Son says only way i can see his child is court

The issue with taking it to court is really three-fold.

1. You're presuming that YOU, the grandparent, are the only person to REALLY have the child's best interest at heart and that the parents do not. That's a HUGE assumption to make.

2. Going to court costs money. That means it's costing your AC money too. Money that could be going to support their children. You could be taking food out of your GC's mouth. You're also putting additional stress on the family. Realistically, which stress do you think is greater - not seeing the GP or the stress of going to court and all the hassle that requires?

3. If you fail to get GP rights, you have likely severed any potential relationship permanently. Do you really want to take that risk?

Realistically, the state is always going to give the parents the favour of the law, unless there's abuse or something going on. That's how families are supposed to work.

Ahh thankyou 1974cookie,,
Often it is not until later on in life that the importance of who cared about us as children becomes an essential missing link in piecing together our own personal history & circumstances.
Having tangible proof can make a whole world of difference.

Yes. But a hell of a lot more become deeply damaged and suffer severe mental health issues.

Anyway, yes.
Its someone else's thread, so best not to turn it into something entirely different.

I suppose children don't need parents, strictly speaking.
Plenty of kids in care turn out ok.

My children want candy for supper. Because they wanted it, does That mean they should have it? No.

It is a parents legal responsibility to care for their children in the best of their ability. They don’t get that choice. A parent makes a choice until they are of legal age.

Children don’t need grandparents. Or extended family come to that. Is it lovely? Sure. But not required if the parents choose not to involve them.

Grandparents have the right to make the choices they wanted when they were in the thick of parenting. Why should they then force their choices on to their adult children and grandchildren?

Hi Bridgeit. I just wanted to say what a really lovely idea of yours re: the book etc. I do not have children, and as such no grandchildren either, but the advice that you wrote made so much sense. Letters, photographs, even birthday cards can be amassed until hopefully there will be a day when the said Grandchild can see and read them knowing that Grandma really loved and cared about him or her.

I honestly don’t think there is anything you can do. I am sorry.

Of course you could seek legal advice, that’s always a good idea.
But the law will only grant visitation if it can be proven that the GP has an ongoing and frequent relationship with the children.

Have you read other GPs stories about court?
You could be looking at £20K in legal fees. Would you be able to sit and hear as he attempts to destroy your character?
All for nothing?

At least 17 months a judge would order a parent to do a step up programme to reintroduce contact to a young child.
They wouldn’t do that for anyone other than a parent of a child. They just wouldn’t order visitation.

Anyway don't bother answering that. This is devastatedgranny's thread, not mine and I don't want to take over with my problems.

At the time everyone was saying just give him time. My daughter passed away April 14 2017. He was supposedly grieving. (thats another story). His excuse for not letting us see the children was that he wanted them close to him at all times. So we let it be. Then he wrote us a letter despite bringing the children to our village every day for school. Saying he had put the house on the market and was moving 3 hours away. We could have 'boundaried' visits whatever that means. He let us see them for only 2 afternoons August and September '17. Then decided we couldn't see them any more and eventually moved from his rented address and disappeared. So now what are we supposed to do?

DebohunXL5. Time is of the essence though.

17 months is enough time away from a small child for the defence to say you have no standing relationship and the child may view you as a stranger.
I may disagree with the system but if you were going to do it then it needs to be ASAP. The longer you leave it then it basically becomes a certainty that you will only be throwing substantial amounts of money away.

Sorry now gone on page 3. Devastatedgranny. I would wait a bit. See if he calms down. I have also been told to wait, see how things pan out. It is now 17 months on and there doesn't seem to be any calming down on my SIL part not mine for that matter, but court is a big step and could aggravate things. I am holding off until my husband recovers from ill health.

I think no parent has the right, morally at least, to stop access to grandparents without a damn good reason.

My GS wanted to see me and asked his auntie to take him to me. She said she would but he would have to ask daddy first. He asked his daddy and came back and said daddy said 'no' . My GS not only doesn't see his GPs on his mother's side . He also doesn't see any of his uncles aunties cousins and lots of his mummy's friends all because of his dad. It breaks my heart.

It was brought up, along with a petition to fight it, on MN. It’s not going to go through.

The government are not going to begin stripping parental rights. It would cause uproar amongst their biggest group of voters. Parents are the majority. And parents are their children’s advocates. When they are not is when SS step in.

But right now and for the foreseeable future nothing will get through the government.

On the contrary, I think its in the process as we speak.
Just as any other vulnerable group in society has rights (whether they realise it or not) so do children.
Every other vulnerable group, if decisions are made on their behalf, have the right to those decisions being legally in their "best interests".

Because sometimes the person is the issue. And no amount of talking is going to solve it.
And if the parent believes that the person is the issue why would they want to expose their child to that?

Love is not always enough. Just because someone loves a child doesn’t make them a good person.
And a child’s live is not a good indicator of the character of that individual.

Thankfully it looks like the law will never change.

Bibbity I think you have to know all the background. Every case is different. It is not one size fits all. But we must all agree that what is right has to be in the childrens best interests not what the parents want it is what the CHILDREN want that is right. Why cant people see that we have to think of the children. always. Parents should not have the right to stop children seeing their grandparents.

I don't see why any loving parent wouldn't want their children to have more love from decent people.
Any issues can be discussed in an adult way and resolved, and the result is an all round win.
I hope the law does change, I would welcome it.

Yes. I have read a lot of the threads here. That are one sided.

There are plenty of threads on Mumsnet as well about issues and then of course children providing extremely substantial care for their parents.

GPs can be great. My children are very lucky to have my parents.

But I have and would fight any law that the government brought in to remove rights from parents.

Yep. We definitely agree to disagree.
You've only to read some of threads here to see what a force for good grandparents can be; stepping in and helping out emotionally, financially, and so on, when the parents are unable, unwilling, or not up to it.

My Dad and my son are best friends. He cried because he can’t live with him.

But the law should never ever factor in when a parent decides what is best for their child.

Let’s not go down the abuse route. Obviously it’s a different ball game if absue is present.

But Children are perfectly capable of growing up Happy, fulfilled and healthy without grandparents.

sodapop.

Another sugar coated TV programme debohun I could think of nothing worse than having a lot of children inflicted on me in my care home.

My daughter and my mum were best friends.
They used to gang up on me!
I would never, ever have denied either of them that love.