so trivial to me that it's not even worth a mutter when you have children . Their mother doesn't sound to be a very happy bunny whatever the reason.

For the sake of not causing trouble I would think it best to speak to your son, not your DIL. Yes it may be her behaviour, but she's likely to react worse to you having a word with her than him.

The F word is used willy-nilly, not necessarily in anger, but in normal conversation. It's horrible to listen to. If my AC use it in my presence, I have no hesitation in telling them off.

My children were horrified when they heard a friend use the 'F' word to his mother when they were teenagers. They still remember it to this day.

That’s horrible op. I am an awful swearer but never ever around children. It’s so awful and you do hear it out and about. I heard a mum recently shout at her child ‘have you pissed yourself again ‘ hideous.

My adult kids occasionally swear but again never in front of their children or neices/nephews.

I did once under much duress tell my oldest then 16 to ‘fuck off’ snd it rocked the house and to b honest we all laughed. Diffused the situation of a stroppy teen.

What does your son think? Also agree with other posters this is so trivial and such vile anger???

There’s a huge difference between swearing AT kids and swearing in their hearing. Mum cursed at us constantly. Dad is a curser too but it was more like an “oh f*” if he dropped something, not in anger. That never bothered us (although we absolutely did pick the habit up and i have t9 make huge efforts not to do it around my own littles).

But in your OP, she was absolutely cursing and shouting at the kids, which is really not okay.

Yes there is a difference Muffin

if that was me . i would say something like dont use that language in front of the gc. its not nice. maybe she needs some anger management courses...speak to you son first...

We all use the occasional swear word in frustration, casual use is going to result in a very badly parented child who will live life by those standards.
As a grandparent if the children swear all you can do is correct them when the are in your care

You can't tell your AC or ACIL how to parent. Full stop.

What you CAN do is be a positive presence for the GC. Don't allow swearing in your own home.

I do not think most young parents swear and abuse their children in that way flexible though I know a number do! I am not sure what OP can do about it other than maybe say something to her son. Is DiL under great stress, unwell etc which may be causing her to respond in an OTT way to her children's minor annoying behaviour? Does not sound a healthy environment for the children.

This situation largely depends on how well you get on with your daughter-in-law. If you have a good relationship, then tell her that her language is inappropriate, and that she will have the problem of her children swearing at school, which will be complained about.
Is it just the swearing, or her anger ... or both?
If you don't get on, then I would have a word with your son. He will already know what's going on in the house, and obviously hasn't been brought up with this sort of language.
Your concerns will focus his attention. Then leave it to him to sort out.

I will admit that my DD hears swear words.

Myself and DH have days where they do come out but she also hears them from my dad who's had a stroke and doesn't understand why he shouldn't say them. He's been like it since she was a few months old.

With that in mind, she has NEVER sworn in front of us, never had reports from nursery or school that she has done it and we've never been told by family that she has done while in their care.

She knows we shouldn't say them and I point it out everytime I say them, but there's also outside influences like those in the high street or park.

Our society seems to have a greater acceptance of swearing. We see comedians use it as comedy rather than offensive and so on.

That is really awful.. I swear, and have nothing against it, in a person's own home - but NEVER to or in front of children!

You DIL is a disgrace.

My son and the rest of us in the family have never said a swear word when the GC has been with us. Not even "bloody" or "sod".

What does your son say about his wife using language like that to their children?

Leaving out the swearing, it sounds like your DiL speaks/shouts very aggressively and it is upsetting the children. You mention the looks on their faces.
It may be that DiL feels very much under pressure. Is there anything you can do to help, if you think that might be the case?

My DD works at a nursery and there are two children there, brother and sister, who are obviously used to bad language in their home, as the 'f' word is their natural response when something annoys them.
The staff have had to mention it gently to the parents, because it's not something other parents expect their children to be exposed to. Not that it has made a blind bit of difference ?

*That is really awful.. I swear, and have nothing against it, in a person's own home - but NEVER to or in front of children!

You DIL is a disgrace.*

I don't think she's a disgrace for swearing in front of her children. Swearing at her children is pretty bad. I've sworn in front of DD, I don't think that makes me a disgrace. Her dad has as well.

The acceptance of swearing seems to be quite different across generations.

My DS and DIL are stricter with their children than I was over bad language. None of us EVER swear in the presence of the GC, (as I never did to my children), but my DIL pulls me up over words such as "stupid" (referred to as "the s-word" in their house), and for not saying "you're welcome" when the children say thank-you!

Well, that sounds rather s-word.
Each to their own though.
I don't think swearing means that your child will, although I don't like to see people swearing at them.