Jealous of other “grandparents “

I agree with most people here, that children need all the love they can get. I really like my DiL's mother, who I don't see often, and her father lives in Australia so I've actually only ever met him the once. I read about so many children who have no love whatever, and are even abused, that I am so grateful my beautiful little granddaughter is surrounded by so much love. Friends, family - whoever.

At the moment I have several friends with a son and a daughter and it is the son with the children- the daughters are adamant that they will never have children. Having a daughter is no guarantee that you will be a maternal grandmother. I have quite a few friends who are sad that they haven’t much hope of being a grandmother at all. I also have a couple of friends with grandchildren in Australia.
My grandson is some distance away and so we don’t manage more than once a month.
I am sure that it will help to count your blessings.

Rosie, doesn’t help I know but I have 2 friends with 3 adult children and none of the children now in their mid 40s and older, had or will have children.
I have two grandchildren but they don’t have cousins as we have no other family and my other child didn’t have any. It’s something we can do nothing about but I do understand how you might feel.

That's very good advice Blencathra. Thank you

Just be thankful you have grandchildren. I have three children and took it for granted I would be a grandma. However, none of my children want children of their own, so I'm jealous of ALL grandparents.

Don’t be discouraged. When I was a volunteer with families I found it very easy to get on with the under 5s ( even a very shy one who took about 4 weeks to speak to me). All it took was giving them my undivided attention- I only went once a week and they would be looking out for me, excited by my visit. .
The other grandmother may see them more regularly but you can’t know how much time she is giving her- I bet most of it is talking to her daughter - even when playing with the granddaughter she is probably only giving her half an ear.
Don’t make it a competition- you are there for the long term and you will make your own relationship.
It is a bit complicated, but if you google it you will find that genetically the paternal grandmother is the closest to a granddaughter ( but not a grandson oddly enough).

Thanks for all your comments. I definitely take them on board. It's not even sleepovers that I'm yearning for, just some time on our own with our Grandchild. Even half an hour, when we could go and feed the ducks or just play together.

I know times have changed in many ways but I am slightly surprised by posters using sleepovers as a gauge of how close are relationships between grandparents and grandchildren. I don't think I had a sleepover anywhere until I was a teenager – and then I stayed at a friend's house. I had stayed with aunties but always with at least one parent and my sister. I never stayed with my parents' parents in my entire life.

My grandchildren love sleepovers at my house and have had quite a few, except the youngest one (three years old). I don't have a spare bedroom and the sofa bed is not suitable for young children because it is in the main room of the house and children go to bed early. Consequently, they tend to share a bed with me; as the boys dream of playing football for Barcelona all night and the middle one snores, this is no great joy. As a rule, it works the other way round; I go to their house to make supper and look after them if their parents have one of their rather rare outings and I have a sleepover. The three-year-old invariably comes in for part of the night and last time, having been taken back to his own bed much earlier, appeared at my side at 5.30 am asking for breakfast! Actually, much as I love all of them, sleepovers are far from my favourite activities.

China I've seen a few members here say that they spent time with their own mum and never gave a thought to their mother in law at the time.
Not with any malice, it just never occurred to them.

Thank you Blencathra and OutsideDave. Good advice and I know you're both right. I just struggle to get rid of the notion that I'm just not trusted - but you're both correct. I should count my blessings and make the most having an amazing Granddaughter xx

I would just remind you that no matter how much you might offer, I can’t imagine any DIL wanting to ask her MIL to take off work to care for her child, barring an absolute emergency. If her mother is available and free, it’s totally sensible to have her be the on-call sitter. In the same vein- babysitting is about meeting a parents need for childcare, not about grandparents wants and desires. If DIL needs babysitting, she should do what makes the most sense and is the most convenient for her. That appears to be her mother currently. I’d not worry about babysitting and just focus on maintain a happy easy relationship with DIL.

I would just concentrate on having a lovely time with your granddaughter when you do see her, ChinaB . Just because you see a child everyday doesn’t mean that you will have a better relationship. Once children can walk and talk they make their own relationships - it can’t be dictated by the parent. My favourite grandparent was one of my grandfathers because I got on with him really well as soon as I could toddle - how he got on with my parents was irrelevant.
I understand how hurtful it is but there isn’t much you can do about it. As she gets older you may find that they actually really need you to babysit.

