Should we ignore it

It is hard to loose weight and even harder to keep it off. In SW you choose your own target. I lost 3 stone but did it in steps of a stone at time. It helped me feel in control and not get disheartened.

No doubt unasked for " advice" from others is so soul destroying. You know what you are without anyone telling you.

Good luck and perhaps the graph on the website would be insensitive.

She is being rude and very hurtful. If anyone did that to my daughter they would get the sharp end of my tongue. Stop it from happening now.

Just repetitive!

Thank you for your message, No, she’s not forgetful

Your DD must tell her, herself, very nicely but firmly. I must say that one of my DD and her granny were always clashing - but adored one another.

Is your MIL getting forgetful?

When I say frightened, I mean frightened of upsetting her gm, i have had a conversation with my dd about this, she says she doesn’t want any sort of confrontation with her gm, as many of you have said, my dd is an adult and it needs to come from her, but as her mother I can’t help feeling protective and upset over how it makes my dd feel

Thank you all for your help and advice ?
I think, going back to when my dh went to his mothers to tell her on 2 or 3 occasions that this advice and help upsets our dd,so why does it continue?
In all honestly I think my dd is frightened of telling her outright to please stop.
I think it’s right to congratulate her on losing weight and if dd wanted advice she’d ask gm for it, which she hasn’t. I don’t think it will ever stop tbh

How dare people equate being " slim" to being successful?
The old bag needs putting firmly in her place.

Perhaps the old bag is worried about her darling granddaughter developing diabetes or other health problems?
Having a baby is really no excuse for putting on 5 stones in weight, and well done her for doing something about it. Probably granny thinks she is encouraging her on her weight loss journey.

Some people have no idea how hurtful their comments are yet are self- delusional about their own physical or mental flaws. I had a friend who was and is clinically obese, yet always bragging about going swimming 3 times a week and how much she pays her personal trainer. She once told me in a scornful voice," I don't know why you are so keen on taking baths, I prefer a shower myself." Before I could think I replied, "That's because you can't get out of the bath." That shut her up, as she manipulates everyone into colluding with her world view all the time and generally people are too polite to do what I did, although I feel bad about it.

Eflantine - LOVE it!

Bradsford - Great post!

Oh, I see it's "every few weeks," not "once a week." But still, I think dd may have to stop the visits for a while. If mil asks why she hasn't seen her, she can be told.

"My daughter did say to her grandmother that she was happy with herself. But she doesn’t seem to ever stop."

Love dd's comment, but maybe it's not strong enough. And perhaps hearing the truth from dh/her ds/dd's dad wasn't enough. Maybe she needs to be told firmly by dd. "GM, I don't appreciate anyone making comments on my weight, and it needs to stop." Especially if dd would like to continue those visits and phone calls.

But again, she'll have to come to that herself. You can suggest these things, but, in the end, imo, it's up to dd.

Congratulations to dd on the new baby and the weight loss!

So sorry about mil's behavior/obsession with weight. Since she struggles with weight, herself, over the years, she may really think she's being helpful/ that her experience can help. Maybe she thinks someone should have pushed her to lose weight earlier in life. Who knows?

But dh has let her know her comments are hurtful and still she continues. So, imo, she's not totally innocent here. Perhaps she's taking out on dd what some people said to her when she was younger and heavier. Again, hard to know.

What I'm wondering, though, is why does dd continue to visit her once a week and talk to her on the phone, as well? Why subject herself to this rude behavior? I agree with those who say dd needs to take a break from her gm for a while. Or if she does talk to her, keep the conversation short, and end it as soon as mil brings up the topic of weight.

But as pps (previous posters) have said, dd is an adult, so only she can decide what to do.

For God's sake the lady has had children and is doing her best. How dare people equate being " slim" to being successful? Have we not moved on from this nonsense? Is her partner enjoying hearty meals?

The old bag needs putting firmly in her place.

