Dil won’t let me be grandma

I hope you won't be offended, but it does come across that you might try to 'take over' a bit, if given the chance?
Apologies if I'm wrong, but do you think that could be the underlying issue?
One persons idea of what's best may be vastly different to anothers.

I’ll be seeing them Christmas afternoon. And for dinner. So I won’t be able to pop by in the morning if my dil has her way.

My home is very clean. Cleaner than hers! She has no reason to keep me away other than the fact that she doesn’t like me. She has called me overbearing in the post due to advice I was giving her. Every time I offer advice she takes it as criticism. But I just want what’s best for my grandson.

Do you smoke?
Have you got pets?
Is your house clean?
Are you clean ?
Sorry if it appears blunt but any or all of the above could be the reason why they will not bring baby round.
If it's none of the above then they obviously for some reason and I'm sure deep down you must know why they don't want you near their baby , or themselves.

Her child her rules apply,just support her and offer help when needed and things will improve ,Dont insist on "my grandchild" he's THEIR son and I'm sure you wanted to be the one who brought up YOUR son Your way so try to understand where you're going wrong and step back

Why do you need “time alone” with your GC? If I was the mum that would ring alarm bells with me.

Just a thought, if you are only 2 minutes away from them could you just ask if it's ok for you to pop for a short visit, with the presents, on Christmas morning. That way you would still get to see them.

I would be wary of bringing this to a head at present, you are seeing your GC albeit not as often as you would like. Christmas is always a difficult one regarding moving small children from their own homes, you could have one more go at asking your son what is happening then but be prepared for him to stand by his wife's decision. I note her mother is not doing any childcare when GC goes to Nursery so this is obviously the parent's choice and nothing to do with her feelings about you. She will always turn to her own mum first. I think a lot of us think we are going to be a huge part of our Gc's lives but the reality is different, take it slowly and enjoy your DGC when you are with her.

Perhaps your dil feels like you are trying to take over though. You have put that she intends to keep "My grandchild" at home on Christmas morning , booked "My grandchild" into daycare and, that you haven't taken him to his baby class. Of course he is " your grandchild " but, he is their son

My husband and I are both retired - we live about 2 minutes away. We could walk over if we wanted but are always told she is busy or has people over and told to come when our son is home.

We see them maybe twice a month.

Everything we say or do is met with a no. We haven’t even taken him to the park! Or to his baby classes. Nothing.

And when dil wants to get a haircut or run errands she always asks her mother or her friends.

Oh Sadgranma, I'm assuming that you are talking about your daughter-in-law, mother of your darling grandchild.

I think most new mum's tend to gravitate towards their own parents in the early days, it's where she will feel most comfortable.

I do think most new parents are concerned about pictures being posted on social media sites, I think it's because the photos are often used and altered by paedophiles (apologies if I've got that wrong).

Both of my daughters now have little ones and, since the children were born, they have stayed in their own homes for Christmas day. Try to remember, they are building their own little family, making happy memories, just like we did.

All of my grandchildren have spent time in Daycare and, as long as your ds and dil have chosen a good one, it will be an enriching experience for your cherished grandchild.

Please try to step back a little and, with time and patience on all sides, I'm sure you will be able to build a lovely relationship with the baby

I'm sorry to hear this Sadgranma, It's an all too familiar situation with DIL's sadly so you are not alone. What is your sons take on it all?
I have 2 DIL's and one little GD and am so fortunate to be involved in her life and we all get on fine, it's not too much to ask to see your grandchildren and it astounds me that so many DIL's especially want to make this almost impossible for grandparents.
Did you get on ok before the baby, is her attitude the norm or something new now she has become a mum?

I don't know what the answer is I wish I knew, I would say speak to your son if you have a good relationship but try to keep calm and continue to offer support. I don't see my grandaugher as often as I would like too but I work and appreciate that they have their own lives too so I look after her once a week and baby sit in between if needed.
I won't deny mummy was a bit reluctant to leave her in the early days but now she's back at work she is only too happy to have the help, hopefully things will settle down but I understand how sad this must make you ?