My Grandson is scared of me!

I agree with those who say keep visiting, but ignore your grandson, make a big fuss of your son and DIL.
Hopefully the little lad will come round in the end.

Actually the original post seems to have taken a different turn.

The OP was upset because her grandson was frightened of her. Any book on child development will tell you this is a perfectly normal phase for a toddler. They become frightened of all sorts of things. It’s an intellectual development from living in the moment to awareness of what might happen. And several posters have tried to reassure her.

But then it turned into “Im not getting my fair share etc”.

I don’t think you’re being very reasonable OP.

Sometimes you have to work and don’t see your grandson. That’s fine. But you’re hurt when he reacts to because he doesn’t recognise you? A couple of weeks is a long time in toddler world.
You’re upset because his other grandparents are retired and can spend more time with him. Lucky them. Why not? Or should they not see him so much because you can’t so as to make it “fair’?

I’m sorry but you are coming over as the possessive one. She took him away from you when he cried and comforted him herself? Seems reasonable to me. She is his mum,

At much the same age my very sociable, people loving young son suddenly became people phoebic and clung to me and wouldn't be parted from me. It is fairly par for the course at that age.

DGS between the ages of 30 months to four years, was utterly indifferent to me. He would do a body swerve around me to get to his grandfather. He grew out of it.

We are all grown-ups, very experienced grown-ups, why on earth is your sense of self worth based on how a very small child reacts to you?

Relax, visit less if it is too difficult. My DGC live 200 miles away, we see them every couple of months, yet it is quite clear they love us dearly and look forward to both our visits to them and theirs to us. The other grandmother lives 2 miles away and sees much more of them than we do and they love her too.

Whenever you visit, visit a charity shop first and find a toy for him. Oxfam shops are good for this. He will welcome you. Yes, it's cupboard love, but what the heck. When they are out the door with plastic crap it can all be recycled back to the shop.

We are all grown-ups, very experienced grown-ups, why on earth is your sense of self worth based on how a very small child reacts to you?

Phrased so much better than my outburst.

oldbatty we all have bad days

oldbatty, but you quote only one sentence from my post. Overall my post was longer than yours, so the rest I wrote was too wordy.

Lay off the big squishy nanny cuddles - some children hate this!

Unfortunately inside your head you are making this into a bigger problem than it’s need be and it’s all become a competion, ‘they do this, they do that, we only get the dregs, they have all the photos’, I m sorry to say jealousy is overtaking you
It’s very rare for both sets of grandparents to get equal shares in a grandchild and more likely than not the maternal grandparents will be the closest, that’s life
This little boy may be sensitive to your feelings and will pick up the vibes which is why he’s relaxed with your husband and not with you
It may all change when he’s older but the one thing you can’t do is over force the situation and make it into a big old competition with the parents and the other grandparents

My DGD couldn't stand the sight of me for 2 to 3 years. She would cry buckets if her mum and dad brought her to our house. DH was slightly more favoured but she couldn't stand me. You should see us now. We love each over to bits and have done for many many years. Your little one is just young and a bit nervous. Forget about other grandparents it doesn't matter at this stage if one is favoured over the other. When your little one grows up a bit he will enjoy spending time with you. Don't force it. As others have suggested, be more laid back. Play with toys on your own whilst chatting to his mum and dad. Try not to read too much into this, all kids go through these little periods it's part of finding their feet and growing up.

Izabella Lovely idea!

And an alternative that I have seen work well is have a little toy in a pocket that makes a noise - a bell, a whirry toy or similar ..activate it in your pocket without any comment, when it stops leave a minute then do it again, whilst just carrying on a conversation and not taking any notice of grandson. Worth a try; most youngsters cant resist!!

We used to have the same thing. Only meeting in cafes etc and granddaughter very shy and reserved. Her mum was very protective of her. That all changed when the second one came along. Suddenly our help was just as vital as the other grandparents and mum was much more relaxed. Things are wonderful now. Have patience.

1. This is not your immediate family. This is your EXTENDED family. You don't have the right to dictate how often they must see you.

2. It is entirely normal for a child this age to be wary of strangers, even GPs.

3. How much time the other grands get is none of your business.

agnurse dictate is an unfair description of what the OP is saying!!

