My Grandson is scared of me!

My DGD was exactly the same when she was a baby. We always put it down to the fact that I'm from Northern Ireland and she found my accent a bit strange. However, she is now 7 and we are the best of friends. I'm sure the problem will pass.

Another idea - husband and I visited a couple with a toddler (not a grandchild.)
Husband accidentally dropped a pile of books he was carrying, loud noise. After that the child screamed every time he saw my husband.
Maybe simplistic, but possible.

I agree with you, your GS has adopted a way of reacting to you through habit. He screamed cried, ran away and his Mum "rescued" him now this is his normal reaction. Try a group a activity, even just going to a playpark where you can perhaps take a turn pushing a swing. You will not be touching GS and with his Mum being there he should feel safe. Activities where you are present but not physically handling may build his confidence in you. Is there any way he could be in the company of his cousins with you there? Seeing how they relate to you may also help. Situation must be horrible for you, can't imagine what it is like. Do hope you find a solution. No doubt it will take time so be patient.

I have a similar thing with the other grandparents always put first, down to the walls and fridge being plastered with photos of DiL’s family but absolutely none of us. They go on holiday with all her family at least three times a year and Christmas is always at one or other of her family’s homes, consequently we are driving up and down the M3 on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day as I also want to spend some time with my daughter’s family. I know we won’t be missed when we leave. It’s awful being made to feel second best but only being able to tell my friends and sister as I know DIL wouldn’t hesitate to cut us out if I said anything, she has already seen off all my son’s d friends and doesn’t like my daughter’s partner so it’s been a year since my two children met, despite living an hour apart.

Don't take it personally, at 22 months children understand very little. It may be something as silly as a small blemish on your face that has upset him. My grandson when he was about the age yours is now suddenly became terrified of his great grandmother as he noticed her face was uneven after her stroke. With an older child you can explain it, a younger one just notices something "not quite right". Like someone said, don't approach him just let him watch you for a few visits until he realises everyone else is happy to interact with you in a friendly way, and he should start to relax.

it's separation anxiety, mentally he thinks you're going to take his parents' (attention) away from him. He'll grow out of it soon. Meanwhile let him come to you

When my son was about 4 he suddenly started crying or even screaming whenever I smiled at him, and said I was a monster. I was very very upset and hurt by this. He was OK if I didn't smile.
As I was only ever a nice mummy to him I don't know why he did this. I was a young and even pretty woman then and looking at old photos I had a nice smile. (Modesty!)
After a couple of weeks he stopped this and became my loving son which he still is nearly 50 years later.

Why don't you "back off" oldbatty - you have said nothing remotely useful just hurtful.
I think Buffybee's post is right on the money. Follow her advice and your grandson will come round in time.
I wish you well Armoria.

Armoria - hang in there. Don't try to engage him. It will pass. Maybe sit on the sofa away from him with an interesting toy, or an iPad with his favourite cartoon on or chocolate....
IMO you should talk strategy through with DiL, maybe on the phone.
Good luck

Having read the OP and your subsequent posts it occurs to me that perhaps the wee chap, at a subconscious level, associates you with taking him away from Mummy. It seems that when you visited in earlier days you took him out and away from Mum to let her have a rest, which was a good thing to do, but perhaps when he sees you he feels that you have come to take him away again.

My DGS (but not the 2 DGDs) was stuck like a limpet to our DD when he was 2/3. Screamed, kicked and struggled when anyone, even his dad, tried to take him away. By the time he was 4 he was happy to be left at nursery or at our house, because he had grasped the idea that he would see Mum again soon.

this is just a phase.my gd was the same .i would walk in the room and she would cry and make straight for mummy. i just used to sit on the chair/sofa and read a childs book out loud.she came to look and then when i looked up she went back to mummy's legs. totally ignoring gc. she was age 3 when she finally started to accompany her brother up to my home.. but it took time .and you must be patient they will do it in their own time. please refrain from wanting to hug him. some kids are different these days. different generation ,no children are alike....i know it hurts ,but just carrying on doing things ,.....it will come when he wants to hold your hand.