I know that it's the Grandchildren who are most important and that it's wonderful that they are surrounded by love, but I too have Grandparent envy. Our gorgeous Granddaughter is 12 months old and i'm still yet to babysit or spend any time with her on my own. I'm the paternal Grandmother. I feel so sidelined. I have a good relationship with my DiL and she does make the effort to come over usually once a week, but I feel so left out. The maternal Grandmother lives really close to her Daughter and they all meet up every day. The maternal Grandmother babysits and goes to baby classes alone with the baby. I work full time over an hour away but have made it clear that I'm always willing to take holiday to babysit. If I offer to babysit I'm met with a dreadful silence while some excuse is thought up and I just feel really rubbish. My Granddaughter is the most precious thing in my life and I would put my heart and soul into making sure she was safe and happy. My home is clean and baby safe. I never interfere with their parenting and would stick to their regime totally. I'm gutted that for whatever reason they won't leave her with us. We go over to visit after work but only get an hour before she goes to bed. I don't want to sound like I'm moaning but I probably do. Would really welcome some constructive advice.

I am the only living grandparent to my 18month old grandchild. I wish the others were still with us to share also the immense pleasure this toddler gives.

I struggle with every emotion and I know why...it’s because no one loved me as a child. I lecture myself constantly because I am not stupid and I know the theory back to front.
I know jealousy is a pointless mean horrible emotion and it doesn’t improve any relationship, as it’s like a black cloud in front of your brain.
You really need to concentrate on your own life ( after all there is only one) and not think about wasting precious time being jealous of others.......if only I could....but I try.

worriers!!

Please, please just try to form your own relationship with
your grandchildren and not worry about what others are
doing. Relationships are built over many years, not a few
months, and things change all the time. When my first
grandchildren were born I was still working and so couldn't spend much time with them whereas the other grandparents were retired. But my husband and I still have a great bond with the grandchildren and are able to do far more with them than the others who are slightly older and tend to be worries. The grandkids love us all
the same but differently!!

Never been jealous of other GPs, I live 45 minutes from GC whereas the others live about five hours away.
I actually feel sorry that they miss out on so many events like school plays.
When the other GPs visit we absent ourselves and let them enjoy the GC. They enjoy different things to us and add a different outlook to the GC.

On form eh Mabon!! With your usual comment of get over it , not very helpful to the OP who was honest enough about her feelings, She came on for advice not sarcasm from you,

Am

I ask so touched and grateful for all your comments, advice and sympathy. What beautiful and wise grandparents you are! I truly do feel better after reading your responses and am so glad I posted. Thank you so much

Mabon1, Your post is not in the spirit of Gransnet. Do you take pleasure in hurting someone's feelings? Do you feel superior to the person you are criticising? If so, have a word with yourself, or read what the Bible says about the way we should deal with others.

Living interstate from 2 of my GC, the other Gran used to have much more to do with them especially when they were babies. I accepted it for what it was but now that the children are older I get as much love and attention from them as I could wish for.

Emma14...your only human, be kind to yourself and read some of the more positive advice others give.
Brave posting about a frailty as some posters comments have a troubling personal agenda.

I am a nana and a grandma,but my youngest child is only 15,and we were 'made to' visit his father & paternal grandparents by court at divorce- its not something id reccomend- we began 10 yrs ago and my son still dislikes this even though its only a few times a year as they dont live near us,its become slightly easier as were all civil to each other,but im constantly aware(and so is my son)that they want 'more' of him than hes willing to give(he has issues with hugging/kisses etc)and we have other family members to see too(my older kids and my own grandchildren)and i feel they resent that as they want him to be with them longer,but of course he wants to see his older siblings too,and his own nephews&nieces some of whom are a similar age to him.theres such a thing as driving away your own grandchild by being too clingy,and i see it in my own son,i doubt he'l want to go visit voluntarily when hes older?