Jealous of other “grandparents “

Things can only get better. Always look on the bright side of life.

Try to be pleased that yor DGC are loved by so many. My DD2 & her DCs only have us as her ex was estranged from his family.

How lovely for your daughter in law to have friends who knew, loved and remember her mother; she has probably known them all her life and they are her family.
Also, as her child grows, they will be able to tell him all about the grandmother he will never meet, and about his mother when she was growing up, a vital part of family history.
The fact that you don't like them has nothing to do with it.

Shocked to read this morning that some grandparents are so jealous they pay thousands of pounds to split a sister from her brother by thousands of miles.

Not a problem for me at all. In fact the other Grandma has become a good friend and flew over to spend time with us for a pre-Christmas holiday. She helps with childcare as she lives near the GC so we agreed that when she goes to America I will take over her role until she comes back. DiL goes to a lot of trouble to ensure I am as much involved with the GC as I can be despite living in a different country.

Jealousy is often the result of insecurity, could this be the reason in your case?

Isn't it hard when we feel things that seem totally irrational but there they are nevertheless? And ones that we are not proud of are worse.

There have been moments when flashes of such thoughts have flitted through my mind, especially near the beginning of being a grandparent. But I spoke very firmly to myself and got past it, as I am sure that you will too.

The difficulty is that you have nothing in common with these folk (apart from your shared humanity and shared GC) - you feel protective of this child and the influences that will impinge on his life. I too have little in common with all the other sets of grandparents, but in the end that is not what is important. These people produced the person that your son loves, so they have done something right!

You have heard all the rational reasons for not having these feelings - which I am sure you already knew - and you just need to behave as if you like these people and, who knows, in the end you might just end up doing that. Make yourself say positive things about them - "How lovely that you have these kind people in your life!"

You can still have your feelings, but it is important not to make these obvious. Do not feel guilty; your feelings arise because of your overwhelming love for this child, and that is a positive.

Good luck.

Human reaction even if not rational...and big well done to you for acknowledging that your feelings are wrong. You say you don't want to feel like this...that is understandable too. Focus on the lovely time you had with them and every time your resentment wells up just go back to that focus ...force yourself to focus on that! Also, chat to them about the nice times they had with you ...and ask about the nice times they had with the others. I'm not keen/ have little in common with my sons inlaws but to try to help a difficult situation I have built a gently friendly relationship with them...takes time and tact though. Maybe think about that too

Jealousy is a normal human emotion so don’t feel bad. As long as you recognise it and don’t let it spoil your relationships it’ll be fine. I think you are brave to admit it and you obviously have enough insight to keep it under control. In answer to your question, yes I’ve felt it..often. It’s a horrible emotion to recognise in yourself . I’ve also seen it in others and it often manifest as sulking, bad temper and rudeness. We have nothing in common with our Children’s in laws but over the years we’ve made a mammoth effort to get on (I suspect they have too) and have shared many happy events together together with the odd uncomfortable twinge when a grandchild says “no I want the other Nanna” So give it time and smile through gritted teeth. You’ll soon come to terms with the emotion and the other surrogate grandparents.

You cannot help your feelings. It isn't always possible to rationalise them. I'm sure you agree the more people who love your GC the better.Hopefully in time the feelings will lessen

How much time they spend with the friends is really not your concern. Grandparenting isn't a competition.

Your DiL has lost her parents and is lucky to have close friends who are able to love and support her. Spread the love around , you’re not in a competition with these people. Be welcoming- you don’t have to be best mates. The more people that love and care for your GC the better, surely?

Focus on – and delight in – your relationship with your grandchild who, as she/he grows up, will be influenced by all sorts of people, most of them positive one hopes, but probably some of them negative. Be an inspiring, joyful and loving figure for your grandchild and let others be what they may. You will both benefit enormously.

My Sil's Mother died when he was a teenager, after he and my Dd married, his Father married again.
When my Dgs arrived, his Grandfather said that his new wife was unsure what she should be called and she said would he ask me.
Without hesitation, I said, "Grandma of course, if she wants, or Nana" so she's Grandmaralyn.
Neither of them are our type really but they are lovely, kind people so I've made the effort.
Try not to be jealous of them, be happy your precious Dgs has people who love him.
The more the merrier, I say.

Isn't it better for your GC to have lots of folk who love them ? Why would you want to take that away from them and the support they obviously give your DIL?