My Grandson is scared of me!

I’d guess he’s picking up on the ‘vibe’ when his grandparents visit, and will also sense who’s tense and not being natural. I’d say you’ll have to let him come round in his own time, hard though that may be.

Thank you for all the positive and negative comments. The crying and screaming phase has been going on now for well over 12 months. I have pretty much tried a lot of your suggestions. I have tried ignoring him, I have tried playing with something across the room, I have not tried to pick him up or cuddle him or forced myself on him etc etc. Absolutely nothing works. Can't remember saying anything to upset Daughter in Law and if I had my son would have told me so in no uncertain terms.

By the looks of it I will just have to ride it out and hopefully one day he will come round.

It sounds as though in the past you took him off parents (becuase you were asked). But my Mum babysat neice and around 2 she screamed every time she saw her becuase she thought she would take her again? It's all better now but remember mum was upset about it. Am sure it's a phase and not the fact his parents have chosen not to take him to nursery and care for him themselves.

It will work out eventually Armoria, I'm sure.

I agree....'backing off' isn't an option if you love your grandchildren. Mine live 200 miles away so we don't see them as often as we'd like, but when we do, its intense and how I like it. My son and his partner know then can just hand the kids over and chill out for a few days - I would hate it any other way

this is just a phase.my gd was the same .i would walk in the room and she would cry and make straight for mummy. i just used to sit on the chair/sofa and read a childs book out loud.she came to look and then when i looked up she went back to mummy's legs. totally ignoring gc. she was age 3 when she finally started to accompany her brother up to my home.. but it took time .and you must be patient they will do it in their own time. please refrain from wanting to hug him. some kids are different these days. different generation ,no children are alike....i know it hurts ,but just carrying on doing things ,.....it will come when he wants to hold your hand.

Having read the OP and your subsequent posts it occurs to me that perhaps the wee chap, at a subconscious level, associates you with taking him away from Mummy. It seems that when you visited in earlier days you took him out and away from Mum to let her have a rest, which was a good thing to do, but perhaps when he sees you he feels that you have come to take him away again.

My DGS (but not the 2 DGDs) was stuck like a limpet to our DD when he was 2/3. Screamed, kicked and struggled when anyone, even his dad, tried to take him away. By the time he was 4 he was happy to be left at nursery or at our house, because he had grasped the idea that he would see Mum again soon.

Armoria - hang in there. Don't try to engage him. It will pass. Maybe sit on the sofa away from him with an interesting toy, or an iPad with his favourite cartoon on or chocolate....
IMO you should talk strategy through with DiL, maybe on the phone.
Good luck

Why don't you "back off" oldbatty - you have said nothing remotely useful just hurtful.
I think Buffybee's post is right on the money. Follow her advice and your grandson will come round in time.
I wish you well Armoria.

When my son was about 4 he suddenly started crying or even screaming whenever I smiled at him, and said I was a monster. I was very very upset and hurt by this. He was OK if I didn't smile.
As I was only ever a nice mummy to him I don't know why he did this. I was a young and even pretty woman then and looking at old photos I had a nice smile. (Modesty!)
After a couple of weeks he stopped this and became my loving son which he still is nearly 50 years later.

it's separation anxiety, mentally he thinks you're going to take his parents' (attention) away from him. He'll grow out of it soon. Meanwhile let him come to you

Don't take it personally, at 22 months children understand very little. It may be something as silly as a small blemish on your face that has upset him. My grandson when he was about the age yours is now suddenly became terrified of his great grandmother as he noticed her face was uneven after her stroke. With an older child you can explain it, a younger one just notices something "not quite right". Like someone said, don't approach him just let him watch you for a few visits until he realises everyone else is happy to interact with you in a friendly way, and he should start to relax.

I have a similar thing with the other grandparents always put first, down to the walls and fridge being plastered with photos of DiL’s family but absolutely none of us. They go on holiday with all her family at least three times a year and Christmas is always at one or other of her family’s homes, consequently we are driving up and down the M3 on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day as I also want to spend some time with my daughter’s family. I know we won’t be missed when we leave. It’s awful being made to feel second best but only being able to tell my friends and sister as I know DIL wouldn’t hesitate to cut us out if I said anything, she has already seen off all my son’s d friends and doesn’t like my daughter’s partner so it’s been a year since my two children met, despite living an hour apart.

