Advice please.

I think I would try taking legal advice first, from someone specialising in family law.
Then I would decide from there whether to pursue things.

Citizens Advice/legal advice seem to be good starting points deb.

The fact that the children’s father and his family drink heavily means that the children may not be safe all the time, that’s why I mentioned SSs or NSPCC before. It’s worth taking legal advice as to the advisability of this route.

You made a promise to your daughter to look out for the children, and you are clearly trying to do that. The children’s mother obviously knew the situation and wanted her own parents to be there to support her children.
Please try not to despair, there are some good and well meant suggestions on this thread. Please keep trying via these routes to establish contact with your grandchildren. I know that when children have had very regular contact and support from grandparents and they suddenly have it withdrawn, the law and SSs view is normally that the children benefit from continuing that contact.

I wish you good luck, and I send you love.

Thank you everyone for all your love, kind wishes, words and advice I will not now write to the school as I can see it will not do any good and as you say they will probably be obliged to inform him of my correspondence and therefore make matters worse. I have already prepared the letters so I am keeping them and putting them away so that if and when we see the children when they are older and are able to understand they can see we did care about them. I am still loathe to go down the SS route as we have no proof of any harm coming to them and we do not know if that will open a can of worms either. We may still go down the Court route but I cannot do that whilst my husband is so ill. I will start by going to CAB when we eventually do try to sort this mess out. Once again we come to spring when soon the bluebells will be in full bloom and my daughter;s ashes should be scattered in local woods near us as per the instructions in her will. I am not even going to know if he is going to scatter them this year and if he does he will not even inform me about when where or if he is going to do it. We sent him a Solicitors letter last year asking him if he still retains her ashes. He replied via his Solicitor that he did still retain her ashes but was not going to do it 2018 He also whilst we
were hostile towards him. I cannot believe he said that as we have not had any contact with him since September 2017. He knows apart from keeping our GC from us not laying our daughter to rest is also one of the most painful things he can do to us. Its all about hurting us in the most painful way he can. I am thinking of reducing my hours at work I will just have to see if my Manager will agree to it. I am actually named as the children's guardian in my daughters Will but of course I still do not have any rights unless he passes too. Obviously I do not want that to happen despite what a nasty piece of work he is and I know that the children love him unconditionally he is all that they have after all. This is why we have to be careful to not rock the boat. We just want to have contact with them, speak to them have good times with them be involved in their lives and help and comfort them through any difficulties. What support have they had so far. I just dont know. It is the not knowing that is getting to me. Sorry I do tend to go on and on.

So sorry..

Unfortunately OP, if a grandparent rang the school I could not even confirm the children attended, even if you knew they did. If you don't have parental responsibility or a court order you can't be told anything.

It's to be to protect children from abusive family members (including their own parents in some situations) who may call to find out information.

You could try a police welfare check if you know the address. They won't say who contacted and won't be able to give you any other information other than they visited the house and whether they have taken any further action. They won't give details but it may give you peace of mind to know someone has made contact.

If the school has any concerns they should (and generally schools are very good at this) report everything. Including things like children coming in unwashed, in dirty clothes, mentioning they haven't been fed etc. With recent cases of children that have been abused most schools are cracking down on reporting everything, then when the situation reaches social services threshold for involvement they get involved.

Thank you Newmom101. Thank you also MissAdventure.

Such a tragic situation for you to be in. Not only grieving for your precious daughter and being unable to lay her ashes to rest but also losing contact with your grandchildren which you obviously had had up to their mother's passing. Coping with work and looking after your ill husband on top of everything else must be unbearable.

I have no advise to offer other than what others have said. Please take care of yourself - one day the children may need you.

Thank you Willow500.

debohun You mentioned about being unable to lay your daughter to rest. One possibility that might give a little comfort is to plant something (rose/daffodils whatever resonates for you) somewhere significant/accessible to you, and visit there to remember your daughter over time. Another possibility that might help is a small corner with photo/candle/fresh flowers(or something right for you) in your home. Some people find a special notebook where they regularly write to the person who has died, has helped them to manage their grief when they have been unable to lay them to rest. Everyone is different and there is no right or wrong way to grieve but in your difficult situation finding a gentle alternative to the laying to rest just might help your pain a little bit

How sad for all of you. Be assured if the school your Gc are in felt there was a problem they would act upon it and are duty bound through safeguarding. As said above they couldn’t give any info out. Each child has a UPN ( unique pupil number) and this will have been given to a new school and schools share information about new pupils. This number was established so children don’t just disappear from the system or appear with no background.

The CAB will give you accurate advice. I would be very wary about a police welfare check as although names are never given it wouldn’t take a genius for him to think it was you.

All you can do for now is look after yourself and your husband. You don’t say how old the children are but they are together and in time things may change. It may be you could also send copies of the letters you have written via your solicitor to his, to be given to the children if anything changes in their family circumstances, as their Guardian.

Love and prayers ?