Losing grandson to smartphone

Oh I hasten to add my young DGC don't have mobile phones. The oldest knows how to use an iPad though and is allowed a limited amount of screen time every day.

End of an era

That's exactly it NotTooOld

I felt a change when mine became teenagers, when mine preferred their rooms to the sitting room, when they were old enough to stay out until 4am and the hardest challenge for all Mums, when they left home and I had to wave them goodbye.

I hate the way all people switch off when they have a mobile phone in their hands. It's about far more than telephone calls, isn't it? I am sorry Imm6 but it's what teenagers do. (My teenage time wasting was reading Jackie, drooling and day dreaming over pop star posters on my wall and listening to the radio - that's how I shut out the older generation, but only because of growth hormones and mood. )

I am finding every little bit of 'maturity' my DGC gain rather poignant (they range between 3 and 8) but I delight in their progress. Being glued to a mobile phone doesn't seem like progress to me, but it is the way of the world, unfortunately.

Is it just me who thinks that a 12-year-old shouldn't need babysitting?

It's not just teenagers that are glued to a mobile phone though. My youngest adult son is addicted to it. It really gets me mad. I talk to him and wonder if he hears me. I say to him, are you listening? He takes me to the supermarket and is looking and texting as soon as we park up and walking round the store. Again I have to repeat myself when I say something. I've recently had to tell him to keep off his phone when we're out visiting relatives. I think it's so rude when you're in someones company. Mobiles kill the art of conversation in my opinion. They become an addiction in so many people. Many times I've sat with a friend who stops me when I'm talking to answer a call and then I sit there for a few minutes while she chat's on to someone else then carries on with me. Grr. Am I getting old and grumpy or just old fashioned. I do believe that mobiles are an excellent way for youngsters and people of any age for communication and more so for emergencies and parents and children to be able to keep in touch but I do hate to feel that I'm being ignored is something different altogether. I'm probably the only person in the country that doesn't use one.

I allow my grandchildren to have screen time for half an hour and then get them to have a break. If they do what they have to do with a smile on their face (or at least, not sulking) they get to have some more time later. I consider it to be a privilege not a right.

My gs has permanent texter's droop said my ds when I mentioned his bad posture she says they all have it

Have you tried engaging him in a game of cards, dominoes, Jenga or board games like Monopoly?

All 3 of my older GC have phones ( 14,12 & 10) & are ion them constantly.
I used to mind but now I see they get a lot from it- not just keeping in contact with friends but looking things up & TBH I am never far from mine so can't really complain

Totally agree playing board games visiting places conversation is now taking second place since my GS turned 12 and now has his phone welded to his hand and if he isn't using his phone he is up in his room on his Xbox sad how times have changed glad my 3 DC were all teenagers before these things took over

Our granddaughter is 11 and she's been the same since she started secondary school. My son, his wife and granddaughter come over every Sunday afternoon and we all sit and chat but she sits on her phone the whole time.
I can't say I'm that happy about it, but it's not for me to tell her not to be on it, it's up to her parents. I also think it can't always be much fun for grandchildren to be sitting round their grandparents houses at that age. I try to think back to when I was her age, I used to love sitting round aunts and uncles houses but my sister would never come with us as she found it too boring!

I go to the Spa once a week were no moblie phones are allowed anyone using them is asked to put in locker or leave result bliss

I go to a spa once a week were the rules are no moblie phones.If people are seen using them they are asked to put them in the locker.So for 2 hours bliss .Salt cave rooftop jacuzzi swimming pool with hydrotherapy jets and mosaic hot stone loungers and no sound of phones going off

My grandson is nearly 12 and since he went to ‘big school’ at 9 he’s had a phone ...before you all shout ..... it is because he has a two mile walk to and from school and his parents believe the phone is for his safety. His walk is along a n A road with a dual carriageway! He picks up two friends on the way and coming home. Safety in numbers! At school phones have to be handed in to office and are not given back until 3.30. Kids have access to make any necessary calls at lunch time (about any change to plans ) and then are handed back to office! All phones have id tags. At home he’s allowed 3/4 of hour on any tech he wishes bd it tv ,switch, PS4 , or Wii. Likewise his 7 year old sister( no phone). Then it’s dinner , bath ...a half hour of tv for youngest then bed with story. All and any devices are left downstairs on charge. NO tv’s in bedrooms! Seems to work.

I feel your pain! imm6
I look afted DGC 2 x week after school and it got to a point where they were isolated all on different screens! So from January new rules were instigated..screens only for homework or for sharing before tea. After tea individual screens permitted! They may watch a dvd together, play a game together on a laptop etc. Often they choose to play imaginative games or do crafts! It does become habitual ( here I am in bed on mjy phone!!?) unless there is an active push to change. Maybe invest in some craft kits. e.g old fashioned model planes. It is,harder for you as just one pre teen lad. My 4 range 13 to 6.

