grandkids glued to devices

My eldest 4 grandchildren are 19, 17, 13 and 10. When they visit the two boys will have a brief chat about what's going on in their lives, then turn to their phones. The girls are different. They'll chat for longer, telling me about their week, their plans etc The 2 little ones 6 & 7 love to be outdoors doing anything -today it was collecting rubbish from the beach. They do have a tablet each but are rarely on them. It's just a sign of the times and we have to move with it. That's not to say that I agree with it.

Yes, DGD is the same, she's 14. Her phone seems to be glued to her hand on a permanent basis. I don't approve, but it's not my place to say. She's on Facebook, Instagram and Gawd knows what else. It worries me, but my DD says, "Mum, all her friends are on it, if she wasn't she would be singled out and end up getting bullied". Sad innit?

Like MOnica, I always asked for books for birthday and Christmas presents. Even now, if I am deep into a book, an earthquake could not rouse me from it so, I suppose that is no different. The only thing is that now, I would not get stuck into a book if there were visitors or I was visiting.

Lxrl

Good for you!

I was a total addict to my phone and social media, I deeply regret not valuing the family time more. Although thankfully no one has passed away in the time it took for me to delete my social media and I hardly look at my phone. I'm 22 now and call my family every day and see them as much as I can. My daughter may hate me, but I will not let her have a smart phone until she can buy one from her own earned money, she will make do with a phone without Internet access! Phones, the Internet etc. Can be great, and they are, but I want her to really value her childhood and teens without being stuck to a screen. I missed so much.

Ginny

I agree, there’s a family on YouTube with three daughters, who must film every minute of their boring lives. I ask my granddaughters how they’d like being watched by all their friends all the time, they wouldn’t!

What sort of parents put their children through that?

Some of ours seem surgically attached to their devices and sometimes it can seem like we’re losing touch with them. But I don't ban them at our house as I can’t see how making them miserable will help foster and develop the bonds we made telling stories/building lego/making dens etc when they were little. They will still happily come out and about with us, in fact the two we have here this weekend happily spent an hour or so plane spotting and using an atlas to search out destinations which led to some lovely conversations. They then had a trip to the park, a run around and a good walk back here. Yes they’re on their gizmos now, while tea is cooking, but then so am I!!

My house/my rules was ok when they were little and tried to pull the wool over my eyes about things that were/weren't allowed at home. They still try to do that now, but I know phones aren’t allowed in their bedrooms overnight at home either!

I’m hoping that all we as grandparents invested in each one of them in the early days has provided a good foundation for an ongoing positive relationship as they get older. Nothing stays the same, but it can still be good!

Imm6 - I find it hard not to interfere, but seeing as I'm in their home, not so easy. Their mum has told them it's rude, but really, both parents not much better. They are coming to my home for a few days soon, with DD, and I will have some ground rules. I may even turn the wifi off for a time each day if necessary! Will make sure we get out as well. The fifteen year old may well give 'not feeling well ' as an excuse not to come. Not this time!!

I try to look at it this way - if I was a teenager would I be glued to a device? I suspect the answer would be yes. We all like to do whatever is the easiest.
When television came along people complained that it ruined the art of conversation - now some people watch it at breakfast time.
When telephones came in people wrote fewer letters, and so on and so on.
I can see that youngsters are losing the ability to cope with actually talking to a person which is rather sad. We can't go backwards, can we? Perhaps we need to encourage the simpler things in life, like camping, etc. but I can imagine the groans and moans it would cause.

As mentioned upthread, it's the youtube rubbish which irritates me. I feel like a nag and a snob being shocked by the behaviour of some youtubers and it's hard to explain to my GS just what I object to. There's a family in the UK making a fortune with the whole family taking part in scripted scenarios. They act out, e.g. who can gain the most weight in 24 hours; who can buy the most in 24 hours. The way they speak to each other is awful. I just seem to nag all the time, but my GS and friends think it's hilarious. They're laughing all the way to the bank according to their website!

Fortunately, GS is interested in other things like drawing and painting and is an avid reader.

I do feel we are all entitled to have our own rules in our homes, but the matter does need to be broached tactfully.

Perhaps next time they visit, you could mention that you realise that social media are important, but you feel cheated because you aren't really able to talk to them, if they are using their phones and laptops all the time.

Say you would like half-an -hour that is "Grandma time" (substitute whatever they call you), where all phones and other devices are switched off, or left in another room.
This time is for talking! Strange old-fashioned activity.

Have something up your sleeve that you can tell them you did, when you were their age and do it with them.

Another good approach is to say you know nothing about Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook etc. whether you do or not, and get them to show you how to use these.

You may not want to use them, but knowing how means you can send them things and receive them and bridge the generation gap.

None of my GC really use tech as they're all under 10yo and are not that interested yet. I am quite conflicted about the issue, though. I saw a production this week of Arthur Miller's The Crucible and the parallels with today were striking in many ways, not least that a woman was executed as a witch because she had been reading a book. Will we look back in 400 years (well, not us personally!) and wonder what all the fuss was about tech?

