Gransnet forums



(14 Posts)
Regina1956 Mon 06-May-19 23:14:32

I am a grandmother or an adorable 7 year old whom I have raised since she was 4 days old. She has stayed with my husband and me 75percent of her life. I have bought her clothes, provided food and lunches for her, gone to every award’s program, paid for every field trip, bought all of her pictures, gave her 2 birthday parties this year, went to her 5 year graduation when her mama did not show up. These are just a few things I have done for my granddaughter. She considers my house her home. Her mama did not even give her a birthday party after she promised her she would.
Her dad has every other weekend and every other week visitation in the summer with my granddaughter. He has not been taking it so I have been keeping her on his visitation.
My granddaughter cane to me with bruises on her behind. I called the school and they turned her into CPS. They put her on a safety plan with her mama. She said her stepdad put blue marks on her but changed her story with her mama. Unlike last year she was given to me by CPS cause her mama slapped her.
Her mama has also left her in the car by herself when she was 3 years old. CPS just put her on probation for 30 days.
When we went to the CPS meeting this past week, her mama banged the table and got up and tried to hit me at the DHS office. Her husband had to hold her back so she would not hit me. She stayed home today because of stomach problems.
My son went out of town on a hunting trip this past weekend and he left a note that says I
could get her. Well, the mama refused to let me see her or get her for his visitation
Is she in contempt? Should we file contempt or just let it go and see if she lets her come back to my house like she has in the past!Help!

crazyH Mon 06-May-19 23:26:51

Get legal advice .....all best wishes

Regina1956 Mon 06-May-19 23:32:51

I have counseled with my lawyer and she said my ex daughter-in-law is in contempt. Although my ex daughter in laws lawyer says differently.

notanan2 Mon 06-May-19 23:33:49

This site is mostly UK (not exclusively but mostly). You may struggle to get appropriate advice on here

crazyH Mon 06-May-19 23:37:15

Well, you and your lawyer will have to take the matter to court. If there is 'abuse', it is serious, and you will have to take the matter further. You may be entitled to legal aid

Regina1956 Mon 06-May-19 23:44:20

Thank you!

BradfordLass72 Tue 07-May-19 03:07:07

You have proved you are a safe haven, so I hope the lawyer, maybe with support from the little girl's Dad, (your son?) can get her back to you full time.
Supervised visits only should now be suggested, as violent behaviour from anyone, Mama or stepdad is not only unacceptable but dangerous to you grand daughter.

I hope for all your sakes it works out.

MovingOn2018 Tue 07-May-19 03:30:06

If your lawyer says she's in contempt why aren't you heeding to your lawyers advice? How do you also know what her lawyer has said? Practically speaking if visitation was awarded to your son and not to you, then you cannot proceed to claim that'd she is in contempt of court - but your son can. But your son is also not the one visiting with the said child so the courts are likely to frown on this if he proceeds to request for visitation on your behalf. Why isn't your son visiting with his own child? His home together with his ex-wifes should be your granddaughters home. Apart from leaving notes for you, what's his role in all of this? Don't you think its note beneficial for her to know her birth father?

BradfordLass72 Tue 07-May-19 09:05:31

How do you also know what her lawyer has said

We are in a similar situation and believe it or not, lawyers actually talk talk to one another and our lawyer comes back to us and says, 'His lawyer reports that....'


MovingOn2018 Tue 07-May-19 14:06:16

How do you also know what her lawyer has said

We are in a similar situation and believe it or not, lawyers actually talk talk to one another and our lawyer comes back to us and says, 'His lawyer reports that....'


Then get a new lawyer for that's an obvious breach in client confidentiality.


