How to help DGS

Hi Nandalot. You daughter needs to go back and speak to the school SENCO. I'm not sure how the system works in England, but in the school I work, he would be assessed by the school in 6 different aspects. Then if necessary a referral would be made to a panel of experts. They would then decide on the best person to come out and see him and suggest the way forward.

The school can refer to CAMHs if they feel it would be useful to your DGS. Also, parents can refer to Young Minds who can also assist. If Young Minds say that the matter is too complex for them to assist, it will give extra leverage to a CAMHs referral.

Thanks again for all the replies. DD is going to go back in the new term. She did have to fill in a lot of forms and was assessed by the school who have put him on the SEN register and he has some intervention sessions. It was they who triggered the doctor’s appointment but I think that was more to do with his fine motor skills. It is the anxiety issues that are concerning me now. At school, I think he keeps a low profile but did go through a phase of not going to the toilet there through anxiety, which we made the school aware of and they tried strategies to help. Fortunately, he has a very good bladder, still not good to hold it in. As I say the school so far have been brilliant. He has some phobias too, e.g buttons. he is overcoming his fear of dogs and we got a cat which has made him more relaxed about animals in general.
I can’t tell you how much it has helped to chat about it here and to hear how others are getting on. Some positives out there.

Nandalot, is your DGS hypermobile (double jointed)? Children who are often have a very stretchy bladder so can hold things for ever (!). They also are more prone to anxiety and often have difficulty with their fine motor skills.

Scout movement has been great help with my son. He was very shy and it helped him with his confidence. My son is dyslexic and struggled at school and university. He made life long friends and at 28 he is a scout leader as well as a becoming second in command of their scout group. He has also done a management course with the scout movement. In his career he has achieved so much as a CAD engineer even though he failed his 2nd year twice at university. He is currently getting the same salary as the other friends and engineers he works with who all have their full degrees. The scout movement gave him so much confidence and self-asteem. I used to worry so much about him but now I’m filled with pride.

My grandson (10 ) is adopted and has issues which stem from the first 18 months of his life before my DD and SIL were able to adopt him. His genetic background brings inherited problems of anger and aggression (paternal). His birth mother smoked throughout pregnancy and refused any assistance. He has five siblings who are all in care.
Consequently his issues have resulted in him being suspended from school and he is receiving one to one tutoring until the authority get their finger out and get him into a school where his problems can be addressed. He is a bright boy and particularly good at maths. He is VERY keen on gymnastics.,attends a gymnastics class each week and has already won several trophies in area competitions. This is his real strength. Now he just needs to be given a place at the school already named for him .As usual it is ‘red’tape ‘ which is holding this up,-to his detriment and more worry for his parents.

My grandson he is nine has just been diagnosed through camhs.gps have been told by there trusts not to refer children its disgusting.i went to school with my daughter and spoke to his sen,she and the school got in touch with camhs it took about six months he was lucky considering the stories I've heard.my grandson was exactly the same as your grandson it is so upsetting to watch.he has only just settled at school I don't think he is going to cope at high school please don't stop pushing because they will do anything to save money I really don't know what the government are playing at.

trendygran as I understand it adopted children can go to any school I don't know how this will be becuse of the exclusion but it might be worth your while visiting as many scools as possible while he is excluded. Some schools can work with difficult children much better than others. Some schools are much more active and sporty and it sounds as though he would love that. Have a check list, be open about how he reacts and behaves and discuss this with the Head and staff, you will soon find out who has the ability to cope with him.

Try not to label the lad with a diagnosis that will follow him all the rest of his life. It is funny how we accept children nowadays. Years ago that was considered normal behaviour in a 7 year old. If he is showing tendencies toward anxiety or repetitive behaviour it might only need him to be distracted with something else. If you change the subject at this age chances are that he will grow out of it. It is possible that his mother keeps asking him ''have you been yet?' every shopping trip and that could well have started all that. Constantly asking the child 'have you washed your hands? have you cleaned your teeth? will cause all that. It sounds as though it could be the cause. Children are not born thinking like this. Someone has to put the idea in his head.

Thinking back, I remember my little sister was found to be deaf and no one had noticed. She was actually lip reading without us knowing. She had a growth which required treatment and grew up with the results of that. It could be that the little lad is not hearing or seeing as well as the others. It would have been very obvious by now if he was ESN.

Do you think children are stupid and do not realise their brains work differently??

My son has Inattentive ADHD also dyslexia and has spent years struggling because teachers have tried to get him to ignore his brain.

The vast majority of SEN’s are neurobiological disorders which means their brains are different and they are entitled to a diagnosis.

Also do your research about how successful many adults with “labels” are because they are given the help and support.

Pallmall1964, it is probably because CAMHs often turn away GP referrals so it is a waste of their time. Parents can refer but these often get turned away too. The most effective way of getting children seen by CAMHs is to go through the school.
llizzie2, children who need extra support need those labels. It is better to sort things out now before they get hampered for life. My brother is dead because his anxiety was not diagnosed or talked about until it was far too late. The investigation by the Mental Health Services told us that nowadays he would have been picked up as a child and the chances are, he would have been able to overcome it.
Momof3, I thoroughly agree with you. Children have the right to be diagnosed so the right support can be put in place. Unfortunately, even with a diagnosis, ignorant people judge behaviour and assume it is bad parenting.

School should have a child counsellor. My gs been seeing one since his dad died in 2017 age 37.counsellor has been very helpful .both gc see her

My daughter moved to Australia to get the help required for my grandson. He has mobility issues, ADHD and Aspergers Syndrome. He is now in a happy place with all the specialist help required, the school provides a full time teaching assistant which is all government funded. I am visiting her at the moment and can really see the difference in him over the last twelve months. Children and families with these conditions need diagnosis and the relevant support to enable the child to fulfill their full potential. The mental health programmes for our children in the UK has been cut over the years by successive governments. My heart goes out to all the families struggling with these issues it isn’t easy, keep pushing to get the referral for him.