Should we ignore it

MiL obviously thinks she's "helping" But making personal comments and sending magazines for years is just cruel.
I think your daughter needs to say to her grandmother something along the lines of " Yes grandma, I have been overweight for some time and thanks to you (even if it isn't) I am now losing weight, but I would really rather not talk about it all of the time" and then start talking about something else. If she changes the subject everytime her grandmother starts on the subject, she will hopefully soon get the hint! If all else fails, she could start getting ready to leave or if on the phone say that she needs to do something for the baby, she'll talk again soon and then hang up!

Well done to your daughter! I agree that asking fellow SW members may be a good idea. Her Group leader would also be helpful I'm sure.
This may sound harsh, but it may be wise for your daughter to keep contact with her GM to a minimum. If anything is said by your MiL it can be pointed out to her that her comments are actually undermining your daughter's efforts.

Well said, Bradford Lass ?

Hey - well done her! I do hope she is proud of her achievement. Is the, anything but D, MIL asking because she is also wanting to lose weight but hasn't got the umph to join a group or incentive to do it herself? If so DD might want to guide her /share tips or just signpost........perhaps to another meeting venue other than the one she uses!

I was on the end of such remarks from my mil and it ruined my relationship with her, even though she is no longer here I can't fully forgive her. I used to dread seeing her and only did so for the sake of my dh and children. I couldn't stand up for myself , it was difficult because was was so sly, and on the odd occasion I did she would say I had no sense of humour and I had taken something in the wrong way; deflecting any criticism. I never make any personal remarks to my dil about her figure - ever! I really don't like other people making any comments on my appearance , perhaps because of this past history, I just feel so uncomfortable and try to change the subject. It feels quite cathartic writing this down! If there is any advice I would give your daughter it would be to say to her grandmother that she is not going to talk about weight/dieting, end of! anything else fine!

Could she be trying to help but in a clumsy way? I once sent my sister a book about tidying up because she mentioned she wanted to have a big throw out and her house was messy.

She got really upset about it, and I couldn't understand why as I thought I was helping. Oh dear.

You’re daughter can’t hint she must TELL her grandmother in a nice polite way she doesn’t wish to talk about her weight and refuse to engage if it gets brought up she can just laugh and say Nan/ gran or whatever you know we re not talking about this and change the subject
She probably thinks she’s helping by engaging but she’s definitely not and it’s the daughters place not yours to tell her plainly but nicely

My mother made remarks about my weight all my life despite me telling her it did not help me. I was a comfort eater, so her remarks generally made me eat more! She never did stop and often made unkind remarks in front of others too.

My MIL went one better though. When I was going out with her son she suggested to him that he might like to find someone younger and slimmer than me! I don't suppose she knows that he told me!

She was clearly worried that she wouldn't get grandchildren as I was 31 when we married and her son only 25! She began dropping hints about us having children as soon as we returned from honeymoon! Her attitude towards me did seem to improve after I produced the first GC especially as it was a girl and she only had boys and brothers. However she never let up about my weight, reminding me that I needed to watch my own weight if I was to cope with carrying a growing baby.

Unfortunately she has put my DD under similar pressure. She was quite overweight and my MIL has been quite unkind over the years. Now she has lost lots of weight and is probably close to ideal weight. She walks loads and climbs mountains regularly so is very fit and healthy. I was very careful not to criticise her weight even though I was concerned, as I know how damaging that can be.

I don't suppose my MIL knows how much it spoils relationships with her or perhaps she wouldn't behave like she does. Family conversations about grandma in her absence often turn to the subject of her obsessions and who she has offended most recently! I know my DD avoided seeing her or phoning her at times as she couldn't cope with the criticism.

Sadly some people can't seem to help themselves. A lovely older lady - a friend of my DIL's family - sat with grandma at DS's wedding and the next day described her as 'She seems quite nice but is very opinionated.' That said it all! That lady wouldn't say a bad word about anyone.

On reflection I remember my first gift from her of a weight-watchers cook book!

Good post bradfordlass

To be fair to your mil it could be that your DD has spoken about her weight/weight loss achievements and mil is trying to support her by showing an interest in what your DD is interested in. Losing weight. If she was taking a hair dressing course she may have bought her hair mags. Unless she is being downright rude and calling her fat she may just be concerned for her and trying to show she cares. Just saying

I think when she rings your daughter, you daughter says straight away if you say anything about my weight etc I will hang up and do so. Might get the message then

BradfordLass, Sw is not really dieting, it is changing your eating habits to make them healthier and learning which foods are filling and less fattening. Weightwatchers does the sam. They do a lot of research on the latest finds on what works and why people gain, because of emotional or physical reasons. It is possible to lose and keep the weight off. It sounds as if your daughter is doing fine, Joanna. Slow and steady does it and then it stays off. No quick fix. And what does not work, as has been pointed out, is other people nagging you about weight.

I lost 8 stones from 2002 to 2007, went from size 28 to 14 and have kept it off. I'm 73 now. I'd been around a 16/ 18 most of my life but went up when I moved to a home next to lots of takeaways .

Well done to daughter for that first stone off. She knows how to do it now and that the change of eating works. No need to be hungry., Lots of support in the group. And with a baby and job too she is doing great!