Plus getting a new lawyer won't erase the fact that visitation was granted to her son and NOT to her so she cannot file for contempt on her sons behalf - he will need to do that himself. How can anyone not see this? Why can't her son file for contempt? Most likely reason seems to be that he's not in his own child's life as much as he needs to, for he has left his child with grandma to raise during his visitation time - and that's not what visitation is for. I don't blame ex-DIL for being infuriated. She needs to encourage her son to be a father to his child as opposed to taking over his father-daughter visits.hmm

Regina1956 Tue 07-May-19 16:35:17

I understand completely. Yes, my son has not been in his child’s life because of personal reasons. Now when she comes for visitation he is out of town at work. He has just begun to get in her life. This is my prayer every night that the two of them can have a dad-daughter relationship.
Although the times he has not been there for his daughter, my husband and I have made my granddaughter feel loved and wanted int his world. It has been hard for her and us but I would not take anything in the world for this. I am praying when my son gets back from his hunting trip, he will man up and file contempt charges against this person.
I just pray and want my granddaughter to be happy, loved, and safe. With me, I know she is all three. Yes! I want my son to have a relationship with his daughter. That is my prayer.
Her another does. It even have a relationship with her daughter. She has another daughter and she comes first in her life. She pushes my granddaughter to the side. My granddaughter is begging for her attention and wants her to be like all the other caring mamas, but she just can’t be a loving mama to my granddaughter. It is sad. Therefore I am only the stability she has. Why take this away from my granddaughter when actually all she has is her grandpa and me that truly love her? I am going to school to eat lunch with her today to give her a big hug and kiss.

notanan2 Tue 07-May-19 17:23:17

It doesnt bode well Im afraid that your son would rather go off on a holiday than address this.

MovingOn2018 Tue 07-May-19 18:17:32

My granddaughter is begging for her attention and wants her to be like all the other caring mamas, but she just can’t be a loving mama to my granddaughter.

I'm sure you're granddaughter feels the same way about her father - your son, whose on a hunting trip as opposed to spending time with his own child. I think you're primary concern is all about your own visits with your grandchild being limited AND the effect that it may/may not have on your grandparent-grandchild relationship, than you are on the relationship your son has with his own daughter. If this wasn't the case the post would have focused on fixing his relationship with his child, as opposed to your access to the said child.

am praying when my son gets back from his hunting trip, he will man up and file contempt charges against this person.

And who will this benefit? He doesn't needs to file for contempt if he decides to just go and visit his own daughter. Ex-DIL has not limited his visits. She's limited yours.

I know you wish you grandchild the best but you're placing the blame on the wrong person and she as any parent would be, should feel irritated that father-daughter visits have primarily become grand-parents daughter visits. And to sole for contempt simply for you (not him) aren't getting visitation with the said child is a far stretch. How do you think the child feels when her mother tells her that her dad will show up only for grandma to consistently show up? You seem to have a lot of excuses for your son (personal reasons, work, hunting trip).

Starlady Fri 10-May-19 11:58:31

Ohhh, Regina, my heart aches for you - and for GD. Not only does she need more of her parents' attention, she is being denied a relationship with the one person who has truly made her feel safe and loved all her life - you. I am so deeply, deeply sorry.

I don't like XDIL one little bit. Based on what you tell us, she sounds unstable, selfish, and cruel. I get that she had a right to deny you visitation, though, even if I don't agree with her. No doubt, she was mad that your DS didn't come to get GD/use his visitation. Her lawyer may have even advised her not to let him shift his visitation onto anyone else, GM or not. I'm just sorry you and GD had to face that.

And I'm sorry, but I have to agree with PPs that DS should have put this issue before a hunting trip. I'm sure he works hard and needs his vacation time, but we're talking about building his relationship with his daughter. He cares about her or he wouldn't have arranged to pick her up, but he needs to make her a priority.

I get the feeling that he thinks of you as a sort of "representative" (my word) who can "fill in" (my words again) for him. But no, his visitation/relationship with GD is his responsibility. I get that you have always made her feel loved, etc. even though he wasn't there, and bless you for it! But that doesn't change any of what I said.

Also, I think it's beautiful if he shares his visitation time with you. But trying to have you take responsibility for it - picking her up, taking care of her while he's away - just isn't going to work, as you have seen.

But DS is an adult, so I know you can't do anything about his behavior. All you can do for GD, IMO, is what you're already doing - love her as much as you can and make her feel valued when you get to spend time with her.

Do you have any contact with her? Cards? FaceTime? etc? If so, please make the most of it.

One other thought - Now that DS sees he can't just give his visitation over to you, perhaps he'll take advantage of it, pick her up and spend real time with her, and, I hope, share some of that time with you. GD is very lucky to have you in her life, and I hope that, when things get better sorted out, your relationship with be able to continue smoothly.