Son traumatised

I suppose it is a bit odd now they have not even announced the birth to close family. Perahps you will have to remind your son that you will be seeing family over the weekend? Leave them well alone, let's home they are all home soon and can start their family life together. Congrats too!

My grandson's birth was very traumatic. His mum began heavy bleeding immediately after the birth. The nurse thrust the baby at my son and they rushed my DIL to theatre. Luckily she didn't need a hysterectomy. My son was left sitting in the delivery room holding his baby. The floor was awash with blood and he couldn't walk on it for fear of slipping. He sat there shaking, thinking his wife was dead. Eventually someone remembered him and came to reassure him. Believe it or not they went on to have another baby by C-section. It was very calm of course. After the first birth my DIL needed a blood transfusion and was very ill but after a few days we were able to visit.

Some families may want to share - this couple don’t want to - their choice and fwiw I wouldn’t share details of my uterus’ fate with many in my family - Dd and DH spring to mind - respecting their choice will secure and maintain future relationships imo

OP, your first post was less than 24 hours ago. Give them some time.

They are still in hospital. Most likely trying to get some sleep and recover. I was wiped out and needed a good 48 hours to recover after DDs birth and that was only a forceps delivery that required a last minute trip to theatre when she got herself twisted and stuck. I can't imagine how shaken up your DIL and DS are. She could have died from the haemorrhage, they must have been terrified.

How you handle this will affect how much they trust you with your GC. No matter how much you want to tell people, let them take it at their own pace and they will trust you much more. Do not push them to tell anyone, let them have time to recover. They likely think that telling people will mean people pushing for visits and understandably they aren't ready yet.

Nana that's very cruel and selfish. It may not be the first but it's the first for them. Minimising how traumatic this has been for them and expecting them to get on with it just so other people can see the baby could lead to PND and anxiety in the parents.

Also OP, don't be surprised if they (and DIL more so) are very protective over the baby (not wanting babysitters or people walking off with the baby for example) for a while. They are probably going to be even more protective than usual new parents after this. Just go with it and give them time to work through the stress of what's happened, as well as having a new baby to look after!

Perhaps you can send a card or flowers to the hospital so she knows you're thinking of her (subtext to remind her you exist lol) but at least it builds goodwill.

Friend of my daughter's went through similar, and lost her uterus in the process. But the whole family, and friends, were all in it together.

maryeliza totally gobsmacked about yours.

" foetal distress"......2 words nobody wants to hear.

OP your last post has surprised me - please don’t put pressure on him, you are not all in this together as equals family or not

Actually this is prodding some very unhappy memories for me. Think about it, major abdominal surgery on tissue which is already stretched. Its agony. Constipation, trapped wind, interventions, its absolutely vile. And the tiny dependant baby and breast feeding.

The party and the siblings are not really relevant.

Lies are sometimes exactly the right thing to do - or rather ‘economical with the truth’. Eg they're both a bit tired at the moment, you know what it’s like with a new baby, etc etc I’m sure you can manage OP

I suggest you briefly tell son, you are not going to keep secrets, its very unhealthy. He must simply send a text saying baby has arrived, they are tired and will be in touch soon. End of.

Thank you grannytotwins, I think I will give him until the end of tomorrow, and if he hasn't told them then, just send a loving text sayinig they are worried, and I will have to tell them on Sunday if he hasn't managed to by then. I don't want to put pressure on him when he is obviously and understandably in shock, but we are a family, and all in this together.

Gonegirl I’m just speechless. OP I’m sure your DS and his wife will appreciate you just accepting what they want at the moment and love you all the more for it when things settle down

Please spare a thought for the new Mum. Previous trauma, drugs, intervention, an emergency section.....all seriously mess with your head. And then you have a tiny baby who needs feeding and care and a partner who is a little fragile.

This is not about Granny or siblings or parties. Give the Mum love and support. Send a cleaner round to the house , give her a voucher for a treatment, make and freeze some meals. and thank the medical staff/higher power that baby and son and Mum are still with us.

How can you possibly have a big birthday celebration and basically lie about the baby? However difficult things are for your DS, he cannot put you into that position. Could you not say to him that you will be very uncomfortable at your celebration if he does not let his siblings know first.

I think hugaby has explained the situation perfectly. Who wants constant calls and visits from grandparents or siblings or friends after such a traumatic birth. Send them a lovely bunch (or better still, arrangement so no need to faff with putting them in a vase) of flowers with a card containing a message of your love and support. If you want to, you can tell them to call you whenever they need to but without pressing them for an invitation to visit. Your grandson will be there for you to meet and enjoy for many years to come ...

Yes, I know she has been through an ordeal, but they have their longed for baby at last. Now give Granny a thought.

You are absolutely right Maximka, I will be patient, just wish he would tell his siblings, or let me do so....

Actually I feel quite angry for you B9exchange. They are being selfish.

Congratulations. I hope you get to see your little grandson soon.

Congratulations on your new baby grandson!
I can easily relate to your son and DIL. When our first son was born by emergency c-section after 36 hours of labour and no progress, I was exhausted both physically and emotionally. Then I had big problems with b/fing. My baby was screaming non-stop, and I was hysterical. I didn't want any visitors. When a friend called to say they wanted to come and visit us in the hospital, I asked them not to come, as I just didn't feel ready to see anyone.
It is natural you want to see your grandson, but they need some breathing space right now.
Recovering after c-section is tough. Even going to the toilet the first time after the op is an ordeal. Having a poo after the section is terrifying. Everything is painful, and the pain relief meds make you woozy.
Then you are constantly prodded and checked up by the nurses, there is no privacy in the hospital.

Planned Caesarians are nothing like emergency caesarian at the end of a long and difficult labour.

He still hasn't told his siblings. We have a big family event on Sunday (regrettably a big birthday for me!), and how on earth will I explain why they are not there and yet am not allowed to say anything about the baby?!

I am glad they have DiL's mum there to help out, so not much point in my offering to help out practically at the moment, but I'll bet she would have made sure her own children were fully informed.

I know I have to accept it and wait, but just so grateful for the opportunity to let off steam here, and all your kind replies!

You are doing the right thing by holding back and following your son's wishes, but I hope for all your family's sake, they don't take too long about their press release.

Ask for a picture & bide your time. I've been there.