I agree with you, your GS has adopted a way of reacting to you through habit. He screamed cried, ran away and his Mum "rescued" him now this is his normal reaction. Try a group a activity, even just going to a playpark where you can perhaps take a turn pushing a swing. You will not be touching GS and with his Mum being there he should feel safe. Activities where you are present but not physically handling may build his confidence in you. Is there any way he could be in the company of his cousins with you there? Seeing how they relate to you may also help. Situation must be horrible for you, can't imagine what it is like. Do hope you find a solution. No doubt it will take time so be patient.

Another idea - husband and I visited a couple with a toddler (not a grandchild.)
Husband accidentally dropped a pile of books he was carrying, loud noise. After that the child screamed every time he saw my husband.
Maybe simplistic, but possible.

My DGD was exactly the same when she was a baby. We always put it down to the fact that I'm from Northern Ireland and she found my accent a bit strange. However, she is now 7 and we are the best of friends. I'm sure the problem will pass.

When my oldest daughter was a baby and toddler she would just into tears when my father in law came to visit. He was a lovely man and she was his first grandchild. It wasn't because he was a man as she would go to my uncle and brother. He was hurt but we explained it wasn't him, just a phase and it would pass. When her brother was born, she was 22 months old and the first time father in law visited the new baby she ran to him for a cuddle and all was fine!! Give it time..

A niece of DH went through a phase, when she was small, where she would have nothing to do with men. She is married with 2 sons now, so I think she got over that. Another niece didn't like my father in the peaked cap he wore for work. I did wonder if OP's GS had had a bad dream, featuring her quite out of character, which made an impression.

I agree with Ilovecheese.
BTW, do you wear perfume? Your GS might not like being close to you for that reason.
I was in front of a man in a long Post Office queue on Tues and he was talking to a friend. He stank of cigarettes, so much so that I had to leave and go outside to get fresh air.
Some smells affect some people. Just something to consider.

Keep up the visiting for as long as is financially possible but ignore the youngster,he'll soon come-to.
The worst thing you can do at this stage is steer clear.

My 2 year old GGS used to pull his lip when his mum nipped out and I know it's upsetting to see so I started playing with his cars and making car noises ( taking no notice of the child ) and it wasn't long before he joined in.

Nursery has been a godsend in this respect and he attends for 2 full days and he's tons better if not naughty/cheeky now.

As MawBroon says, many grandparents see their grandchildren a lot less often due to distance etc. I only see mine (now 2 and 3 years) 3 or 4 times a year as they live abroad. The older one was very clingy to mother for quite a long time and would only come to me if no other choice! Now it’s better, so I think it’s probably a phase.

You were obviously a great help and support when grandchild was younger, but at the moment it doesn’t seem like there’s much of a role for you when you visit. Therefore I’d suggest visiting less often for the moment. Let the other grandparents enjoy their first grandchild - you’ve got 2 others to enjoy. If your visits are further apart, grandchild may forget why he’s scared of you. Could your husband visit alone a couple of times?

Distance and time apart don’t have to affect relationships with grandparents long term. My children love their paternal grandmother who they only saw every few years as children - she lives in another country. Now as adults they choose to travel to visit her. Their relationship with my mother, who they saw more often, was ok, but not as strong.

Have you considered letting him see that you are 'friends' with his mum by walking in with a present of flowers or chocolates and taking more notice of her than of him? Just a suggestion, I appreciate that the situation must be distressing for you but am sure will be resolved as he gets older.

Why don't you "back off" oldbatty - you have said nothing remotely useful just hurtful

Absolutely no need for that. My original response was poorly worded and not thought out. I apologised quite clearly..

I have made what I feel is a useful point that the Mum may have been at a low ebb and has now bonded with the little one and that is to be celebrated.

I do feel that the OP perhaps would be wise to slightly withdraw from the situation rather than put herself through more stress. I also note some emotive words in her original post and something of a competition for affection. Perhaps she feels especially hurt as she so kindly stepped in and offered help in the early days.

This is normal especially with boys.
I have 3 grandsons all brothers .
And all were like that
My middle gs whoose now 5 wouldnt entertaine for 2 years.
You have to ride it out .

Izabella that’s exactly what I was going to say. Play on the floor with anything yourself. Don’t make eye contact until he joins you. He will. If not the first time you do it then maybe further along the line. His curiosity will get the better of him. If he moves any of “your” toys tell him you are pleased he is helping because you are not sure what you should do next. Good luck.