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Grandparenting

Baby shower

(26 Posts)
TA62 Fri 30-Nov-18 08:50:36

New to Gransnet and Ismile am finding the discussions very interesting.I am soon to become a grandmother! My son's girl friend is having a baby shower arranged by her mother. Not sure how I should feel as not received an invite. Would have been nice to be included, but I don't know then very well.

Nanabilly Fri 30-Nov-18 08:55:07

Maybe her family think you might do your own baby shower as that is what happens in my extended family. The pregnant female I'm thinking of had 3 ..one with her mum and family ..one with baby's daddies family and one with friends.
So greedy in my opinion but then again I never attend as I know I've only been invited so she gets another present.

Maggiemaybe Fri 30-Nov-18 09:11:49

Goodness, I’ve never heard of anyone having more than one baby shower! shock

I was invited to my daughter’s but not to my daughter-in-law’s, and didn’t think anything of it. In my experience they’re usually first and foremost for friends of the mum-to-be to have a get-together, with older family members sometimes invited as an afterthought.

Welcome to GN, by the way, TA62, and many congratulations on your impending grandmotherhood! flowers

Sarahmob Fri 30-Nov-18 09:20:27

Congratulations on your impending GC. My DD refused to have a baby shower and warned all of her female friends and relatives NOT to organise one. I was really pleased as I see them as an expectation that you will turn up with an (expensive) gift for the baby which you will be expected to repeat when the baby is actually born. I could hardly wait to greet my DGS with the presents that I had carefully selected but was so pleased that there were no ‘expectations’.

Granarchist Fri 30-Nov-18 14:06:35

a friend of my DD is organising a surprise baby shower for her. DD has strong views on them (not keen - hates people spending money on things unneccesarily and all her baby stuff will be hand me downs or 2nd hand) but the friend is American and v v kind so none of us want to upset her . Eldest sibling has suggested a hamper of cheese and alcohol - I am invited and will bring cake!

GrannyGravy13 Fri 30-Nov-18 14:38:30

My D went into Labour the morning her friends arranged her “baby shower” they had a nice cosy pub lunch, whilst we were in the Labour room 😱😱😱

TA62 Fri 30-Nov-18 15:13:17

Thank you all for taking the time to add a comment. I really respect your insight and wisdom that is gained from (what I consider the best) experience. I feel that I need to keep a balanced perspective as I wear this new hat.
Many thanks for the kind words.

EllanVannin Fri 30-Nov-18 15:18:35

An invitation wouldn't have gone amiss.

PECS Fri 30-Nov-18 16:07:12

Baby Showers used to be little things like baby lotion, cotton wool etc. often held at a workplace when someone was leaving to go on Mat Leave and aiming to provide 'consumable' stuff to see you through the first few weeks!!! Now I understand that they are much more elaborate affairs. Not been to one except for work colleagues years ago and DDs never had them so no idea on the current expectations!

Soupy Fri 30-Nov-18 17:51:28

TA62 I feel that you should have been invited regardless.
Although I don't like the idea of baby showers I feel it is rude to exclude one half of the future baby's close family.

I have recently become a granny and have been amazed at the number of gifts given pre birth. I've always waited and sent a gift afterwards. DD didn't want a baby shower but a group of close friends took her out for a surprise Afternoon Tea, which she loved.

Purpledaffodil Fri 30-Nov-18 18:43:16

DD didn’t want one for many of the reasons already posted. Her close friends arranged a Non shower at her house with M and S sandwiches and a cake. They had a lovely catchup afternoon. And not a silly game in sight! 🤣

BlueBelle Fri 30-Nov-18 19:11:56

Never been to one never known anyone who’s given one think they are just another addition of unnecessary consumerism like Mother’s Day cards for aunts uncles and the woman down the road

TA62 Fri 30-Nov-18 19:21:37

Appreciate all you responses. I do feel that a baby shower is another American intrusion on our own traditions. I agree Soupy, I did feel it's rude to exclude one half of the future babies close family as they have chosen to have one. As Ellanvannin said "an invite wouldn't have gone amiss"

Jobey68 Fri 30-Nov-18 20:15:34

Of course you should have been invited, it's very rude of them not to include you regardless of how well they know you. I went to my DIL's as did other members of our side of the family, I am actually hosting my nieces tomorrow and many on both sides have been invited.

notanan2 Fri 30-Nov-18 20:32:40

The baby showers I have been to have had a similar guest list to hen dos: friends & maybe mum & sisters. Theyre not really extended family dos in my experience.

notanan2 Fri 30-Nov-18 20:36:16

Its a last chance to have a proper get together with friends before motherhood. Its not a wedding where you invite everyone from both sides.

