New GC on way - feeling ambivalent

It's just self preservation. Go through the motions & I'm sure you will adore your new GC. Be 100% positive when you talk to your family- keep the worries to yourself & a few good friends.
All GC are different & all are special.
I really hope this may even mend the situation with the other side of your family. Nothing like a baby to mend fences.
Good luck & chin up.

You’re not a miserable old bugger at all. You are just hurt from your experience with your other GC.
I hope it will all come good for you soon.
Sending love ?

Again thank you for the kind words everyone.

Anja I am so sorry for the loss of your Grandson but am so happy for the love you now have for the new one. Thank you for sharing, its good to know (in a sad weird way) that others truly understand.

Dontaskme let me tell you a very personal story that might help. In 2008 my toddler grandson died, unexpectedly. My son and DIL were of course devastated. They have since gone on to have two little girls. Then my daughter told me she was expecting a little boy. I didn’t want another grandson it felt like I a betrayal of my dead grandson. Yes, illogical I know.

I couldn’t bond with the new baby when he was born. I went through the motions, much as you are doing. Then one day when I was baby sitting him and holding him, he was about 8 weeks by this time, he looked up at me and gave me this beautiful gummy smile.

My heart just melted and all the love i’d been holding back came in one big rush.

I’m sure this will happen to you too ❣️

Please be kind to yourself dontaskme, your reaction is protective and understandable. I’m sure with time the acted feelings and behaviours will become real as you begin to trust again. In the meantime you’re doing the right things, and being the best you can be. I’m so sorry you carry such grief, wishing you well today and every day.

Don't ask me and all mothers here , Happy Mother's Day !
Hope you will soon feel the joy and excitement of the new baby. It's so hard, isn't it? But I wish you all the best
To all mothers and grandmothers : HAPPY MOTHERS DAY !!!

Anja - I certainly hope so! As I said this is a different AC.

I know its silly of me to worry and feel I don't want to get involved, as the likelihood of this one "disappearing" is zero, but then we never in a million years dreamt the others would be taken away, so who can say for sure?

I'll make a big effort to ask all the right questions etc. I did feign happiness when they told me and have tried when I've seen them, but its all fake and I feel bad as it IS going to be our GC. I'm out shopping tomorrow and I'll buy a little gift. I still get upset in the baby section, thinking of the other GC (still very young and one only 10 months old the last time we saw them), but I'll take a big breath and get on with it. Gender neutral grey and black here I come!

Thank you for your kind words and I'm glad you understand.
Happy Mothers Day!

Your heart has been broken Dontaskme so I imagine your reluctance to engage is your way of protecting yourself. You have reflected upon all that love, energy, expense and time that was freely given nurturing your other, now absent, grandchildren. I totally understand why you feel wary and flat. However because it all went wrong once, it doesn’t necessarily follow that it will do so again.
Good luck. x

Dontaskme
I agree with sodapop: try not to worry.

Just go with the flow, but, and this is a big 'but', make a huge effort to sound happy amd say all the right things when speaking the the parents-to-be, even if you have to go into acting mode - if they pick up on your feelings (which to me as an outsider seem perfectly understandable given your circumstances), they will undoubtedly be upset, and that would not bode well for the future.

I hope it all works out well for you in the end.

Once you meet the new GC I'm sure you will love them no end. Just relax about it.

I’m a bit confused Dontaskme. Is this new GC one that you will have contact with?

Try not to worry quite so much about this Dontaskme . On one hand you are trying to protect yourself from being hurt again on the other its the joy of a new grandchild.
It will happen if you relax, don't try to force your feelings. Think about ways you can help without becoming over involved, as the birth gets closer you wil feel differently I'm sure.