On the other hand, this clip about four year olds and tech is really quite concerning. www.facebook.com/Channel4/videos/354646955371593?s=100000640023435&sfns=mo

So, I don't know. I'm sitting on the fence and it's quite painful!

We are lucky enough to live in a thick walled cottage where the grandchildren suffer withdrawal symptoms as they can only get a signal in some parts of the garden.
They were forced to talk at supper therefore when the 15 yo " gifted" child pointed out that she had stayed away from school the previous Friday in a protest about global warming ' Very interesting', I said and told her I found it a great puzzle as I did not know which events were cyclical and which due to the activities of man. I mentioned 'frost fairs' and ',viticulture in the north of England' in the past centuries. She looked blank and could say nothing about cyclical weather patterns. Designated 'gifted child' but never encouraged to look for evidence for anything. There was no persuasive discussion but I wonder about the teaching she had received and if she had ever been encouraged to find counter arguments.

Yes books, on the phone, shut in my room with my Dansette record player or glued to Luxembourg radio trying to hear the top 20. TV when Top of the Pops or Ready Steady Go was on but not keen on watching it with the family. My own children used to stay in their rooms as teenagers, listening to music or reading but I didn’t allow them TV in their rooms even then though I was unusual in this. The devices are a kind of all in one substitute for all these things. I use mine a lot so can’t really complain but my DD is very strict with her under 7 children and limits their TV radically.

Last time I had my 14 year old grandson over he was not allowed any devices( by his parents). He did some hard work clearing up the garden, then we played board games. He had a great time.

Two of my granddaughters are absolute bookworms, we’ve spent many a happy, and expensive afternoon in Waterstones, so I suppose I can’t begrudge them a little time on their iPods

As they're only 5 & 9 my DGD they are not allowed too long on their tablets. When time is up and I suggest reading a book the younger room will go off to play in her room with her LOL dolls and the older one will want to play games with me. That's great but it seems the only reading they do is at school and not just for the pleasure of it.

Kim

I haven’t got any control over the teenagers, and don’t try!
But I do limit the time spent on screens with the little ones, they accept it, they know I’m an old misery when it comes to their games, and the hated YouTube rubbish

As a parent I vividly remember the protests and reluctance from my children when going to visit the GP with the house rules. I went out of duty but the visit was always as short as we could politely manage. As a GP I have very few rules and so far it is all good. Screen time and outdoor time all seem to fall into place nicely so far. Mind you, they're not at the troublesome teenagers stage just yet. Who knows, screens might have evolved into something else in the very near future. Technology is moving at a mind boggling rate methinks. I watched 'Years and years' recently on TV. Amazing but somewhat credible.

I do have a my house, my rules policy, but it’s not a blanket ban on all technology, last time my fourteen year old was staying, he said he had a lot of homework, Saturday morning, I reminded him, with thoughts of keeping everybody out of the dining room, so he could spread out and study, oh, he says, I’ve done it all, when? I enquire suspiciously, on my iPhone, you can check it, it’s all been marked! I was speechless!

My granddaughter does a maths thing on her iPod, and the school has asked them to keep it up in the holidays.

But I won’t have it brought to the table, I won’t allow mindless games to be played all day, they have to do other things, and my strictest unbreakable rule, is no television before lunch, I’m not sure how that started, probably fed up with peppa pig, at 5am

Not just young folk, adults too are guilty. Anytime I am in a restaurant of any kind, play centre, park I look and see adults glued to their screens ignoring all around. Its so sad.

Know the feeling my 16 year old grandson stay with me every weekend most of the time he's on his phone in his room the rule I made was phone stays upstairs when he comes down to eat or to talk to me so far it's worked well

My kids don’t take their devices to their Grandparents houses . My Dad takes them out with camera etc . My Mum & Step dad live in Yorkshire village so rubbish reception anyway they don’t have Sky etc either . Kids go hiking , fishing or paddling ( age 14 & 16) etc . My little grandchildren are rarely allowed electronics so not an issue .

Have you tried asking them if there are some activities or places they would like to go ?

Its different times Grans.....I would never dream of my house my rules where tech is concerned ,mine use it for all sort of things.Homework for one ,the middle GD (9) videos about things she's interested in ,her Brownies wanted her to make one of her baking a cake as part of her Baking badge .Maybe because I'm relaxed about it that I dont harrass my GC about it and they DO talk to me and msg me .Me? I dont have a phone ,I use this laptop for work and for browsing when I'm not busy but I know people my age whose tech is a lifeline to the outside world so dont knock it .wOULD YOU HAVE BEEN HAPPY FOR YOUR MOTHER TO INTERFERE IN YOUR CHILDRENS LIVES?

Wow ! I thought it was just me getting On ?. As got 7 & 16 mnths grandkids in yes i take them out either to park anything to get away from ipads .. My 7 GS said gran what’s your problem with screens !! I said none though i want to make plenty memorys as possible .. Like i have of my late granny