My MIL was like this. Everytime I saw her she would 'inspect' me and often made really unkind comments even infront of others. One day she over stepped the mark by patting my stomach and saying "have you got twins in there" - I lost my first pregnancy which was twins. My husband had a very firm word and she stopped. After she died I discovered she had been equally unkind to my SIL - we both loathed her.
I would advise you daughter to avoid her GM and if asked why explain she cannot see her while she continues to make these remarks.

I think your daughter needs to be prepared for the encounters - bit like she would distracting a toddler from mayhem. So, don't answer or a quick its going fine thanks, then change the subject, have something interesting from work or hobbies etc to talk to gran about - she is doing really well. What a person dealing with this needs is plenty of talk and interests in OTHER things - not foods and how to avoid them!

*agnurse I'd suggest you should say nothing, simply because your daughter is an adult. That said, I do agree that you could give her some pointers.

"I feel...when you..." is a good way to start. She can also tell her grandmother that if Granny won't drop the subject, the conversation is over - and then follow through on it.*

I agree with agnurse's good advice. Your daughter is an adult!
Maybe an added response would be "When you keep referring to my weight what are you trying to achieve?" ..."When you keep talking about my weight are you trying to help me?" …."What are you reasons for asking me about my weight?"

The point of this is that Granny has to explain/justify her reasons for her obsession.
Depending on her response it could lead to constructive discussion!! Alternatively your daughter, if Granny's response is less than helpful, can then just go with agnurse's suggestion of stating that the conversation is over and refuse to carry on..ie follow through!

I agree with Cece. A time of withdrawal might be the easiest way to address this. When Granny notices, then she could be told (by DD if she can manage it) that she just couldn’t cope with constant comments about her weight.

I think your daughter might just have to be brave and say something like “ that’s actually quite rude. I’m doing my best, so please drop the subject “

I do wonder having a go at someone else hides a problem about themselves that they can’t deal with.

Hi , just a small question really , does your mother in law need to loose weight herself , could that be the real reason she asked your daughter about her diet and her weight loss , you might be looking at this all wrong , she is seeing your daughter loose weight , perhaps your mother in law is struggling to loose weight herself , your daughter could invite her to one of her slimming meetings , my daughter has lost seven and a half stone recently , doing really well , I struggle with my weight , I always ask my daughter for advice , it's just a thought

Maybe your daughter should stop seeing or talking to her for a bit and if she asked why tell her straight! Breaks my heart when some women especially family members are not supportive of each other..

Well done to your daughter for the birth of her baby AND her motivation to attend the sliming club AND loose the weight.... weight gain is a long process as is the process of weight loss... she’s doing brilliantly.. her grandmother needs to be gently encouraging not aggressively so. Maybe your daughter could try when she speaks/visits her grandmother when/if the subject is raised to just barely acknowledge it and then change the subject... hopefully after a wee while your m-in-law will take the hint.... as to the magazines your daughter should mark them “return to sender” or words to that effect and pop them back in the post.
Good luck!

I would tell grandma to butt out immediately, unless it is unconditional praise, say nothing.

My eldest daughter would say that throughout her childhood I was on one or another diet, I was!
At about fifty I realised they weren’t really working, and no matter how much I dieted, I wasn’t losing weight, so I decided to just eat as healthily as I could, but definitely not diet! I’m bigger than I’d like to be, but have been a constant weight ever since, not, thankfully, any bigger.
It’s harder for your daughter, because there’s so much more pressure on young women to be skinny and gorgeous. I think she should probably just ignore her granny, her body, not grannies!

Bradfordlass…..Hear, hear!!!!

Speaking as someone who has been classed by others as 'overweight' (over what weight? Both my grandmothers were 25+ stone and hard-working and active. One a farmer's wife who ran the farm with her husband AND ran a farm cafe, catering to crowds every weekend).
So, what chance did I stand of being willowy?

But thanks to endless criticism from family and "friends" I twice dieted myself into hospital, suffering from malnutrition - and was still 17 stone!

And all that impelled me to start the 10 years of research, working with some of the world's obesity experts, and which resulted in two published books, talks and radio/TV interviews.
The forewords to both books, by professors in the field, confirmed all my findings. Dieting, far from being healthy, is dangerous and rarely works permanently.

I would beg you to encourage your daughter to simply eat healthily and keep active (how can she help it with a baby to look after?) and ignore any criticism....for her own mental and physical well-being.

Your daughter may be in the 1% who actually keep weight off but if she has been "overweight" all her life, it's doubtful. But that doesn't mean she cannot be a wonderful and precious mother, daughter and anything else she aspires to.

And please, stop assuming she 'needs to lose another 3 stone' - by whose reckoning? Some diet company?
They fail 98% of the time - no other industry in the world is allowed to fail at what they do - but 'failure' to a diet company, is a hugely profitable success because they know full well their 'failure' will come back, ashamed and desperate to toe the line.

Oh, it makes me want to weep, the waste of so many wonderful women whose minds have been turned to self-loathing because someone has told them they are too heavy, or too big.

I'd suggest you should say nothing, simply because your daughter is an adult. That said, I do agree that you could give her some pointers.

"I feel...when you..." is a good way to start. She can also tell her grandmother that if Granny won't drop the subject, the conversation is over - and then follow through on it.

Has she tried
“Did you mean to sound so rude?”