flight booked and going to see my grandkids for Christmas

You know your own family and expect them to be different once you are there. It sounds from what you say that they are a 'normal', stressed-out family, with loads going on in their busy lives. Add new baby and home improvements and I'd suspect the children are probably repeating the short shrift 'you're interrupting me' from those stressed out parents. Perhaps when you usually visit they expend quite a lot of energy looking after you. This is a main complaint from friends of ours who now live abroad, that visitors from UK forget they have to go to work and also expect to be waited on/given the tour/paid for etc. Not to mention the increased laundry, cooking and so on.
Having said all that, I think you should go. What your DS has said is only that he can't put you up - quite reasonably given the circumstances. So don't expect to stay with them AT ALL and book yourself nearby accommodation for the full stay. Insist on getting yourself to and from the airport. If he's a busy chef they may live in a city in Canada so there should be plenty to do. Your existing DGC are only 6 and 7. Investigate fun places you can take them out for the day to leave the new third-time parents alone for a bit. If you have the finances and can arrange it, let them have a 'sleepover' with you. Rebuild your relationship with the children and concentrate on letting them enjoy some relaxed family time again with you. Take lots of pictures to remind them of the fun time the 3 of you had. Christmas is a good time to visit because the parents should get a least a tiny bit of leave, if only Christmas Day, and you can call in a few times briefly during the break with lots of food, tidy/wash up a bit if required, admire new DGC ... and then leave. Maybe you could take them out for Christmas lunch, for a Christmas present, or cook it all for them, to give your DS a break from the kitchen? You alone know what will be helpful and what you can afford. In the end, if all is as horrendous as you fear, prepare some things you can do mostly alone and look upon it as a brief visit to them to see 3 lovely DGC and an extended holiday for you. At least you will have made the effort to see them without putting them to any trouble. But, if you know you wouldn't want to look after yourself, and your visit will create a lot of work for them, then don't go yet.

Don't go! It doesn't sound as if you're welcome - even by the grandchildren. Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh. But you don't want to put yourself into a situation that's uncomfortable - and potentially miserable for you. Cut your losses, and wait until they invite you to spend some time with them.

Plan a Happy Christmas here. I'm sure that once you've taken this step, you'll breathe a huge sigh of relief.

It sounds like they have a lot going on and at an already busy time of year. Most of all expecting a baby over christmas is stressful, let alone it being due over christmas!

I'd think about just doing a short trip and staying in the air b'n'b. Maybe going out a few days before christmas and returning a couple days after.

Are you still out there, Brownsgirl as you’ve made no response since you posted? I think you have already answered your question when you say “My flight is booked and I am going but I am not comfortable”.
If you are not comfortable, listen to this inner voice. Your son has made it clear you can’t stay with them all the time, due to too much stress so you are booking b & b. I think he is hinting quite heavily that this is not the best time for you to go, and in your heart, I think you know this,too.
Is it possible to rearrange your flight for a time next year, Spring or Summer, when things should have settled a little for your son and dil. This would make it a much more relaxed time for you all. I fear that if you go now, you will all have an unhappy time and it may have undesirable repercussions. Think carefully before you get on that plane. Good luck.

Thanks for all the input. I am going as can not change that . However I am going to book in somewhere nearby . To be fair I think it is my son that is stressed more than anyone . The last baby he was phoning me at work and telling me how hard it was and that he couldn’t cope . I had to calm him down and the next text was to say baby had arrived and all good. Atleast have a chance to be closer if that happens again . LolMy daughter in law asked me to stay till kids back to school in January so that was why I booked longer stay. I want to help as much as possible which is why I am going as I realise Christmas is a lot of work. The other reason I am going is because of my extended family who live there too. My wee great niece died recently and her grandma , my ex sister in law, is very glad I am coming over . Can’t stay with them as a hard Christmas but as we talk a lot to each other on a weekly bases. It will be good to see her . This of course has overshadowed my whole trip and Christmas for whole family. I am sure all will work out okay when I am there and I have quite a few friends there I can meet up for coffee with in between times as I used to live there.

? I think it's called drip feeding on Mumsnet.

Sounds like it will be fine Brownsgirl. Go and enjoy yourself.

My daughter in law asked me to stay till kids back to school in January so that was why I booked longer stay.
It will be fine - just be guided by your DIL how much or how little she wants you to help.

And you have other people to visit if you think they need a bit of family time on their own.

That makes sense now. Go and enjoy your new grandchild - and the others. Happy Christmas!

Yes this all sounds much more positive now so go and enjoy the time with your family. Safe travels and I hope all goes well with the birth.

maybe going will give them time to go out while you child sit ,maybe you are just what they need. this generation are often abrupt when talking to people on skype or whatever.while you are there make sure you go out too, spending 24/7 with them is not a good idea.they might be glad of your help.just go...just dont expect too much from them...

Have a lovely time !!

Just do what your DIL says & everything will be fine!

I would cancel. No way could I see Christmas having any significant meaning for you or your family. They will probably do a bit of Christmas for the two older GC but everything will likely be scaled down. If you are there they may feel obliged to do it all even if you help. Give them breathing space and visit later on.

Just do what your DIL says & everything will be fine!
Yes - that's the way to go!

Talk directly to her, not to your DS.

When I visited my family overseas earlier this year I elected to stay at nearby Air Bnb.
Definitely a wise choice and it is what I will do next time.
Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

Thank you all for advice. My son said he sent message about the trip and I must have deleted it. Checked and checked..no message. However is all sorted. I am going and staying in an Airbnb near them while kids still in school and then on the 23rd move to their house and stay till kids go back to school . Their house renovations are on the last few days. My daughter in law has finished work and son is less stressed. I am just glad got sorted. Sometimes my son and daughter in law tell me they have been clear with what they say but it’s not to me and being hard of hearing makes it worse as I can only ask them so many times . Even though I have a son who grew up with me being deaf constantly forgets!

Just a thought Brownsgirl you say your son is a chef,
so christmas and the run up to it will be very busy indeed.
It could be that your son and Dil would very greatful for an extra pair of hands and someone to provide meals and prepare and cook christmas dinner.

I would think hotel/ motel or B&B accommodation at christmas would probably be very scarce and expensive.

I'm not sure how you would feel re hiring a car, I drive but would not be very confident driving in a Canadian winter even with tyre chains.
(Would quite like to give a snow mobile a go ?)

Just an update. I am here visiting my family. The air b n b is great. However I was needed the day after I arrived . Had to stay two nights with the kids as baby arrived on my second night here. All doing well and my new grandson is beautiful. I was first grandparent to hold him and it was lovely as my son put him in my arms the morning after he was born. I am having a lovely time and my grandkids pleased I am here. Nice having my own space too to stay and it’s a lovely self catering wee flat . My fears and apprehensions about the trip were unfounded . My son and his wife were just way to stressed and now baby three is here they are relaxing again.

Brilliant! Congratulations! Enjoy x

Pleased that it all worked out for you Browngirl.
Congratulations on your new Grandson.

Thanks for taking the time to update us Brownsgirl , and congratulations on your new grandson. There's something very special about holding grandchild for the first time.

A lot of posters start a thread about something that's bothering them, get lots of advice, but never come back to tell us what happened - lovely when they do, like you.

That's lovely, congratulations!

Oh that's wonderful news - and congratulations on the safe arrival of the baby. Enjoy your stay and Merry Christmas!