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Son says only way i can see his child is court

(114 Posts)
Devastatedgranny Sun 20-Jan-19 23:59:08

The problem is that im told to leave him to cool down he might change his mind and let me see my grandchild. But! Others are saying see a solicitor pronto
What is the best option?

MissAdventure Mon 21-Jan-19 00:01:38

You could get some legal advice whilst you wait and see if your son cools down.
Have you and he argued?

Devastatedgranny Mon 21-Jan-19 00:08:22

Long story...pretty much same as other grandparents on here...sudden cut off and no reason

MissAdventure Mon 21-Jan-19 00:10:37

Ah, ok.
Is your son often like this?
A lot of the people in this situation say that they have always walked on eggshells.
I'm just wondering what the likelihood is of him having a change of heart?

OutsideDave Mon 21-Jan-19 01:02:11

Leave him alone. Respect your son. Get counseling.

mumofmadboys Mon 21-Jan-19 07:34:13

Seeing a solicitor will likely just aggravate the situation. Grandparents have no legal rights to see their GC in this country

sodapop Mon 21-Jan-19 08:50:23

Not helpful OutsideDave
I agree with MissA get some legal advice whilst waiting for things to settle down. Don't do anything in haste Devastatedgranny I hope things work out for you.

MissAdventure Mon 21-Jan-19 09:06:19

Whilst grandparents have no automatic right to see their grandchildren, they can seek access through court

EllanVannin Mon 21-Jan-19 09:13:16

I'm usually inclined to think that the family dynamics come asunder when there's a new baby on the scene. What the reason is I don't know but there does seem to be a lot of it.
Whether it's to do with the extra pressure a new life brings, or the worry of jobs/money etc which has a knock-on effect all round, I don't know.
I'd wait to see how the land lies before doing anything and certainly don't go legal or that'll quash any thoughts of a reconciliation.

DIL17 Mon 21-Jan-19 09:19:27

I honestly believe that Grandparents who go down the legal route cause a lot more stress and heartache for everyone.

It puts them through a lot of stress even financially at such a late stage in life, puts the child through emotional challenges which aren't needed of productive and damages the relationship between parent and grandparent further.

The only time grandparents should go through the legal route is when they believe the child is in danger and want to take over care.

Bopeep14 Mon 21-Jan-19 09:21:13

I would never go the court route as much as I miss 2 of my grandchildren. If in the future you get to see your grandchild it will always be there between you. I would just wait and see what happens. We all live in hope of seeing our non contact grandchildren eventually, I know I do. I hope it works out for you.

maddyone Mon 21-Jan-19 09:24:41

Outsidedave, quite frankly, your comment is just nasty. Why do you bother to look on these forums if you are only able to resort to nastiness.
It’s difficult to offer any constructive advice, especially since we don’t know if anything has precipitated this situation, or how long it has been going on for. Do you know why your son has decided on this course of action?
So sorry you are in this increasingly common situation.

Bridgeit Mon 21-Jan-19 09:27:08

Perhaps start a ‘ Notes from Granma’ diary/ book ‘which you can give or leave for him to read when he is older .
Best wishes, hoping the situation will improve for you.

Bibbity Mon 21-Jan-19 09:34:58

How old is the child?
How often and for how many hours did you see the child?
Did the child ever live with you?

LiveLaughLaove Mon 21-Jan-19 09:50:28

There's never any hope of reconciliation once you go down the legal route. A glimmer of hope however remains when you step back and reevaluate the situation at hand. This allows for both parties to self reflect, allows for tempers to cool and gives each of you time to heal from whatever hurt either party may have caused.

You mention that you've been told to let him "cool down," which insinuates that he is extremely angered/upset by you. If you know you did something wrong, then don't underestimate the power of a sincere apology. Not to dampen your spirits - but just remember that winning legal suit doesn't automatically grant one visitation rights. Your son may still decide to relocate his family miles away from you, and there's nothing that the legal system can do to prevent that, solely for you want to retain your granted visitation. I'd think really carefully before going legal.

glammanana Mon 21-Jan-19 10:06:34

I would think again about going down the legal route you will never be forgiven if you do by both parents,can you not write to your son and extend the olive branch it sounds as though your DGC is very young, have you over indulged them with visits/advice etc something new grans do tend to do sometimes without realising they are doing it.
I hope things work out for the best for you.

Jenova Mon 21-Jan-19 11:25:25

I agree with DIL 17. If you go down the legal route it's going to mean lawyers, money and stress as well as heartache.
As your son has a child part of that money he will spend on a lawyer will be taken away from caring for their family. You may or may not get access but it highly unlikely that your son will forgive you if you do.
Leave him alone for awhile. After a few months or so reach out to your son trying to mend bridges with him. Limit mentioning the grandchildren and wanting to see them. Build a relationship with your son first.
In the meantime try to keep busy by taking up some hobbies and see your friends. You can consult with a lawyer but I would be very cautious about submitting an application for visitation as this would hard to backtrack from. If you do go down that route you need to be certain.

DancesWithOtters Mon 21-Jan-19 11:37:33

He stopped contact for no reason at all?

There must be a back story.

Tangerine Mon 21-Jan-19 13:09:35

I hope, for you, that your son changes his mind. I suppose you could get some professional advice while waiting to see what happens. Going to Court ought to be the absolutely very last resort and it may not bring happiness for anyone anyway.

Summerlove Mon 21-Jan-19 13:20:32

Is this the second child you are having issues with? I’m sure I just read about your daughter ?

Nonnie Mon 21-Jan-19 13:32:46

Is your son on his own or could it be because his partner has insisted? I have known of women who insist that men break contact with their family. If he is in that situation he may have to choose between you and them.

For those who say don't go down the legal route would you say never? Surely there comes a time when all other routes have been tried? Think about the effect on the children, should they be denied access to their wider family? What if there is a cultural difference, should they be denied one side of their heritage? The children may think (or have been told) that they can't see their relations because the relations don't want to see them.

DIL17 Mon 21-Jan-19 14:21:41


Yes I would say never.

If any of my DDs grandparents did that to use, I'd never forgive them and also, the trust and relationship is then beyond repair. Once that trust is broken, that's it, it'll never be repaired and it leaves the child in a horrible situation.

We had this between my dad's mum and my mum.

It was awful. We would be made to go to my nan's house to see her and have to listen to her bitch about my mum and her family and all because she put on a good show and made herself out to be a perfect nan. She wasn't, she didn't care about us and my mum and dad were right to keep us form her for as long as they did. The moment I was old enough, I cut contact with her and haven't seen or heard from her since.

Buffybee Mon 21-Jan-19 14:33:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DancesWithOtters Mon 21-Jan-19 14:37:35

But there must be some reason for this? Children don't just go NC with their parents and ban them from seeing GDC for no reason at all.

DIL17 Mon 21-Jan-19 14:39:19


given that, there is clearly a reason this lady's children have cut her off.