She s not saying how much time they get is her business, just that she personally finds the balance hard and she personally would love to have more time! She is not trying to dictate how much time, she is just being honest about her own desire. She absolutely has "the right" to feel that, it is human and understandable!!

Yes it is normal for a child this age to be wary of others; so what! The OP is upset by what is quite extreme wariness and it is clear from her post that she is looking fort help and understanding in how to build a relationship where that wariness lessens.

Many people would describe their children as immediate family and iot would not be heard as possessiveness or whatever, just a description

I am unclear why you seem so annoyed by what is an honest post and why you seem to think that the OP has no right to express her feelings!

Hi Armoria
Have you tried ignoring your grandson but doing something fun and intersting that will tempt him to watch and eventually join in?
For example....
You say your grandson is fine with your DH
Ask your DH to walk around the garden holding your grandson's hand when your grandson seems settled walk on the other side of your husband and chat to your husband about the insects flowers etc but not directly to your grandson.
If your grandson is calm and focused move away and perhaps exclaim 'Wow, what is this? Pointing to something...
It could be ladybird or a previously hidden treat.
Children are very inquisitive and will want to check it out.
if it has gone well, follow with lets see what else's we can find.

When your grandson and husband are playing cars pick up a few (or bring a couple of new ones) and start to play over the other side of the room without talking directly to your grandson making the game sound fun ask your DH if wants to join in, hopefully your grandson will watch what you are doing and want to join in.

Good luck

Madgran77

It sounds as if OP is saying "Well, the OTHER grands get x, y, and z. It's not FAAAAIR!!!" Really sounds quite childish. How many times did you all hear your children say, "But so-and-so gets to do/go to/wear/see/have x, y, and z. It's not FAAAAIR!" What was your response then?

If they only see GC once a week, I'm not surprised he is wary of them. Many children are wary of "strangers" at this age. I wonder if possibly OP is projecting her feelings about DIL onto GC.

My daughter was frightened of her GF . We think he used to hold her too close. When she was about 18 months old he bought her a wheelbarrow and they were firm friends ever after. My advice is to visit your daughter but try to ignore your GS. he will get used to you in time.

Stopping visiting won't help achieve an improvement in the relationship
Continue visiting, continue to be pleasant, take a back seat, and don't criticise his mother's parenting, even in your head.

Body language is far more powerful than you think, and young children are very sensitive to it.

How different our attitudes can be!
We all seem to agree this is likely to be a “phase”
We may also be thinking “Don’t fall into the trap of comparing access with the other GPS, that way madness lies.
But
If they only see GC once a week, I'm not surprised he is wary of them. Many children are wary of "strangers" at this age I am gobsmacked that agnurse can write “only” and “once a week” in the same sentence and then suggest the child regards granny as a “stranger”
Many of us see our grandchildren considerably less frequently, once a month if even, perhaps or at irregular intervals.
I think how the parents treat the grandparents makes a huge difference. If mummy is genuinely happy to see granny and grandpa the child will pick this up.
Littlest DGS(2 1/2) commented on the picture of my late DH I keep as my screensaver “That’s Granpop” he announced. “I love Granpop”
DH died a year ago when DGS was only 18 months and sadly was not able to spend as much time with the little fellow as we would have wished, but I give my DD credit for keeping his memory alive, albeit from pictures and perhaps anecdotes.

I wonder if the Mum had a rough time , some depression perhaps, compounded by the fact that the little on was ill. It is terrifying. I think its great that Mum and child have a strong bond.

I think this is DIL’s child oldBatty
The daughter’s children are older.

Sorry, misread your post OB - ignore!

Oh if only I could but bringing him toys is now frowned upon as he has enough but if I do want to buy something I need to phone first and to let them know the details such as what it is, what size is it, if it's painted is it paint or stained and they will then give the ok or not. Books have to be new and again have to tell them the title to make sure it is suitable. No second hand soft toys either.

Your GS is most likely picking up vibes from his mum, who has long been reluctant for you to be closer than she likes. It would be sensible for you to allow him to see you on close, friendly terms with your DiL. Also, consider why it is that the child has no issue with your DH. How does he behave when he comes through the door of their house, compared to the way you greet them?