I'd go easy on the encouragement to be honest. A simple, "well done" if she reports a weight loss should be enough. I know from personal experience how well meaning encouragement can cause weight loss to spiral out of control. You become hungry for affirmation and start cutting down on syns, then cutting out syns, then eating only speed foods until, before you know it, you're simply on the verge of another, different, eating disorder.
Doesn't happen for all or even most, I know, but please be aware that it can happen. As long as your daughter is happy in herself and her weight isn't preventing her undertaking activities she needs or wants to then I'd ignore all comments about weight from every quarter.
When I went to SW they gave me a target weight a stone and a half lower than I had been throughout my 20s before I had children. A stone and a half lower than the weight that had seen me a comfortable size 10. At 5'9" and well over 50 I wouldn't ever want to be a size 10 now let alone anything smaller! Thank God my DD shook some sense into me before I went too far down the path.

Congratulations to your DD, and how lucky she is to have such a sensible and non-critical mum by her side. As someone who recently lost 3 st over two years at the age of 66 I know how hard it is, and if anyone had nagged me about it they'd have got short shrift. Your MIL needs to know that her remarks/enquiries are not acceptable and should be mature enough to understand why.

Good luck to you all.

Thank you all for your replies and advice.
My mil used to be quite overweight, she has lost her excess weight as she’s got older.
I myself need to lose weight because I suffer with fibromyalgia which isn’t helping me.
My mil did ask me a few years ago if I wanted to borrow her slimming world book, I didn’t respond because I thought it was rude of her, if I’d mentioned at the time I wanted to lose weight then maybe I could understand the offer.
I’m not sure why she has this obsession with people needing to lose weight.
My daughter feels like her grandmother doesn’t accept her the way she is ☹️
She’s a beautiful young lady, happy and healthy. According to Slimming world she’s got 3 stone to lose, she’s taking their advice whether that’s right or wrong ?

Can your daughter not tell her herself one adult to another and say that she finds it insulting and upsetting and unless it stops she will not visit. Getting someone else to do it she may not be getting the message.

You’re right Shirls, I think we are often too sensitive about things, it helps to turn things into a joke, my mother in law has been dead for several years now, but we still laugh at some of the things she used to say

What Eglantine suggested-pick on something which will annoy the grandmother and mention it every time she talks about weight

I remember when I was a teenager my dad used to constantly mention my weight, I was never petite but not was I overweight. As a result of this I developed an eating disorder and I have always had a problem with weight and body image although I ve maintained a fairly stable weight which is pretty average. Over the years as a family myself , my ex husband and our children turned it into s joke and we would have s bet on how long it would take Granda to mention weight which helped to relieve things a bit and now at the age of 88 he has stopped mentioning it to us personally. He often used to say you ve put on / lost weight before even saying hello?. Instead he has now turned his attention to my two little dogs who have been advised to lose a little bit by my vet. Best thing to do is to ignore it and recognise that they only say things like that because they care about you xx

I disagree Rafichagran, I’m no way condoning it, and I was often furious at things my mother in law said, but she loved her grandchildren dearly, which didn’t stop her speaking her mind, they loved her, and just laughed it off! She certainly wasn’t a bitch

Some people seem not to be able to stop themselves doing this. If I went out with my sister and asked for a Coke, she would always get me a diet Coke. When I was in hospital and asked her to get me a size 14 dressing gown she bought a size 10. It happened too often to not be intentional.
I don't think that you can stop people politely but if you get cross they put on a hurt look as if you are being neurotic and they are only trying to help. I think that all you can do is reduce contact and explain why if asked. That will cause a temporary cessation (2 years in my case) but it will start again because it is who they are.
Sorry this isn't helpful but trying to change people's behaviour will just upset your daughter more. You feel that you just aren't getting through to them and waste time trying to think of the right way to put it, but they do know so it is a waste of energy and upset.

Let's get this straight, no one who makes comments to the point of rudeness has a kind heart.

These people know what they are doing and they know they cause upset and embarrasment to the people on the recieving end. They are bitches pure and simple and I don't care what ages they are.

Why do people accept this. Any personnel comments that are nasty are not nessasary.

Your DD needs to stand up for herself, very nicely, but firmly.

I expect her grandmother is just concerned about her and is trying to help - but it doesn't help at all. Can you not speak to your MIL about this, rather than asking your DH to do so?

Eglantine

Many years ago, a friend offered me a ticket to go to a concert with her and her mother whom i had never seen, let alone met
Mother and I shook hands
" Have you always been so fat?" said the whippet skinny woman ( i was about 13 stone having recently given birth to my 4th child)
" No, have you always been so rude?"
Don't think we ever spoke again but wish I could always be so quick.