Having a relationship with your grandchild or grandchildren is wonderful and very special, so don't walk away from it to cut off your nose to spite your face. All my grandchildren were born in New Zealand and I still lived in the UK until the last one was born nearly four years ago. I used to send little parcels of inexpensive toys, puzzles, books – whatever – depending on their age, and, of course, I sent what was a very expensive parcel of presents to New Zealand at Christmas and birthdays. Absentdaughter made sure the children said thank you on the phone and rang me on my birthday; in the course of that I was told about what they were doing at school and one of the girls sang Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star in Maori.
I understand the restrictions of cost for travel – dear God, why wouldn't I? However, I was fortunate enough to be able to do it a few times. Of course, their New Zealand grandmother formed a closer relationship. She adores all her grandchildren and has many of them. I certainly wouldn't – and don't – begrudge her the loving relationship she has with my grandchildren. These days, because I now live in New Zealand and close to absentdaughter's family, my grandchildren spend quite a lot of time with me. Does their other grandmother feel jealous or cut off? I don't think so. She lives quite a bit further away from the family than I do, so there is no way that she could do after school care or daily holiday care. She invites them to stay and they have a wonderful time – and so, I am sure does she and their grandfather – but she is reassured and content that I am immediately available in their lives when they feel ill at school, are taking part in sporting events, being awarded a certificate in assembly and just for some other stuff. We don't see each other very often, but there is always a great deal of warmth, understanding and affection between us when we do meet up.