I agree....'backing off' isn't an option if you love your grandchildren. Mine live 200 miles away so we don't see them as often as we'd like, but when we do, its intense and how I like it. My son and his partner know then can just hand the kids over and chill out for a few days - I would hate it any other way

It will work out eventually Armoria, I'm sure.

It sounds as though in the past you took him off parents (becuase you were asked). But my Mum babysat neice and around 2 she screamed every time she saw her becuase she thought she would take her again? It's all better now but remember mum was upset about it. Am sure it's a phase and not the fact his parents have chosen not to take him to nursery and care for him themselves.

Thank you for all the positive and negative comments. The crying and screaming phase has been going on now for well over 12 months. I have pretty much tried a lot of your suggestions. I have tried ignoring him, I have tried playing with something across the room, I have not tried to pick him up or cuddle him or forced myself on him etc etc. Absolutely nothing works. Can't remember saying anything to upset Daughter in Law and if I had my son would have told me so in no uncertain terms.

By the looks of it I will just have to ride it out and hopefully one day he will come round.

I’d guess he’s picking up on the ‘vibe’ when his grandparents visit, and will also sense who’s tense and not being natural. I’d say you’ll have to let him come round in his own time, hard though that may be.

Your GS is most likely picking up vibes from his mum, who has long been reluctant for you to be closer than she likes. It would be sensible for you to allow him to see you on close, friendly terms with your DiL. Also, consider why it is that the child has no issue with your DH. How does he behave when he comes through the door of their house, compared to the way you greet them?

Oh if only I could but bringing him toys is now frowned upon as he has enough but if I do want to buy something I need to phone first and to let them know the details such as what it is, what size is it, if it's painted is it paint or stained and they will then give the ok or not. Books have to be new and again have to tell them the title to make sure it is suitable. No second hand soft toys either.

Sorry, misread your post OB - ignore!

I think this is DIL’s child oldBatty
The daughter’s children are older.

I wonder if the Mum had a rough time , some depression perhaps, compounded by the fact that the little on was ill. It is terrifying. I think its great that Mum and child have a strong bond.

How different our attitudes can be!
We all seem to agree this is likely to be a “phase”
We may also be thinking “Don’t fall into the trap of comparing access with the other GPS, that way madness lies.
But
If they only see GC once a week, I'm not surprised he is wary of them. Many children are wary of "strangers" at this age I am gobsmacked that agnurse can write “only” and “once a week” in the same sentence and then suggest the child regards granny as a “stranger”
Many of us see our grandchildren considerably less frequently, once a month if even, perhaps or at irregular intervals.
I think how the parents treat the grandparents makes a huge difference. If mummy is genuinely happy to see granny and grandpa the child will pick this up.
Littlest DGS(2 1/2) commented on the picture of my late DH I keep as my screensaver “That’s Granpop” he announced. “I love Granpop”
DH died a year ago when DGS was only 18 months and sadly was not able to spend as much time with the little fellow as we would have wished, but I give my DD credit for keeping his memory alive, albeit from pictures and perhaps anecdotes.

Stopping visiting won't help achieve an improvement in the relationship
Continue visiting, continue to be pleasant, take a back seat, and don't criticise his mother's parenting, even in your head.

Body language is far more powerful than you think, and young children are very sensitive to it.

My daughter was frightened of her GF . We think he used to hold her too close. When she was about 18 months old he bought her a wheelbarrow and they were firm friends ever after. My advice is to visit your daughter but try to ignore your GS. he will get used to you in time.

Madgran77

It sounds as if OP is saying "Well, the OTHER grands get x, y, and z. It's not FAAAAIR!!!" Really sounds quite childish. How many times did you all hear your children say, "But so-and-so gets to do/go to/wear/see/have x, y, and z. It's not FAAAAIR!" What was your response then?

If they only see GC once a week, I'm not surprised he is wary of them. Many children are wary of "strangers" at this age. I wonder if possibly OP is projecting her feelings about DIL onto GC.