Its not for your grandson. Its for the mum to be. Only people close to her should be there.

Iam64 Fri 30-Nov-18 21:07:07

I was anti baby showers till I went to a few and found them happy, friendly places. My daughters had them. One was just for very close friends, no parents/grans. The other was for close friend and family, including maternal and paternal grannies to be. Try not to feel upset about not being invited. It's an odd and developing 'tradition'

Chucky Sat 01-Dec-18 13:13:44

I would not go to one as I think these type of things are just another money/present grabbing excuse. I have a set amount of money I use for baby presents and refuse to increase it, meaning I would have to give 2 smaller gifts rather than 1 larger gift. My niece had 2 and think she just about invited everyone she knew, never mind close friends and relatives. Both were in room of local hotel meaning everyone had to buy own drink. Food was a few trays of sandwiches from Morrisons so there wasn’t much outlay for amount of presents received. The photos of gifts were put on Facebook and was literally obscene and I don’t think that they could all possibly be used. My 2 dds refused to have them or go to their cousin’s one as they too think that it is just an excuse to get 2 presents off people. Think yourself lucky you weren’t invited.

notanan2 Sat 01-Dec-18 16:11:56

Well I LOVE a baby shower. Am delighted to be invited. I tend to bring treats for the mum to be to the shower and an outfit for baby after the birth.
If there is no shower I will usually bring some treats for the post partum mum along with a baby outfit then.
Costs me no extra

SueDonim Sat 01-Dec-18 19:10:56

My dd reluctantly had a baby shower. Her friends were really keen for it to happen. I hosted it and the other granny and aunties-to-be came too.

There was nothing ostentious in the gifts, just useful things such as babygrows, blankets, a 'starter' nappy changing kit and so on.

I asked dd if people also send another gift once the baby is born but she said no, not generally. So really, they are gifts that would have been given anyway but they are received prior to the birth. In some ways, that's more useful as the new mum will know just what she already has for the baby, instead of ending up with thirty seven babygros and no blankets!

debbie1957uk Sun 02-Dec-18 03:06:53

I was not invited to my sons partners baby shower even though her mother and sister in law were.I was disappointed not to be asked and It caused a few words between the three of us.I would not have gone but still think I should have had an invitation.

sukie Sun 02-Dec-18 04:23:44

Welcome TA62 and congratulations on your upcoming gc. I'd be a bit hurt too but from experience, I'd say to let it go. The shower is probably for close friends and family and they didn't want you to feel pressure to attend. I'd not bring it up with son or gf either. Sometimes, the less said, the better.

absent Sun 02-Dec-18 05:56:12

My feeling is that it is best to give a gift to the baby once she/he has been been born. It's also nice to give a gift to mum who has done all the work, even if it just moisturiser for her feet, her body or her face, a pot plant or her favourite chocolate.

If things go wrong – and, sadly, sometimes they do, it must be hard enough for the parents to view the "nursery", pram, buggy, clothes, nappies and so on that they have accumulated for this great event. How much harder must it be to have a heap of loving presents with nowhere to go from friends and family?

Juggernaut Sun 02-Dec-18 14:02:03

My DDiL had a surprise baby shower, organised by friends.
It was a lovely occasion, with most people taking small presents. I bought a 'Shnuggle' baby bath and filled it with lotions, baby sized natural sponges, towels, cotton wool roll, safety cotton buds etc. Also put a few 'Mummy Treats' in there; hand cream, lip balm, foot cream and a bag of Prosecco flavoured sweeties!
We played games, with everyone providing a baby photo of themselves and guests having to guess who was who, guess the baby's arrival date, weight, colouring and so on.
We all had a great afternoon, sandwiches, pies, chicken drumsticks, salads, trifle, cake with lots of tea or coffee.
I'm not a fan of huge baby showers, but a small 'do' such as DDiL had is wonderful!
DGS arrived late, so none of us guessed the right date, but I got his colouring right, and was only one ounce off his birth weight, he was enormous!

TA62 Sun 02-Dec-18 16:49:59

Just like to say...thankyou! What a lovely conversational thread, each person able to put their opinion forward without any unkind comments. Each one of you had helped my thought process and I am sure that I will need you all again as I journey through the new chapter of my life.