None of my business of course, but our 9 year old gd was given one by a member on the other side of the family for her recent birthday. Too young imo, I would have held that off for a couple of years at least. She's quite different when she has it with her, uncommunicative as others have said, she loses that bright eyed bushy tailed quality., it's effect is soporific and mesmerising but not in a good way. Fortunately she doesn't always have it with her when she stays at ours. A bit of a double edged sword, because it was nice to get some texts from her, but that's all really

I have to hide my phone from my 20 month old grandson because he knows there are videos of himself on there! I took his 11 year old brother to London last summer but with the proviso that he brought no technology and we had a brilliant days. However his dad said he can have a phone when he is 12 and I know he will be like his friend who got one for Christmas and when we all went to the cinema and McDonalds with his friend’s grandma he was glued to it. When I told my grandson I thought the friend had been very rude, he said he didn’t mind, but I did on his behalf. I would have told him to put it away in company, or what us the point of being with others?

I used to work in IT and made the decision to 'hard break' from all social media a couple of years ago. It was one of the best decisions I ever made, likewise friends who are also in IT realise the damage these devices are causing.

My 6 year old DGD is not allowed any 'screen time' when she's with me, this includes TV. She is also not allowed to use iPads or any tech at school which, although can be difficult at times is not impossible and doesn't affect her in the slightest.

A very insightful and informative youtube clip is linked below,
www.youtube.com/watch?v=78oMjNCAayQ

A much longer discussion is here,
www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMotykw0SIk&t=2454s

It's very telling that the most senior/talented people in the innovation of IT don't allow their children to use the devices that they market or indeed design. Think Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Chamath Palihapitiya etc.

Thank you, Eloethan, for your kind remarks. I also agree totally with you in that I wish the phones had never been invented. I have invested so much time and energy into looking after my grandson but remember that when my children were that age I was working. So I guess I need a focus rather than making him the centre of my world.

At the moment, I do veer towards the Nan's house/Nan's rules way of doing things. I limit very strictly time spent on the computer and watching TV, particularly cartoons.

However, my grandchildren are 6 and 8 years old. They don't yet have mobile phones so it's slightly different. Also I think to strictly apply that principle at the age of 12 might alienate your grandson.

I do, though, think you have the right to ask him (nicely) to switch off the TV and not use his mobile phone while you are having a meal.

It is quite difficult to come the heavy about these issues when all around them young people see adults glued to their mobiles, even when they are in company. I know mobile phones are so handy in a lot of ways but sometimes I wish they'd never been invented.

I think it's quite understandable to feel sad when children/grandchildren seem to have less time and regard for parents/grandparents. I find it difficult to believe that, if you have always had a mutually close relationship with a child, you would have no disappointment whatsoever when they distance themselves from you and seem no longer to enjoy your company. It is rather unkind, I think, to say it suggests "neediness".

I think you have to accept that a young teen will grow away and into all the other things of his age group it’s all part of moving on Embrace it although it’s a wrench you can’t stop time

Trouble is, as soon as he starts eating he puts the phone down and puts on the telly. I’m at his house not mine so we end up watching rubbish. Feel I can’t win and have little authority. Although DD may agree with me, she’s at work so not there.

Totally agree with you, no phones or iPads during meal times, regardless of their age.

Your DD is totally right! Children prefer their phones and iPads to us. Use it to your advantage. I found a game of words and ignored my 7 year old grand daughter, and was playing. Well of course curiosity got the better of her. She now plays Word using her brain! My youngest grand daughter is colouring, but learning to add and subtract, and she is 4 years old. We can’t beat them, so play them at their own game. Your grandson will also be needing some space, so be near him, but not nag or demand attention for yourself.

It's not just youngsters. My DH drives me mad with his phone, especially when he picks it up and starts looking at it in the middle of a conversation.

I think manners have not caught up with technology yet. I have an absolute rule re phones at the table. Husband, sons. friends and, when they're old enough, grandchildren. Conversation and communicating face to face is as important as any other way and time needs to be made for it.

I have 5 grownup DGs and all of them have been brought up with this technology they first started at school with computers which everyone complained about so it is a way of life for them now.
My youngest DGs logs into his phone to send his homework into school every night and his mum can check that it has beeen received so I don't think youngsters are going to use their phones any the less in the future.
I insist that there are no phones in sight when we eat or are having a family gathering/conversation, my house my rules.